Saturday, May 30, 2009

4 year old college professor

I love to read, and one of my favorite books is “The Pokey little Puppy”. Did you ever notice a little kid can ask you to read to the *same* book at bedtime dozens of times? Or if you do something funny they may exclaim, “again!” and you can do it over and over until your ready to collapse, and they cheerfully say one more time, “Again!”
I never understand how people get “bored”. God obviously doesn’t. He created a blade of grass, then thought it rocked so much that he made almost as many as dollars in debt the U.S.A. is racking up! The Sun came up yesterday and yet God gleefully says, “again!” today.
I think there is much to be learned from 4 year olds, (and God too of course!) who perceiver and don’t get bored. What happens when people age? Forget sitting reading a book, they may not focus through a 30 second tv commercial. They somehow forgot, “Again!”
If God and four year olds have that kind of patience and focus, well maybe I can forgive myself for “falling off the weight loss wagon” so to speak and say, “again!” and even “again” after that! God is still making blades of grass, and a four year old still repeatedly hugs the stuffing out of his favorite ratty old teddy bear that only has one eye left on it.
If you have a hard day, week, month… well maybe it’s time to learn from a four year old and laugh, “AGAIN!”
Remember that 4 year olds are professors at the foolsfitness university.- Alan

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A Gnome Personal Trainer

(If you click on the picture it should show a new window and get larger for better view)

Life is more than just a focus (obsession) with the arch enemy nemesis known as “the Scale”. I sometimes work as an artist, and decided just for fun sake to do a sketch. My art ranges from doing menus, book marks, and my signature work lately seems to be window murals in my local area here in New Hampshire. Notice how I said I sometimes work as an artist? That’s why you see those “starving artist mover” vans. Getting rich quick in art is a challenge for most… but I digress.
Slowly step away from the scale with your hands up! Now take two fingers of your left hand reach and drop your elastic work out band and pedometer to the ground and kick them away from you! Now take two steps to your left, hands on your head. I warn you, I have a Twinkie and I know how to use it. Yes, and it’s loaded with creamy filling.

Seriously, taking a mental time out is important too. Your investing so much effort in a physically healthier you. What about an emotionally, spiritually, mentally, healthier you as well. Foolsfitness invites you to go get a coloring book and color (you don’t even need to stay in the lines!), take a little while to enjoy your favorite hobby, spend some time with your family, fly a Nemo or Winnie the Pooh kite, and live all your life… perhaps not without the scale, but beyond the scale too.

Did I mention I love drawing and art? I love gnomes and pink flamingo lawn ornaments too. I think the president needs to make some law that every house should either display a flamingo or gnome on it’s property. Yup, if I owned my own home I’d be one of those nightmare neighbors who clutters their yard with 45 wind chimes, 12 whirly gigs, 3 flags, two 10 foot tall metal sculptures of dinosaurs fighting, and a statue of Jesus and Mary.

Loving lawn ornaments is the foolsfitness way!- Alan

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

47 sodas later

“If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.”- G. K. Chesterton
I am proud to sad I have something worth doing that I have done badly. I’ve over vacation gained oodles of weight, been rained on at the campground and beach, cut my foot, missed work because of it, got lost 5 times, and had a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. But now for a word or two from the “Experts”

“Start exercising and you’ll become a round-the-clock, fat-burning machine, right? That’s long been a commonly held belief among exercisers and fitness experts alike. But a new report finds that, sadly, it’s not very likely.” and get this “While it’s true that a pound of muscle burns more calories than a pound of fat — about seven to 10 calories a day versus two calories — most people don’t put on enough muscle to make much of a difference.”
(this is from
And another “New Zealanders get fat because they eat too much, rather than exercise too little, an international study has found.” (this is from and just one more “MONDAY, May 18 (HealthDay News) -- The excess fat that leads people to develop heart disease can help them fight against the condition's worst effects, a review of cardiac studies shows.” (from
Of course some exercise is a good thing. It may strengthen the heart, reduce stress, and fight the likelihood of developing diabetes.
We want “The Experts” to tell us what to do, fix our lives, and take care of our business from watching our children to teaching them.
Now I’d like to get back to my favorite writer G.K. Chesterton and his quote at the top. He proposed that it is *your* life and suggests if you care enough you’ll do what you can for yourself, even as you make mistakes. Edison took THOUSANDS of tries to develop a viable light bulb. I’m not interested in “The Experts” living my life. I can make my own mistakes, I care that much.

Doing things badly is the Foolsfitness way!- Alan

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I need a real friend

Where am I? Wha’ happened? Am I a fitness God among men now? I don’t think so.

Where did all these empty fast food take out bags in my car come from? Why is the scale malfunctioning?! Gaining 5 or 6 pounds can not be right… can it?

Today I visited my old friends Wendy and the Burger King. I don’t think they are really my friends, they sort of use me and lie to me while they seem to always be there for me at the time… well sort of. I think I need new friends.

My new friend, Mr. Fitness seems pretty gruff. He seems to demand I call him “Mister“. He’s actually seems to ask me, “Who’s your daddy?!” I got together with him a couple of times… we met at the gym and the park a couple of times to kick a soccer ball around. He seems harsh. Actually, he beat the living tar out of me. I thought we could be friends.

You know, this Mr. Fitness guy won’t go with me to see my other friends like Ronald either. He warns me that they are not my friends at all. I think he’s allergic to grease in food too. He doesn't seem very fun sometimes. I tried to introduce him to Whopper and he hates him… no, even loathes him!

One thing I can say for Mr. Fitness, he’s very honest. He doesn't seem to lie, like the ones who I thought who were my friends. I appreciate someone who is real like him, not ones shallow like the others. I’m hoping maybe Mr. Fitness and I got off on the wrong foot, we seem to be doing ok… I can’t help but wonder if my other friends are jealous of him. Did they kick me in the knees and my back, and then lie again like they do and blaming him for it? Who can I really trust? It feels like everyone's so mean to me. Someone beat me up at the gym. Then someone messed up the scale and my other friends point to Mr. Fitness and say, "See, he's not really your friend. We are. You're not good enough, but eat this and you'll feel better." Then they stuff me with stuff that taste pretty good, but seems to posion me. Why would real friends posion me? It makes no sense.

I just want a real friend. No, I need a real best friend.

After all being paranoid about who your “real” friends are is just the Fools Fitness way!- Alan

Friday, May 8, 2009

Getting Picked Last in Gym Class

Chubby Chick at has presented Fools Fitness with his first Blog award! It is an honor indeed!

There are suggestions to pick five other blogs out there and pass the award along. I've struggled with this. I remember as a kid usually in gym class I would get picked nearly at the end for a team. Once the gym teacher let me be "team captian" and I actually picked all the kids who would normally get picked last on my team first. I'm not just trying to be polite and PC (actually the PC thing irritates me, I will be sincere and try to be kind but it seems like some folks are offended by the truth somehow, and saying something polite instead doesn't change what's right or wrong at the root of it, but I digress), but I can't do this in good consciousness and make some people left out. We are all in this together.

Thus I will suggest only one thing, read some blogs and look to see who comments, and comments frequently and follow their names to their blogs too... they seem to be people who are very serious in making better choices in eating, fitness, and offering support and encouragement to others. Start by looking at chubby chick's blog or and their commenters, and enjoy the journey...

Don't forget that getting picked last in gym class is the foolsfitness way!-Alan

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Vote for Pedro!

“The sovereign invigorator of the body is exercise, and of all the exercises walking is the best.”- Thomas Jefferson

After the 26.2 mile Marathon (jog-a-thon or walk-a-thon) The “Biggest Loser” show asked “America” to vote for either Ron or Mike to decide who will continue on to the finals. I thought for a moment for voting for the kid, he has his life ahead of him…

Then I thought of the movie “Napoleon Dynamite”. If you haven’t seen the movie that has been out for a while maybe I should warn you that it’s… well… odd. I watched nearly half of it just scratching my head, as this sort of outcast lives a life that is just plain bizarre, yet he does everything within his best to attempt to live a normal life. Napoleon’s friend Pedro decides to run for class president and his advice is something like ,”Just tell them to vote for you and all of their wildest dreams will come true.”

So never mind the kid or his dad on “Biggest Loser“, vote for Pedro! Actually, strike that too. I think I’m going to vote for myself. Maybe you should vote for yourself too. So many people want to tell us what we “should” do or “not” do. They want to live our lives. I get the ability to make my own choices. I vote for me. I don’t need Weight Watchers to keep points on me, it’s my game… I make the rules, and I keep my own score. I don’t need someone to tell me what I should weigh or should look like. They do not have permission over me. Only God does.

Today I broke wind and am real proud of it! On the treadmill I added in a couple of wind sprints (little short burst mini jogs) and cleared 3.51 miles in 60 minutes. Over the last couple of days I’ve also launched up a flight of stairs (other than the normal dragging of my gelatinousness carcass) and even jogged across a crosswalk (Ok, it was more of a rapid trundle) This week I lost a pound (333.5) I chose to be more healthy and fit, I voted for me.

I’m even going to take it one more step, *no* one can vote for me. I don’t need their permission to live my life for me, or do they have the power to tell me the things I want to do. I won’t allow it. Their judgments and games are meaningless. I’m in the halls of the school of life without a hall pass. I write my own pass if I choose to want one. I vote for me. I win.

Voting for yourself is the fools fitnessway!-Alan

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Girl Scout Badges

My girlfriend works with a brownie troop and got a sash for one of the new girls. If you know anything about scouts they earn badges (or patches) for learning or doing certain things. I tried to convince her that the girls should make costumes, get toy phasers, and go as Starfleet cadets to the new Star Trek movie coming out and earn something like a “geek/nerd badge” and she explained my ideas like this are the reason I am not in charge of things.

I have sort of an invisible sash and am earning my health and fitness badges. Today I earned the coveted “Get Kicked Out of the Gym” badge. I actually stayed there working out until they closed. You got to admit that’s showing dedication. Some people post weight loss buttons (or badges) on their blogs… What badges do you want to earn?

Thus far I have: 3.14 (pi) on the treadmill in an hour badge, 5 miles on the treadmill in an hour and a half badge, blogging my fitness progress badge, and maxing out a machine’s time badge.

I want: mountain bike riding badge, 10+25+50+100+125lbs lost badges, and “45 pound plates” on the bench press bar badge to name some…

But the main ones I want, actually there are just two that sum it all up… The Pinnacle Badges I want and my goals: “199lbs” Badge + “Personal Trainer” Badge!

Many people set goals and I have mixed feelings about setting time frames, but I think for motivation purposes I’m going to, it somehow holds me more accountable and having clear vision:

*At least 1 pound a week. Of course that would work out to like the end of the world (January 2012?) But the higher goal of 65.5 pounds in one year…about one and one third pounds a week, “half way by may day” (I love picking odd days like April fools day and the code for distress) weigh 199lbs on May day of 2010!

* April 1st of next year start looking into working on studies for personal training.

These are my demands, war has been declared!!! I want my patches!

Wanting official badges and decoder rings is the foolsfitness way!- Alan

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Magic Pill "recalled" (again!)

Apparently hydroxycut is being recalled. Remember the Phen fen thing?

The first weight loss the pills will induce is removing the weight of your credit card or loss of bills from your pocket. Some of these diet drugs or all natural supplements (Dirt is all natural too, I don’t want to eat dirt either) Apparently are going to get you to loose weight by getting sick or needing surgery? Death *will* stabilize your weight.

Look, doesn’t it make sense if there was a magic simple easy solution wouldn’t everyone be either a model or body builder? I’m thinking it’s going to take some effort. It’s going to take some work. I might sweat. Why doesn’t anyone tell the truth? Is it that hard to hear???

O.K. you want a simple and easy no effort plan? My magic pill diet plan…

**You too can eat PEZ candy and be healthy! The amazing PEZ Diet plan is so simple. Just load a full clip of PEZ in your favorite dispenser in the morning and feel free to eat that clip of PEZ throughout the day… The astonishing system shocks your digestive system forcing it to maintain high metabolism as tiny bursts of sugar are released into the digestive tract periodically throughout the day. (Silly isn’t it? I just made that whole thing up) and all by only ingesting 35 calories in one PEZ strip. “This, along with balanced meals containing all the food groups in reasonable moderation and proportions of neither severe starvation or excess and also being physically active within safe parameters will guarantee you will see results.”**

PEZ is the diet pill at foolsfitness!- Alan

Go Ahead… Pull the Trigger!

I talked to someone who told me about how their “trigger food” was chips. He said to me with a frightened look on his face as I offered him a chip, ”I can’t eat that chip! Chips are a trigger food for me.” He went on to explain how he would eat a whole bag of chips.

Guess what? Chips are not your enemy. Neither is ice cream, soda, Chinese food, or pizza. If you do not eat, you will eventually starve and you will die. I do not know this from personal experience but I do have a strong theory.

So go ahead and pull the trigger! The point is, if we are using a gun metaphor that you don’t use the Rambo 50 caliber fully automatic machine gun with the two hundred round endless feed belt clip. Pull the trigger with a flintlock single shot hunting rifle.

This isn’t saying if you have an insulin reading of 4 digits and go for the 2 liter bottle of coke you won’t be playing Russian roulette. I’m thinking that people might want a bit of sugar, some calories, and some fat is actually needed to process vitamins! There is caloric and fat dense food per volume out there, but it is just like snow… in volume it can be dangerous, but a little in the right places is really quite beautiful. One snowflake will not kill you, a northeaster blizzard on the other hand needs to be respected!

Having a 20 ounce cola at 250 calories isn’t going to hurt people who aren’t diabetic. However if you have that single soda each day *OVER* your caloric needs for one year that works out to be over 26 pounds of caloric weight… (91,250 calories /3500 per pound=26.0714)
Don’t starve yourself. Don’t stuff yourself! It’s just one small choice after another. Just a little tiny bit less food and a little tiny bit more activity can go far in the long journey.

Drinking soda is the foolsfitness way!- Alan