Sunday, August 30, 2009

Caloric Leakage

I have a theory about how “health food” is made. You take a cookie and place it next to a piece of lettuce, by some rule of action/reaction balance the cookie looses calories while the lettuce gains them. Somewhere there is 4,000 calorie an ounce lettuce. I think the term “health food” is bizarre. I use it because at the supermarket that is how they label the aisle. What are the other aisles? “un-health food” or “anti-health food”? Apparently eating food from the magic aisle will make you healthy.

I guess that is why I nicknamed myself and my blog “Foolsfitness”, because the whole industry is just bizarre. Folks like fellow bloggers Sean Anderson and the Tony the Anti-Jared Posnanski aren’t about the magic tricks and see the foolishness behind the whole thing… It’s not rocket science to eat in decent portions for a reasonable caloric intake while getting moving a bit. (not that it isn’t a challenge sometimes)

I admit, the other day I bought some contraband. in the form of a muscle building magazine… but I got it for the articles, not the scantily clad women body builders, and for inspiration and motivation. There are literally 4 page ads for magic pills and powders. I guess these guys don’t really do any work at all, just take the elixir of health and well being and bam… superhero complete with six pack abs. If they do work out it’s nice to know its just minutes a day on a machine that is a modern art sculpture… and it takes little or no effort. There are more *whole pages* with ads than pages of articles! Hey, the ladies “health” magazines at the checkouts are no better…”Easily loose 8 pounds this week!” and look like the anorexic chick on the cover?

One of the current crazes Sean spoke about in a recent blog is “anti-oxidants” where he wonders about their magic, I wonder does that help you not rust? Isn’t oxidation rust? Or if it’s oxygen do I want anti-oxygen? If they do speak about foods it’s something about the wonders of Organic Smurf berry juice from the western shores of Sweden and it needs to be eaten every three hours and four minutes or twenty-two minutes after a workout to achieve maximum results, which are not typical anyway.

Fine, if you really want it that way go back to my blog posting “Hey, It’s an Adult Sit and Spin” Where I promote my amazing fitness exercise tool known as a “Pad of Paper!”

But that’s not all friends… you’re going to need a diet and have I got one for you, my personal diet plan I’ve spent years designing “The Amazing PEZ Diet Plan”

Order now and get a free Limited edition Foolsfitness bobble head action figure and you can get another complete set for just the separate cost of additional Shipping and handling. Oh I should mention that they are NOT available in some states including the “State of Reality”… Actual results may vary.

And remember that course ground unicorn horn with pixy dust is the supplement of choice at Foolsfitness!- Alan


  1. You have a wacky sense of humor...have you ever posted any of your artwork?? I would love to see it...I'd bet it is very creative.
    Blessings on your journey,

  2. Oh dear .... Just posted about supplements I'm taking in my efforts to "come off food"!

    Your blog has great style BTW.
    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  3. You had me at the cookie and lettuce---you sent me over the top with the smurf berry juice from the shores of Sweden. I love your blog man, great stuff!
    And congratulations on a job well done, you're headed toward an amazing transformation---You're going to feel absolutely incredible my friend.

    My best always

  4. The PEZ diet might work for me; I was never smart enough to be able to work the dispensers...

  5. Oooo! Pez! Is the workout Pop Rocks?

  6. lol, funny stuff. Thanks for commenting on my blog! I'm signing up on yours right now! I'll be back! :)

    BTW, thanks to my boyfriend, I'm also a sci-fi fan. Giant, man-eating bats, anyone?


Remember that commenting is just the foolsfitness way!