Monday, November 30, 2009

Please Stand by…

I haven’t posted in a bit due to going away for the holiday (Thanksgiving) and now I’m trying to catch up on just basic chores and work… also trying to just catch my wind here. So the normal style postings should be back in the works soon.
Yes, I ate way too much… now 312.5 for like a 9 pound gain over the last two weekends… I’ve hovered in these 12 pounds (up and down) since about the end of September. I must have lost and gained these last few pounds about 7 times!!! I even started smoking again… Tomorrow starts December… I hate to say beginning tomorrow, so I will say beginning now I’m going to try to regain some focus.
I’ve been trying to capture that essence that makes this not just a numbers game but a total life redesign. Lately my thoughts have been dwelling on the idea that it isn’t an “all or nothing” thing… but just small refinements that make me just a little more (or less depending on your point of view) I’m not sure what the word I wan is… maybe more refined, defined, closer to my essence. While the goal is to shed all the excess baggage (weight and all the other life un-essentials) it’s so easy to fall back into old ways or get distracted and off path.
I wonder if it’s for everyone who drops a “lot” of weight that it isn’t about focus on the pounds at all really, as it seems to be a set up for failure to just go through the motions… but there is a core need to dig into the depths and look into the abyss. AT least for me it seems like one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted. I know I am exhausted. I could make excuses about how it’s a bad time of year with loosing my family, or the added pressures of my work, or loss of friends passing away recently… but I guess the core of it is today the stuffing won and also the stuffing is being beaten out of me, and I‘m trying to beat the stuffing out of myself (and frankly I‘m not sure if that is the good or bad stuffing) …… Maybe tomorrow will be different.

So "please stand by" as Foolsfitness is having some technical difficulties...
Insert cute and witty foolsfitness signoff here… Alan

Monday, November 23, 2009

Being an Evil Mastermind is Hard

I think we can learn from evil masterminds as they want to take over the world, we want to take over the world of our own personal bodies. Did you ever notice the evil mastermind in how they are genius, yet at the same time have no wisdom? They usually have this incredibly complex and creative plan for world domination which if you plan to take over the world you, I assume, should have.
Yet I think their flaw is in continued focus. Once the great plan is enacted, they go back to their favorite hobbies. What are evil mastermind’s favorite hobbies you ask? I think they have two.
The first is laughing manically. I’m wondering if the being evil thing is getting a bad wrap. Most of the bad guys, now I’m not taking of the run of the mill thugs but the costume wearing thug employers who are card carrying members of the “Union of Anti-Superheroes” here, are very jovial guys. They have taken private lessons from Santa Claus when they were children on how to laugh from the belly and not just giggle like the common man. They may have some kind of certificate of completion in laughology, I’m not certain. I know I laugh well... but I'm a natural.
Their second favorite hobby has to be a two-fold hobby. They need to come up with some very cool super weapon including a very cool name for it… Personally I’ve been working on a name for my own… how does “The Buelizer Ray” sound? Sorry, I digress… Then they need to capture a superhero, and being a good nemesis they should threaten him, tell him the complete plan and how it will decimate the universe in general. … (capturing the heroes girlfriend is optional, in spite of that common belief… see the manual under “Proper Procedures of World Domination Plans” ) Then they go back to laughing and have some tea.
As I mentioned their flaw is in lack of continued focus… they go have tea, some laughing and forget to monitor the plan. There is a need to watch the superheroes more so they don’t get loose and mess everything up that was so hard to put in motion! You may know where I’m running with this.
Last Friday I check in a weight of 303.5 for another loss! About 3 pounds off since last time. Over the weekend, you see, being evil I needed to reach my maniacal laughing quota… and naturally forgot to keep an eye on the plan, by grazing mindlessly on brownies and late night goodies. I might tell you that Monday’s weight was up *severely* but I won’t post it because I am evil after all…My normal Monday weigh in number I choose to ignore because being evil I’m not limited by the restraints of reality… at least for a while. Never the less, if I keep laughing manically for much longer… lets just say I’m losing henchmen even now while I continue to not pay attention. They are currently disarming the Buelizer Ray even now while I’m having this here donut and cinnamon roll with my tea.
Being a super villain is hard. I need to remember to pay attention most all the time. Maybe we all do? Plus even in the bad economy do you have any idea how much the rent is on a good evil head quarters? When will I ever learn that I get too confident, drop the ball, and then try to eat all those plates of food at the “All You Can Eat Evil Buffet“? But it’s not my fault! I got distracted by my new cape… I love how it billows around me as I walk menacingly about and it’s so soft at 80 percent cotton/20 percent silk too!
At Foolsfitness our world domination schemes have been foiled again, but just wait until next time!!! Oh, wait Thursday is Thanksgiving and with all that yummy stuffing… well just wait until the time after next time! Muhuhahahaha! -Alan

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tea for 2

Why is $19.95 so much cheaper than 20 dollars? it just somehow seems so much less even though its 5 cents! I’m looking toward the *under* 300 pound goal (I’m getting so close! Of course every time I say that I seem to blow it) I think it might be a hoot to have “Tea for 2“ treat... There is some huge psychological hurtle between 300 something and 299 even if its just a couple of pounds. I’m thinking the treat is a real *new* fancy tea pot and some tea balls and loose tea.
I use to have a “cozy” which is as pathetic as it sounds… a blankie for your tea pot to keep it warm to let the tea steep. I’ve been on a massive tea kick. I got a used tea pot. I also have several sampler packs of black teas. I have had a complete ritual to making tea. You boil water in the kettle first starting with sharp cold water. After the water is boiling (active…not boiled past tense) and then rinse out the tea pot to heat the tea pot up… then pour in boiling water into the tea pot, gentle over the bags (Yeah I’m crazy when I freak out to the point about not bruising the tea leaves). … and then put the cozy over the tea pot to let it steep. Tea is not made in 10 seconds… it must steep!!! Yeah, I need a hobby or something and less caffeine huh…
Lots of stuff going on:
*Officially I have now eaten several vegetables including that spaghetti squash I mentioned about in my last blog… or the thing I loving refer to as “the alien pod“. Also get this… a visit to KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) and the total order was a grilled chicken breast. I use to consume twice as many calories in soda alone in past visits!
*I did the whole volleyball thing once more complete with the Spiderman impersonations and the bloody knee again. This time is my team rocked. I had a serving run of 10 points before the other team scored, I also scored a winning serve to finish one of the games off. I even got compliments on my serve!
* “The Fools Fitness Fellowship” group that I started at my church is growing. Some of the stuff I’ve been able to pull together about nutrition from various sources I’ve found on the net has been cool. I also have been playing games like guess the calories and this one you have got to try… fill a pitcher with water and pour out what you believe is one cup (8 ounces) of water into a bowl. Now take that bowl and pour it into a measuring cup. I’d suggest putting something under the measuring cup because my group poured sometimes 2 cups or even a bit more in the attempt!!! I love the group… I’m learning as I teach, and it’s keeping me on track better too. This week I’ve got a caloric poker bluff game planned where people will have caloric menus and try to up the stakes up to certain caloric and fat levels.
* I’ve gone a few days without Chinese food!!! I don’t want to be afraid of it by hiding from it, but I also want to illustrate to myself that I have the choice within me to say no to it for a while. I planned my pledge for a week ending this Friday and I am a man of my word… then I will choose to either enjoy some then or wait longer.
*That two hundred something mark is going to be so incredible for a bizarre reason that maybe lighter folks don‘t even consider. My bathroom scale maxes out at 300. I can’t weigh myself at home! I get “EEEE” yup I seem to frighten my scale! Like I don’t know it’s an “error” to weigh over 300 pounds already!
*Another odd thing that lighter folk may not think about. This is crazy I know but I got really freaked last night as I felt a bone in the joint of my wrists. I was kind of concerned at first… I mean I don’t remember seeing that there!!! I have honestly not seen my wrist bones in so long… wow. I have wrists! There are lots of little things that you can really appreciate as you drop weight from being very large. Tying your shoes. Zipping up a flight of stairs. Getting in and out of your car easier. Just *finding* clothes that fit you, never mind in the style you want… just even ones that *fit*!
*I’m working on whole life balance. From the food end in eating more mindfully in portions and in nutrition. Financial working on cutting out the debt. Fitness finding sane enjoyable activities loosely referred to exercise that I’ll do and repeat. Teaching and preaching occasionally… Now something enjoyable… maybe drawing just for fun without a client in mind. Or amusing myself with a subject without finding the need to study it. Working out sane schedules. I haven’t really taken a real day off in a while. I have honestly in my whole life never gone on a vacation over like a weekend stay. Maybe that will be a treat goal near the goal of 12 percent body fat way on down the line… to take a week and really go someplace just for fun sake, not for business, learning, the church, somebody, or any reason other than I want to go and enjoy it. I appreciate my passion and zeal, but I also need to learn moderation… in multiple things, to find some sane happy middle point.
At Foolsfitness we want our workout music in our gyms from people like the B-52’s and Prince because they ooze style! Oh, and that Willy Wonka Oompha Loompa song!- Alan

Monday, November 16, 2009

Finding an Alien Pod

Log entry 21...The approximately 5 pound specimen currently resides in my ice box as I am unaware what action to take next. Oh that I had the wherewithal to show this abomination to the authorities, yet my fear unhinges me that I would be placed in protective custody in a ward for those whom have touched minds. As to the exact manner of this creature I am perplexed… even perhaps to some hallucination. Had I not have my wits about me I would take to fancy, considering the possibility that I may have a dragon egg in my presence.
Perhaps it would be best to begin with details of my expedition of this tangled tale into the uncharted land named by the natives as Aisle One. Myself and my companion had geared up for the journey well, my cigarette case was full with PEZ. Each pouch in the vest of my well made traveling garb sported two candy bars. I held a frozen pizza as a shield cautiously before me… my colleague bore two gallons of sweetened ice tea and was the best sort of company by merely offering escort into this vast unknown Yet my escorts stomach quickly soured, hindered by little scruples of conscience and alas... I was left to fend for mine own self.
Upon rounding a corner mine eye’s were blinded by a plethora of colors far surpassing a fancy dress ball, it‘s ostentation overwhelmed my being and was only dwarfed by the assault on my olfactory senses. Keeping ceremony to a minimum, treading lightly and fast of foot I pressed on to procure a sample of one of these alien pods. Hark! Looking down I noticed already some man of science had labeled this thing “Spaghetti Squash 0394” with a small round tag affixed underneath.
It is not courteous nor well to prejudice others by my writings that indicate the utmost correlation of the inseparable duo of vegetables and the utter lack of well being of the spirit. If I am to be a fine figure of a gentleman, well bred, one of education and good taste, even the epitome of propriety and good manners… I would have to experience world travel including Aisle One, including its fruits and vegetables.
I have since expanded my horizons with this world cuisine…. *AHEM… YUP, I ATE A VEGETABLE!* I admit to paying a ode to Verne and H. G. Wells. I adore classic literature. I don’t however adore vegetables… to the point I think I can coun’t my vegetable choices for the last month on a single hand, but who knows, in time that may change.
I started a few days back with a can of spinach. It was a riot as it had apparently sat in my pantry for a while. It was expired about 2 years back in 2007. I ate it anyway, because I am the fool in fools fitness. I’ve got a new tea pot and have been “drinking heavily” with it. I got fixated on an ice cream kick for a bit but today I weighed at 306.5 for a -7.5 pound drop! It’s been a bit chaotic for the last month or so but this is the lowest recorded point in the blog! I’m not sure if the wild shifts are water or clothes, I’m sure there has been some stress eating in the past too but -36.5 pounds off since the start… I like that. I like that a lot. I just want to say it a couple more times and relish in it -36 pounds gone! -36 pounds weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Did Foolsfitness mention 36.5 pounds is gone? That number again is thirty six and one half pounds!-Alan

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

What I learned at the checkout.

“Did you find everything you were looking for today?“ I got into a discussion with a checkout woman who was trained to say this. I have personally worked for a store in the past that had a sign in the back room that actually said, “Make every decision count to maximize sales and profit”… maybe a little Karma came back on them as they are out of business today as the consumers realized that the store needed to be cut from the customers bottom line huh? It’s common for checkout people to have to push some “item of the day”.
There is a war going on, but this one isn’t so obvious… in that it has much more going on under the surface. People want you to buy stuff, that’s simple. But there are psychologists, marketing groups, teams, even cult behavior experts all studying how they can win you over to their side to buy their stuff. I have to ask to be put on a do not call list so marketers won’t call my house. I have to find my newspaper through all the ads. I have to find my news under all the spin. I’m constantly asking myself when I hear anything now “What do they want? What are they selling?“ I’m pretty sure that they don’t even just want your money at this point… they want *YOU*.
Before you think I’m going all mass conspiracy theory on you I’m even going to amp it up another notch. I’m wondering what would happen if I could tap into that juggernaut and use it for good instead of evil. Please don’t misunderstand me, I think companies should make some money… But I’m wondering if there is a way that we can harness this marketing machine somehow to sell ourselves *US*. Because we are worth it. YOU are way more impressive than any of those 19.95 plus shipping and handling plastic gismos… I want to really buy me enough to make the “easy” payments of the sensible portions and the workouts. (I’m planning to come up with a serious marketing plan to sell myself me… maybe I can come up with something to share too that might help you want to buy yourself too)
So I’d like to introduce today the most amazing product ever… YOU. Ah, asking what does this product do is a very good question! Well *YOU* can be amazing. First, with proper care YOU can give a lifetime of service. BUT my friends by using our easy multiple payments plan of consistent movement and food intake choices you can opt to up to the value pack… which includes extra longevity, ability to move easier with being less winded, and much more… Act now! This is a limited time offer! Besides, if you’re not happy with the results you can just gain the weight back.
I want you to want you. Remember that you are not the “item of the day“ but the item of a lifetime! Act now…
I guest posted at Mizfit last week and thought I should share a link if you’d like to check it out…
See! Because you acted now you got a free post to read! What an incredible bonus!
Foolsfitness would like to remind you that *YOU* are the value pack worth the extra cost!- Alan

Monday, November 9, 2009

I need Style. What’s In or Out, Hot or Not?

I always get a kick out of seeing those tabloid magazines on the racks at the checkout. Actress somebody”s Fashion flop! You are not wearing those are you?! Those were soooo 5 minutes ago!
What is your style? How have you changed, or are evolving now? Remember the eighties? Did you have the puffy mullet hair or preppy upturned collar shirts with an alligator on the pocket? Maybe it was Huey Lewis and the News with some Michael J Fox… back to the future for you? In a way I’ve never really left the eighties. I still listen to the B-52’s. I’m not retro… I never left. I tried shopping for some new “hip” clothes last weekend. I did get a vest, but really got overwhelmed and just got a new mug for my tea.
I still consider matching my socks by the goal of “two clean ones”. My house has a early thrift store d├ęcor. I can’t say that any of my furniture matches, nor do I own two of the same of any dishes or cups. If there were a black hole of contemporary style… it would center over me. I’m not saying I don’t have style, just not the “in” style. I think my style has something to do with wearing old style hats and going to Chinese food buffets. It also apparently has to do with sweat pants… I have lots of those.
If you are serious about the journey, being getting more fit and/or getting rid of some excess baggage you must see some style changes? I’ve seemed to hit a weight plateau where I drop to a certain point and then bounce around it up and down. I think it’s really *style warfare*. The old way me and the newer me are in a tug-of-war of change verses the status quo. I’m not really sure who the me is here. How are you changing, evolving, or what are you struggling with? Here is my list:
Regular Soda is out. Diet soda is being replaced more by tea.
Eating out of the bag is gone. No more endless grazing without thought to intake.
I am now a label loony. I need to know what a serving is and how many and what calories it contains. I am much more aware how much I am eating (Even when I’m eating way too much I‘m more conscious of it)
The Chinese food dragon, he rages stronger! For some reason somehow I end up still eating too much at the buffet and even more often as the journey continues. I need to master one day walking into the buffet place and having a single reasonable plate of food… with some of the plate still visible. I have walked away from a little food on the plate so it’s progress, the problem is that it’s always been the second plate that had been heaped up. I will get this.
Still struggling with portions, but now “a pizza” is not “a serving” again, moderation isn’t really in my vocabulary… but I’m trying to experiment recreationally with it. I’ve made some steps but they need to be more consistent.
Candy bars no longer really interest me (Honest!) That’s weird. I use to be nuts for peanut M+M’s too but not really now. I got through all Halloween with a single small pumpkin candy. Maybe it’s because I eat granola bars sometimes. Caloric wise they are somewhat close, but I think have a bit more nutrient dense mix in them.
Chips out. I do some rice cakes (but only the flavored ones). I used to be a Doritio eating machine.
I have become obsessed with chimichungas and pierogies. I think part of it is the simple prep in the microwave. Plus beyond my personal taste for them I think the former has a good mix of a bit of everything. The peirogies rock at having six for 340 calories and the fat is nearly nill at 40 calories.
I still am freaked around vegetables. The only basic way I have them is in V-8... If at all.
I’ve learned from experience as two different friends have passed away over a week that I can be a huge emotional eater. I’ve made some progress with this reminding myself that food doesn’t fix it… but this week was just a mess and I didn’t convince myself of that fact well at all… 5.5 pound gain! 314. Yet I can’t blame others, or make excuses… well I could but the truth is I can do way better. I know. I have done worse but I know I have in me the ability to do far better. No matter what it is, its not a good excuse. Food is fuel. To be enjoyed, but not for the sake of enjoyment.
I’ve made some progress even among set backs. It’s not an all or nothing deal. It bothers me to gain some pounds back, but hopefully I’m gaining the wisdom from the experience this time too. So it’ stands at about 29 pounds off since the start.
So the next goals I think need to be to really focus more on portions and lock in some better balance in what I’m eating, along with long term consistency. Wow I’m like rocket scientist brilliant here huh? So I got to learn what I needed to learn from the beginning pretty much…
Wisdom of Foolsfitness says that when one looses a pound… it is best to not celebrate with a pound of food.- Alan

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Why can’t they just sit on park benches?

I’m not sure if those so called “Zen Masters” impress me. They are always up on some tall mountain or off in the vast wasteland desert… If Zen is about being at peace and shedding all your desires, as “want” is the vessel to suffering all that stuff, why can they be content just sitting on a park bench someplace? Aren’t they wasting lots of energy and time to get to tops of mountains when they should really learn contentment? Also, if they desire t shed their wants and desires isn’t that really a desire too? They are stuck in some eternal conundrum like one of those white faced mimes in invisible boxes. Then they have to punish themselves for the whole thing by sitting in those pretzel positions and try to convince themselves they are a flower. Again, if they are so free from want and desire why can’t they just lay down or even just lean on a wall.
GUESS WHAT I DID!!! Today I tried to do my Spiderman impression, flying upside down and sideways through the air with arms and legs flailing in every direction. In my superhero training I need to learn how to land. I had to check for blood twice. Have you ever seen one of those week old bruised apples? That’s my whole body. Even my eyelashes hurt. I got hit in the head, scratched my knee, and my hands and forearms are red in pain… I short, I loved it. As I write this I’ve pretty much lost all sensation in my body. I’ve achieved that Zen state of an outer body experience.
Was I training to be a ninja? No, I played some serious volleyball. Not the kid family get together kind, but the set to the center and jumping and spiking and blocking… sliding on the floor, the ignoring minor flesh wounds kind! In short, I loved it. I may need to remind myself of this fact tomorrow when I can’t get out of bed… hey, I am an all or nothing kind of guy not doing anything lightly. I am not an organ donor because I seriously plan to use up every bit of my body I can before I die. Embrace the chaos! Thrash the life out of life! Don’t mind me I’m still on the euphoric high from all the endorphins as my body is freaking out shaking madly. I’ll just say I played with passion.
I also lost *every* single game. G. K. Chesterton mentioned once something along the lines that it’s great to see someone who loves something enough to do it badly. Intensity is one of my trademarks… so is, loosing apparently… But, “ I’ll stop when I can’t lift my arms or pass out thanks.”
I was thinking about being in that “Zen” zone in workouts. People talk about machines that do whole body workouts, circuit training, options for aerobics classes in the newest fad… be it playing with big bouncy balls rolling around on the floor with them or pretending to be a ninja in kick boxing but what is the best workout? I think it just might be the one that you do and keep doing. It’s got to be the workout you enjoy and don’t see it as torment because you are less likely to do it again right? If you like to walk then walk, or bike, or what ever it is. Don’t freak out that someone someplace is more of a “fat burning machine” getting a “whole body workout” that is better than yours… because I figure the one you enjoy you will stick with and you maybe even might put in more than the 20 minutes a day three times a week mantra.
I think people need to come to terms with the fact they may never be a size 4 or a superhero. Others are not your measuring stick! You are improving you not making you someone else entirely. I may not be the next superhero fighting 5 criminals at once then leaping from rooftop to rooftop… but maybe someday I’m going to block a spike in volleyball. Well, I need to go pass out now.
At Foolsfitness we always check for minor flesh wounds and/or bleeding after our workouts.- Alan

Monday, November 2, 2009

10 Percent Off Alan and Favorite Post Celebration

It’s official! This weeks -1.5 pound drop makes -34.5 pounds off ! THAT IS 10% OFF ME!!! Join in the sale because this fat must go! Buy a pound, get a pound free! My current special is 2 pounds I’ve had on my hip since High School thanks to Mac and Cheese! Yes folks, you will be seeing “less” of me!
How’d I do it? Well last week there was the pizza, fettuccini alfredo, Chinese food, oh and don’t forget the Halloween chocolate! I know, you're thinking have I've been inhaling too many fumes off my sweaty gym clothes… Seriously, it’s all about the developing Foolsfitness Philosophy of actively choosing by free will to be mindful of nutritional needs, aware of portions, the safe movement of the body, and taking the power of the plate. No fad diets, no 5 minute workout machines, no guilt, there are no good or bad magic foods, no weird supplements or drugs! The diet and fitness industries’ “common” sense… well, lets just say I think it’s time for some “Fools Fitness UNcommon Sense”!
Welcome to some new friends who have recently found my blog and so I would like to invite everyone to look around… take the tour, have a cookie! To all who read I hope you have a laugh, and join me on the adventure. Lets walk the journey together. Here is a few posts I have enjoyed writing that you may have missed or might want to check out or re-read.
My secret 5 minute workout machine can be found here:
My Amazing PEZ diet plan! I love PEZ candy and their dispensers!
If you’ve followed my blog for very long you know my love for Chinese Food Buffets. I thought I’d write about how to eat more and more food:
What Squirrels have taught me:
I tripped over my own arrogance on the treadmill here
And remember at Foolsfitness you too can loose weight quickly and easily by wearing lighter clothes!- Alan