Wednesday, December 30, 2009

My Chimichanga Diet!

Before my *Amazing* new diet plan, it's time to give away a DVD! Loretta (Rettakat), from Loretta's Journey has won the first DVD choice for her art in my Christmas give-a-way… after she chooses I will randomly pick the other person to choose from the one of the other two DVD’s in the reply sections from the post start until Christmas eve night.
I ended the year on a bang… unfortunately it was a buffet fest bang. I’ve gained a lot. I haven’t recorded it yet but will reluctantly step on that scale (I haven’t in a while) to officially record a wild gain at the beginning of the year. I think there is a few others out there that didn’t quite point the scales in the direction they would have liked. Hey, honestly I could have passed on a lot of that food… and I take responsibility for it. I can come up with all sorts of cool excuses, I could easily make it complex… but it is simple, I forgot about my chimichangas.
When I was “On” I had a simple plan, about 1500 calories a day… divided into several small meals. Moving, nothing complex for exercise, just actively doing something. Chinese food was on Mondays. Believe it or not my basic diet really was based loosely around chimichangas. Some boca burgers, and granola bars… trying to maintain a balance between carbs, fat, and protien… no weird radial stuff. I was trying to work in more veggies. Then I got cocky and arrogant. Look at the fitness genius and legend! I lost focus, forgot to keep track of what I was eating. I always forget I’m not bullet proof! Missed exercise opportunities. The simple plan worked… until I forgot the simple, to watch what I eat and move… How rocket science is that? Why is it so hard for myself and so many to get it? Somehow I started making it complex with excuses.
I partly started the blog to enjoy poking fun about how those diet gurus, pill pushers, and fitness machine maniacs make it so complex. and naturally build my own fitness empire as another small step to world domination too! I can’t help but feel most of those guys have those complex gimmicks for the single purpose of preying on people for their money. A monastic like myself should remember that essence isn’t complex. Somehow I temporarily forgot my own message. *Stay mindful, be aware, actively choose, just remember I have the power of the plate in how much I put on it or remove from it.* The Simple is not the complex.
I got some more chimichangas tonight and had one for dinner… Simple… call me the Jared of chimichangas, but somehow they are the keystone of this fitness journey.
At Foolsfitness it’s all about the Chimichangas!- Alan

Friday, December 25, 2009

I Could Not Inhale Air, but I was Happy!

Merry Christmas everyone! I have these shorts I keep on my bathroom door as a reminder of where I want to go in my resizing journey. Sometimes they come in handy when I want to gorge myself I just look at them, or even slip them on. At the beginning of the journey they would barely go up over my backside. Well the other day I sort of cheated and decided to see if I could buckle them up “under” the belly. I can officially say I got into those shorts before the end of the year!!!
Now there is some important information I’ve come across that I assume somehow that some chicks already know as I have seen some pretty tight jeans in my day on some ladies, but I’d like to pass along what I’ve picked up so far…
1) Keep that button on the waistband pointed away from people at all times. If it ever lets go under that kind of pressure someone loosing an eye is pretty much a given. Lets just say that I’m now thinking about getting a new television.
2) Never bend down. I’m not sure if there is a trick to sitting somehow in ultra tight garments… I think it involves some advanced breathing technique used by ancient dieters from Egypt who were expert exhalers. Enjoy lots of air before snapping them up, because inhaling just isn’t a good idea when if you are like me and trying to fit into pants 8 inches too small. I’m pretty sure that inhaling after buttoning them up wasn’t even an option.
3) As I mentioned about the inability of breathing. You’ve got a minute or so before you pass out… and those shorts if they are like mine are really hard (maybe even harder) to UNbutton so you might want a pair of scissors handy in reach to do some jaws of life can opener trick before you loose all feeling and hit the floor.
Ironically almost every family I know has somehow taken me out for Chinese food over the holidays. (Like I can say no anyway!) and eating under stress, and eating junk, and just eating everything in sight… lets say the new year will start a new weigh in with a sight reset. (Okay… major reset) BUT I FIT INTO THOSE SHORTS!!! (Kind-of…)
About the picture… I actually got elf pants given to me as a gift and they fit my Beenie baby sized Eeyore perfectly. I however have some work to do before they will fit me… or for that matter even remotely functioning in those shorts on my bathroom door either.
I’m still trying to take care of Christmas here, I haven’t forgot picking names for the DVD’s. I’m just trying to iron out those last holiday wrinkles and tie up those last few loose ends first.
A Foolsfitness Merry Christmas to all… and a Foolsfitness warning: “If your waist is eight inches more than the pants… you may not want to try it.” - Alan

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Attacked by Elves

Isn’t he adorable! My little elf was an early Christmas gift given to me by someone even more precious… thank you Elaine! There is a local doll company here called “Annalee dolls“. I've got a huge soft spot for cute teddy bears or little stuffed animals! I haven‘t even got my own Christmas shopping barely started and no decorations up… although I‘ve at least helped others do theirs, and it was nice spending time with them. Plus they got me Chinese food!!!
Sorry I haven’t posted as the norm. I’m being overwhelmed by life. I had to fill in for a service last minute for a pastor who is sick, I now have two classes I’m teaching, A couple of art projects going, inspecting (and repairing) my car, writing a newsletter article, and I’m trying to design a game that is similar to a miniature wargame and uses cards that isn’t about violence but in making Christian disciples that would draw the interest the youth of the church enough to play it while making it also useful for teaching about the Christian faith. (yeah that’s a big challenge but I‘ve got to find a way to reach out to them.) It short I’ve been flat out… burning the candle at both ends and it’s taken it’s toll. But after the first of the year it should mellow out a bit.
Plus loosing family and friends around this time of year… including two friends this year… it’s just a lot. I’ve had to cancel Christmas trip and skip appointments due to double booking the time in error. I sort of need to break myself into three when all I want to do is hide in my house. I don’t think I was really anywhere near 100 percent before all this to start with. There is even so much ice in my driveway that cars in park with the emergency brake on can slide down the hill. To top it off I cracked a piece of stained glass in an orniment I was making that took me hours… just as I was doing the last bit of solder. (Sorry, enough whining… here’s the facts about fitness)
As far as diet and exercise go, well I’m falling apart. I’m not putting any energy into watching what I eat… then stress eating and being loose on the go. Skipping workouts… gaining weight. I’ve got to refocus and get some priorities in line… if I can’t keep me together I can’t serve others well for long.
I guess this time is more emergency all hands on deck and just hang on. A new pastor comes in January, and I finish teaching two classes. Perhaps after all the storm I can really dwell on how I over commit and stress eat as well as not take time to focus and make priorities to my own health and well being. I feel like over the last two months I’ve gotten fitness demoralized. I even missed volleyball last night.
Don’t forget any reply before Dec 25th gets a chance at a dvd to be given away after Christmas. (see the post below this one for detials)
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. Maybe I can get some more interesting reading/ Artwork up before the big day… but no promises I may not be able to do at the moment.
At Foolsfitness we love the Lord Jesus Christ… however sometimes there feels like a bit of an evil buzz around the holiday time of Christmas almost if it‘s some kind of cover up conspiracy to try to hide the message of God‘s love for us. -Alan

Monday, December 7, 2009

Toon Tuesday Christmas Giveaway (YOU MIGHT WIN DVD PRIZE!)

Foolsfitness has a couple of DVD’s to give away to wish people a Merry Christmas! Enter at any and ALL blog posting(s) from this one to Christmas(but once per blog post) by just commenting with a reply gets you an automatic chance… right up to midnight Christmas eve. That’s right, check back often and leave a comment at EACH bog posting for yet another chance to win! I’ll pick two winners (one for art and one for general posting reply) just after Christmas. Here is details… 2 ways to enter:
FIRST, just leave a reply in the comment section as I mentioned. Tell me about something you love about Christmas, normally comment about the blog entry, Or just even just say hi. Only once per blog post I‘ll count, however you may post *EACH* blog post for a greater chance to win. I will consider any reply (one per post) between now and in any of my blog postings up to midnight of Christmas eve. The winner (chosen at random) will get to pick among one of the 2 DVDs not chosen by the Art winner. The Art winner gets first choice… hey, I’m an artist, I’m partial.
SECOND… because I’m an artist naturally I love art and want to encourage people to make some! Create some kind of art (drawing, painting, photography, sculpting, sewing, even a Christmas story…) as long as it is *newly made* and centers around the theme of “Christmas” in some way. Post it on your blog or somewhere and leave a comment in my replies with a link for me to see it. (my only real request here beyond it being 1) new and 2) loosely around Christmas theme and 3) Your art *not someone else’s* is that the Art be 4)*“family friendly”* in case younger viewers are also checking out your artwork) I’ll just pick amongst ones I like at the end for a winner of a DVD. Moreover that Winner gets pick among the DVD’s first. Even Moreover the moreover than that, you get to shamelessly promote your blog and or artwork! WOW! (ok… well at least it seems wow when I write this in the wee hours of the morning)
WHAT’S THE PRIZE??? Art winner gets first choice among three new DVD’s… Reply posting winner gets to choose among the other two left.
1) Billy Blanks TAE BO the strength within… believers workout
2) Latin Rhythm Workout by Kathy Smith… Hot Latin Sounds. Easy steps!
3) the RANDOM Black Box… You want to live on the edge, I’ll send you a surprise movie… just promise you’ll only watch it with low fat popcorn and diet soda!!!
DISCLAIMERS: I’m trying to make this simple and fun. I’ll ship worldwide as long as I can reasonably afford to. Um, if the DVD’s get abducted by aliens in shipment, damaged by fires started by zombie infestations, destroyed in some massive tsunami or I do before mailing them… My only excuse is I’m trying. Not everyone can win these, it’s just a game, you don’t need a DVD to reinforce the fact that you are a winner in much more important things already. Batteries not included. Some settling may occur. Professional driver on close track. Do not attempt at home. If winners don’t reply to notifications I’ll pick someone else… And any other disclaimers I forgot please insert here…X… Be reasonable!!! I’m trying to give away things here. I’m a vagabond artist not a lawyer Jim!
Ok, Happy Advent! Merry Christmas. Go easy on the Fruitcake.
At Foolsfitness we hate fruitcake and have banned it from our gyms. In fact we have fruitcake sensor checkpoints with fruitcake sniffing dogs at all entrances. -Alan

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Riots in Rockwell’s Dept 56 Christmas Village

You have God like powers when you set up those little ceramic houses for your Christmas village on your table or under the tree. One switch and you cut off power to a whole town! Should you choose, a little ceramic villager would be banished from the town for ever. Drunk with power yet?
I had the honor to set up a little ceramic dept 56 style village on a table complete with sheets of fake snow and down to even shrubs. The picture above is a shot taken by Ann (Thanks again for letting me play with your village!) after I set it up for her.
As the time passed while I was assembling the village I got a little over the top thinking about the community I was assembling. I had to ask her about what the main export of the village was, how they supported themselves. Then I thought about zoning… would people want a commercial enterprise like a bakery or antique shop next to a residential zone?! The town apparently has funding problems because they do not maintain the roads well… they are covered in snow.
Then my mind drifted toward thinking about the townspeople. This gentleman who delivers Christmas trees with his cart… what is his business during outside the holiday months. He obviously runs bootleg moonshine. In front of the Inn his wife is meeting another man for a rendezvous. That other man is a drinker, (the figure seems to fall down a lot) but he does pay attention to her more and makes her feel special. Little Jesse is a difficult youth, who pelts everyone with snowballs… and doesn’t play nice with his toys. A little girl is sitting next to the ice rink. Her mother is going to sue the town because her daughter fell down on a poorly maintained ice arena. The man who runs the antique shop has faulty wiring due to poor patch jobs, neglect, and jerry rigged electrical outlets… and he never shovels his walks or maintains his grounds.

During Thanksgiving vegetarian protesters marched around the tiny little ceramic village park trying to convince people to leave turkeys alone… I haven’t seen the little Christmas village in a few days, but I’m assuming there may shortly be looting and riots due to unemployment rates skyrocketing and the village bakery being a monopoly food supplier deciding to profiteer by charging ten dollars a loaf of bread. (Do the people who make ceramic villages make ceramic national guard troop figures and equipment? We may need to send them in an declare martial law at some point… I‘m thinking I should get her at least a little ceramic tank that‘s equipped with ceramic tear gas launchers ) Yeah, I got a bit of an imagination. (Next time I visit I may bring a plastic Godzilla figure with me to attack the village!!!)
We get to at least have a large part in building the ceramic villages of our own lives though. While we may not foresee everything we get to pick to a large part of what goes on that table or not. Moreover how it’s organized on that table too. I may need to do a bit of maintenance, as some of my figures have fallen over… regaining smoking or loss of watching what I eat. Perhaps that dusty “gym” ceramic house needs to get cleaned up and back on the table. I may need to plow my roads. Moreover, rezone the bakery… or shut it down due to levied back taxes? My caloric tax budget definitely… well lets just say there is a lot of pork in my spending? My own little village is almost at the point where I need to declare martial law.
AWARD! Foolsfitness has been awarded the “Superior Scribbler Award” Thanks to Katie J It has some rules but I have a huge inability to follow directions. Moreover the thing that is curious to me is if they are awards, it doesn’t seem like you should have to do so much… it’s like having to buy stuff to get a “free gift”. I do thank her. I do also have my own “Foolsfitness UNcommon Sense Award” (with no strings attached) in the works to give out hopefully soon…
Rettakat suggested (challenged?) a “Toon Tuesday” post… I thought I’d post this for fun. My drawing started on paper and was colored digitally. It’s loosely inspired by a comic called “Mouse Guard” I was reading lately.

I guess I was thinking how I’ve been feeling that I am facing some pretty large foes… and if you’re a mouse against a monster )or turkey?) you’re going to need to bring a matchstick cannon! (Click on the image and again and it might get bigger. Or not… haven’t figured out image sizing yet.) Oh, consider visiting her at and congratulating her on her recent 100 pounds off mark!!! WOW!
Making Cute Ceramic Christmas villages frightening is just the Foolsfitness way!- Alan