.
“Did you find everything you were looking for today?“ I got into a discussion with a checkout woman who was trained to say this. I have personally worked for a store in the past that had a sign in the back room that actually said, “Make every decision count to maximize sales and profit”… maybe a little Karma came back on them as they are out of business today as the consumers realized that the store needed to be cut from the customers bottom line huh? It’s common for checkout people to have to push some “item of the day”.
There is a war going on, but this one isn’t so obvious… in that it has much more going on under the surface. People want you to buy stuff, that’s simple. But there are psychologists, marketing groups, teams, even cult behavior experts all studying how they can win you over to their side to buy their stuff. I have to ask to be put on a do not call list so marketers won’t call my house. I have to find my newspaper through all the ads. I have to find my news under all the spin. I’m constantly asking myself when I hear anything now “What do they want? What are they selling?“ I’m pretty sure that they don’t even just want your money at this point… they want *YOU*.
Before you think I’m going all mass conspiracy theory on you I’m even going to amp it up another notch. I’m wondering what would happen if I could tap into that juggernaut and use it for good instead of evil. Please don’t misunderstand me, I think companies should make some money… But I’m wondering if there is a way that we can harness this marketing machine somehow to sell ourselves *US*. Because we are worth it. YOU are way more impressive than any of those 19.95 plus shipping and handling plastic gismos… I want to really buy me enough to make the “easy” payments of the sensible portions and the workouts. (I’m planning to come up with a serious marketing plan to sell myself me… maybe I can come up with something to share too that might help you want to buy yourself too)
So I’d like to introduce today the most amazing product ever… YOU. Ah, asking what does this product do is a very good question! Well *YOU* can be amazing. First, with proper care YOU can give a lifetime of service. BUT my friends by using our easy multiple payments plan of consistent movement and food intake choices you can opt to up to the value pack… which includes extra longevity, ability to move easier with being less winded, and much more… Act now! This is a limited time offer! Besides, if you’re not happy with the results you can just gain the weight back.
I want you to want you. Remember that you are not the “item of the day“ but the item of a lifetime! Act now…
I guest posted at Mizfit last week and thought I should share a link if you’d like to check it out…
http://mizfitonline.com/2009/11/05/foolsfitness-hope-change-guest-post/
See! Because you acted now you got a free post to read! What an incredible bonus!
Foolsfitness would like to remind you that *YOU* are the value pack worth the extra cost!- Alan
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
I need Style. What’s In or Out, Hot or Not?
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I always get a kick out of seeing those tabloid magazines on the racks at the checkout. Actress somebody”s Fashion flop! You are not wearing those are you?! Those were soooo 5 minutes ago!
What is your style? How have you changed, or are evolving now? Remember the eighties? Did you have the puffy mullet hair or preppy upturned collar shirts with an alligator on the pocket? Maybe it was Huey Lewis and the News with some Michael J Fox… back to the future for you? In a way I’ve never really left the eighties. I still listen to the B-52’s. I’m not retro… I never left. I tried shopping for some new “hip” clothes last weekend. I did get a vest, but really got overwhelmed and just got a new mug for my tea.
I still consider matching my socks by the goal of “two clean ones”. My house has a early thrift store décor. I can’t say that any of my furniture matches, nor do I own two of the same of any dishes or cups. If there were a black hole of contemporary style… it would center over me. I’m not saying I don’t have style, just not the “in” style. I think my style has something to do with wearing old style hats and going to Chinese food buffets. It also apparently has to do with sweat pants… I have lots of those.
If you are serious about the journey, being getting more fit and/or getting rid of some excess baggage you must see some style changes? I’ve seemed to hit a weight plateau where I drop to a certain point and then bounce around it up and down. I think it’s really *style warfare*. The old way me and the newer me are in a tug-of-war of change verses the status quo. I’m not really sure who the me is here. How are you changing, evolving, or what are you struggling with? Here is my list:
Regular Soda is out. Diet soda is being replaced more by tea.
Eating out of the bag is gone. No more endless grazing without thought to intake.
I am now a label loony. I need to know what a serving is and how many and what calories it contains. I am much more aware how much I am eating (Even when I’m eating way too much I‘m more conscious of it)
The Chinese food dragon, he rages stronger! For some reason somehow I end up still eating too much at the buffet and even more often as the journey continues. I need to master one day walking into the buffet place and having a single reasonable plate of food… with some of the plate still visible. I have walked away from a little food on the plate so it’s progress, the problem is that it’s always been the second plate that had been heaped up. I will get this.
Still struggling with portions, but now “a pizza” is not “a serving” again, moderation isn’t really in my vocabulary… but I’m trying to experiment recreationally with it. I’ve made some steps but they need to be more consistent.
Candy bars no longer really interest me (Honest!) That’s weird. I use to be nuts for peanut M+M’s too but not really now. I got through all Halloween with a single small pumpkin candy. Maybe it’s because I eat granola bars sometimes. Caloric wise they are somewhat close, but I think have a bit more nutrient dense mix in them.
Chips out. I do some rice cakes (but only the flavored ones). I used to be a Doritio eating machine.
I have become obsessed with chimichungas and pierogies. I think part of it is the simple prep in the microwave. Plus beyond my personal taste for them I think the former has a good mix of a bit of everything. The peirogies rock at having six for 340 calories and the fat is nearly nill at 40 calories.
I still am freaked around vegetables. The only basic way I have them is in V-8... If at all.
I’ve learned from experience as two different friends have passed away over a week that I can be a huge emotional eater. I’ve made some progress with this reminding myself that food doesn’t fix it… but this week was just a mess and I didn’t convince myself of that fact well at all… 5.5 pound gain! 314. Yet I can’t blame others, or make excuses… well I could but the truth is I can do way better. I know. I have done worse but I know I have in me the ability to do far better. No matter what it is, its not a good excuse. Food is fuel. To be enjoyed, but not for the sake of enjoyment.
I’ve made some progress even among set backs. It’s not an all or nothing deal. It bothers me to gain some pounds back, but hopefully I’m gaining the wisdom from the experience this time too. So it’ stands at about 29 pounds off since the start.
So the next goals I think need to be to really focus more on portions and lock in some better balance in what I’m eating, along with long term consistency. Wow I’m like rocket scientist brilliant here huh? So I got to learn what I needed to learn from the beginning pretty much…
Wisdom of Foolsfitness says that when one looses a pound… it is best to not celebrate with a pound of food.- Alan
I always get a kick out of seeing those tabloid magazines on the racks at the checkout. Actress somebody”s Fashion flop! You are not wearing those are you?! Those were soooo 5 minutes ago!
What is your style? How have you changed, or are evolving now? Remember the eighties? Did you have the puffy mullet hair or preppy upturned collar shirts with an alligator on the pocket? Maybe it was Huey Lewis and the News with some Michael J Fox… back to the future for you? In a way I’ve never really left the eighties. I still listen to the B-52’s. I’m not retro… I never left. I tried shopping for some new “hip” clothes last weekend. I did get a vest, but really got overwhelmed and just got a new mug for my tea.
I still consider matching my socks by the goal of “two clean ones”. My house has a early thrift store décor. I can’t say that any of my furniture matches, nor do I own two of the same of any dishes or cups. If there were a black hole of contemporary style… it would center over me. I’m not saying I don’t have style, just not the “in” style. I think my style has something to do with wearing old style hats and going to Chinese food buffets. It also apparently has to do with sweat pants… I have lots of those.
If you are serious about the journey, being getting more fit and/or getting rid of some excess baggage you must see some style changes? I’ve seemed to hit a weight plateau where I drop to a certain point and then bounce around it up and down. I think it’s really *style warfare*. The old way me and the newer me are in a tug-of-war of change verses the status quo. I’m not really sure who the me is here. How are you changing, evolving, or what are you struggling with? Here is my list:
Regular Soda is out. Diet soda is being replaced more by tea.
Eating out of the bag is gone. No more endless grazing without thought to intake.
I am now a label loony. I need to know what a serving is and how many and what calories it contains. I am much more aware how much I am eating (Even when I’m eating way too much I‘m more conscious of it)
The Chinese food dragon, he rages stronger! For some reason somehow I end up still eating too much at the buffet and even more often as the journey continues. I need to master one day walking into the buffet place and having a single reasonable plate of food… with some of the plate still visible. I have walked away from a little food on the plate so it’s progress, the problem is that it’s always been the second plate that had been heaped up. I will get this.
Still struggling with portions, but now “a pizza” is not “a serving” again, moderation isn’t really in my vocabulary… but I’m trying to experiment recreationally with it. I’ve made some steps but they need to be more consistent.
Candy bars no longer really interest me (Honest!) That’s weird. I use to be nuts for peanut M+M’s too but not really now. I got through all Halloween with a single small pumpkin candy. Maybe it’s because I eat granola bars sometimes. Caloric wise they are somewhat close, but I think have a bit more nutrient dense mix in them.
Chips out. I do some rice cakes (but only the flavored ones). I used to be a Doritio eating machine.
I have become obsessed with chimichungas and pierogies. I think part of it is the simple prep in the microwave. Plus beyond my personal taste for them I think the former has a good mix of a bit of everything. The peirogies rock at having six for 340 calories and the fat is nearly nill at 40 calories.
I still am freaked around vegetables. The only basic way I have them is in V-8... If at all.
I’ve learned from experience as two different friends have passed away over a week that I can be a huge emotional eater. I’ve made some progress with this reminding myself that food doesn’t fix it… but this week was just a mess and I didn’t convince myself of that fact well at all… 5.5 pound gain! 314. Yet I can’t blame others, or make excuses… well I could but the truth is I can do way better. I know. I have done worse but I know I have in me the ability to do far better. No matter what it is, its not a good excuse. Food is fuel. To be enjoyed, but not for the sake of enjoyment.
I’ve made some progress even among set backs. It’s not an all or nothing deal. It bothers me to gain some pounds back, but hopefully I’m gaining the wisdom from the experience this time too. So it’ stands at about 29 pounds off since the start.
So the next goals I think need to be to really focus more on portions and lock in some better balance in what I’m eating, along with long term consistency. Wow I’m like rocket scientist brilliant here huh? So I got to learn what I needed to learn from the beginning pretty much…
Wisdom of Foolsfitness says that when one looses a pound… it is best to not celebrate with a pound of food.- Alan
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Why can’t they just sit on park benches?
.
I’m not sure if those so called “Zen Masters” impress me. They are always up on some tall mountain or off in the vast wasteland desert… If Zen is about being at peace and shedding all your desires, as “want” is the vessel to suffering all that stuff, why can they be content just sitting on a park bench someplace? Aren’t they wasting lots of energy and time to get to tops of mountains when they should really learn contentment? Also, if they desire t shed their wants and desires isn’t that really a desire too? They are stuck in some eternal conundrum like one of those white faced mimes in invisible boxes. Then they have to punish themselves for the whole thing by sitting in those pretzel positions and try to convince themselves they are a flower. Again, if they are so free from want and desire why can’t they just lay down or even just lean on a wall.
GUESS WHAT I DID!!! Today I tried to do my Spiderman impression, flying upside down and sideways through the air with arms and legs flailing in every direction. In my superhero training I need to learn how to land. I had to check for blood twice. Have you ever seen one of those week old bruised apples? That’s my whole body. Even my eyelashes hurt. I got hit in the head, scratched my knee, and my hands and forearms are red in pain… I short, I loved it. As I write this I’ve pretty much lost all sensation in my body. I’ve achieved that Zen state of an outer body experience.
Was I training to be a ninja? No, I played some serious volleyball. Not the kid family get together kind, but the set to the center and jumping and spiking and blocking… sliding on the floor, the ignoring minor flesh wounds kind! In short, I loved it. I may need to remind myself of this fact tomorrow when I can’t get out of bed… hey, I am an all or nothing kind of guy not doing anything lightly. I am not an organ donor because I seriously plan to use up every bit of my body I can before I die. Embrace the chaos! Thrash the life out of life! Don’t mind me I’m still on the euphoric high from all the endorphins as my body is freaking out shaking madly. I’ll just say I played with passion.
I also lost *every* single game. G. K. Chesterton mentioned once something along the lines that it’s great to see someone who loves something enough to do it badly. Intensity is one of my trademarks… so is, loosing apparently… But, “ I’ll stop when I can’t lift my arms or pass out thanks.”
I was thinking about being in that “Zen” zone in workouts. People talk about machines that do whole body workouts, circuit training, options for aerobics classes in the newest fad… be it playing with big bouncy balls rolling around on the floor with them or pretending to be a ninja in kick boxing but what is the best workout? I think it just might be the one that you do and keep doing. It’s got to be the workout you enjoy and don’t see it as torment because you are less likely to do it again right? If you like to walk then walk, or bike, or what ever it is. Don’t freak out that someone someplace is more of a “fat burning machine” getting a “whole body workout” that is better than yours… because I figure the one you enjoy you will stick with and you maybe even might put in more than the 20 minutes a day three times a week mantra.
I think people need to come to terms with the fact they may never be a size 4 or a superhero. Others are not your measuring stick! You are improving you not making you someone else entirely. I may not be the next superhero fighting 5 criminals at once then leaping from rooftop to rooftop… but maybe someday I’m going to block a spike in volleyball. Well, I need to go pass out now.
At Foolsfitness we always check for minor flesh wounds and/or bleeding after our workouts.- Alan
I’m not sure if those so called “Zen Masters” impress me. They are always up on some tall mountain or off in the vast wasteland desert… If Zen is about being at peace and shedding all your desires, as “want” is the vessel to suffering all that stuff, why can they be content just sitting on a park bench someplace? Aren’t they wasting lots of energy and time to get to tops of mountains when they should really learn contentment? Also, if they desire t shed their wants and desires isn’t that really a desire too? They are stuck in some eternal conundrum like one of those white faced mimes in invisible boxes. Then they have to punish themselves for the whole thing by sitting in those pretzel positions and try to convince themselves they are a flower. Again, if they are so free from want and desire why can’t they just lay down or even just lean on a wall.
GUESS WHAT I DID!!! Today I tried to do my Spiderman impression, flying upside down and sideways through the air with arms and legs flailing in every direction. In my superhero training I need to learn how to land. I had to check for blood twice. Have you ever seen one of those week old bruised apples? That’s my whole body. Even my eyelashes hurt. I got hit in the head, scratched my knee, and my hands and forearms are red in pain… I short, I loved it. As I write this I’ve pretty much lost all sensation in my body. I’ve achieved that Zen state of an outer body experience.
Was I training to be a ninja? No, I played some serious volleyball. Not the kid family get together kind, but the set to the center and jumping and spiking and blocking… sliding on the floor, the ignoring minor flesh wounds kind! In short, I loved it. I may need to remind myself of this fact tomorrow when I can’t get out of bed… hey, I am an all or nothing kind of guy not doing anything lightly. I am not an organ donor because I seriously plan to use up every bit of my body I can before I die. Embrace the chaos! Thrash the life out of life! Don’t mind me I’m still on the euphoric high from all the endorphins as my body is freaking out shaking madly. I’ll just say I played with passion.
I also lost *every* single game. G. K. Chesterton mentioned once something along the lines that it’s great to see someone who loves something enough to do it badly. Intensity is one of my trademarks… so is, loosing apparently… But, “ I’ll stop when I can’t lift my arms or pass out thanks.”
I was thinking about being in that “Zen” zone in workouts. People talk about machines that do whole body workouts, circuit training, options for aerobics classes in the newest fad… be it playing with big bouncy balls rolling around on the floor with them or pretending to be a ninja in kick boxing but what is the best workout? I think it just might be the one that you do and keep doing. It’s got to be the workout you enjoy and don’t see it as torment because you are less likely to do it again right? If you like to walk then walk, or bike, or what ever it is. Don’t freak out that someone someplace is more of a “fat burning machine” getting a “whole body workout” that is better than yours… because I figure the one you enjoy you will stick with and you maybe even might put in more than the 20 minutes a day three times a week mantra.
I think people need to come to terms with the fact they may never be a size 4 or a superhero. Others are not your measuring stick! You are improving you not making you someone else entirely. I may not be the next superhero fighting 5 criminals at once then leaping from rooftop to rooftop… but maybe someday I’m going to block a spike in volleyball. Well, I need to go pass out now.
At Foolsfitness we always check for minor flesh wounds and/or bleeding after our workouts.- Alan
Monday, November 2, 2009
10 Percent Off Alan and Favorite Post Celebration
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It’s official! This weeks -1.5 pound drop makes -34.5 pounds off ! THAT IS 10% OFF ME!!! Join in the sale because this fat must go! Buy a pound, get a pound free! My current special is 2 pounds I’ve had on my hip since High School thanks to Mac and Cheese! Yes folks, you will be seeing “less” of me!
How’d I do it? Well last week there was the pizza, fettuccini alfredo, Chinese food, oh and don’t forget the Halloween chocolate! I know, you're thinking have I've been inhaling too many fumes off my sweaty gym clothes… Seriously, it’s all about the developing Foolsfitness Philosophy of actively choosing by free will to be mindful of nutritional needs, aware of portions, the safe movement of the body, and taking the power of the plate. No fad diets, no 5 minute workout machines, no guilt, there are no good or bad magic foods, no weird supplements or drugs! The diet and fitness industries’ “common” sense… well, lets just say I think it’s time for some “Fools Fitness UNcommon Sense”!
Welcome to some new friends who have recently found my blog and so I would like to invite everyone to look around… take the tour, have a cookie! To all who read I hope you have a laugh, and join me on the adventure. Lets walk the journey together. Here is a few posts I have enjoyed writing that you may have missed or might want to check out or re-read.
My secret 5 minute workout machine can be found here:
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/04/hey-its-adult-sit-and-spin.html
My Amazing PEZ diet plan! I love PEZ candy and their dispensers!
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/03/amazing-pez-diet-plan.html
If you’ve followed my blog for very long you know my love for Chinese Food Buffets. I thought I’d write about how to eat more and more food: http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/10/professional-all-you-can-eat-guide-to.html
What Squirrels have taught me:
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/08/finding-acorns.html
I tripped over my own arrogance on the treadmill here
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/04/5-miles-and-wheres-my-buh-buh.html
And remember at Foolsfitness you too can loose weight quickly and easily by wearing lighter clothes!- Alan
It’s official! This weeks -1.5 pound drop makes -34.5 pounds off ! THAT IS 10% OFF ME!!! Join in the sale because this fat must go! Buy a pound, get a pound free! My current special is 2 pounds I’ve had on my hip since High School thanks to Mac and Cheese! Yes folks, you will be seeing “less” of me!
How’d I do it? Well last week there was the pizza, fettuccini alfredo, Chinese food, oh and don’t forget the Halloween chocolate! I know, you're thinking have I've been inhaling too many fumes off my sweaty gym clothes… Seriously, it’s all about the developing Foolsfitness Philosophy of actively choosing by free will to be mindful of nutritional needs, aware of portions, the safe movement of the body, and taking the power of the plate. No fad diets, no 5 minute workout machines, no guilt, there are no good or bad magic foods, no weird supplements or drugs! The diet and fitness industries’ “common” sense… well, lets just say I think it’s time for some “Fools Fitness UNcommon Sense”!
Welcome to some new friends who have recently found my blog and so I would like to invite everyone to look around… take the tour, have a cookie! To all who read I hope you have a laugh, and join me on the adventure. Lets walk the journey together. Here is a few posts I have enjoyed writing that you may have missed or might want to check out or re-read.
My secret 5 minute workout machine can be found here:
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/04/hey-its-adult-sit-and-spin.html
My Amazing PEZ diet plan! I love PEZ candy and their dispensers!
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/03/amazing-pez-diet-plan.html
If you’ve followed my blog for very long you know my love for Chinese Food Buffets. I thought I’d write about how to eat more and more food: http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/10/professional-all-you-can-eat-guide-to.html
What Squirrels have taught me:
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/08/finding-acorns.html
I tripped over my own arrogance on the treadmill here
http://foolsfitness.blogspot.com/2009/04/5-miles-and-wheres-my-buh-buh.html
And remember at Foolsfitness you too can loose weight quickly and easily by wearing lighter clothes!- Alan
Friday, October 30, 2009
Smurf Infestation on My Blog!
My Foolsfitness Gnome mascot came down with S1N1 (Smurf Flu) It makes him blue and he sings “LA la la la la la” over and over. I’m fumigating the Blog… clearing out Rabid Gerbil infestations and Rogue Zombies. I may need to guest post someplace while the blog airs out from the flea bomb.
I’ve got a bit of “housekeeping” to do. Thanks to Jo and ant girl I now have three more blog awards I need to post up. I want to say thanks but more than that, I want to keep the right to have them up… by continuing posts that earn their honor.
I’ve got to teach a class tonight and I’ve been busy with a funeral of a close friend. So forgive this unusual format and unpolished nature of this post.
The three awards for my blog have been given to me by Jo at http://282point5.blogspot.com and antgirl of http://mepschronicles.blogspot.com Thank you! I’ve been working on a “Foolsfitness Uncommon Sense Award” that I will be sharing on a limited basis from time to time to honor blogs and folks who have a special unique quality. Somehow the industry has “common sense” that pushes 5 minute workout machines, fad diets, and weird supplements or magic pills. Foolsfitness says if this is common sense of the experts… it’s time for some *Uncommon* sense. It will be *Coming Soon*. Keep on the lookout for an upcoming “Foolsfitness Uncommon Sense Award”
Foolsfitness doesn’t follow directions well or color within the lines. Some Blog awards have lots of rules, and we figure if it’s an award it’s free and it shouldn’t come with more work right? But I like Gorgeous Blog Award that suggests sharing six things people may not know about you, so here they are:
1) I’m a Certified Lay Speaker for the United Methodist Church and a Roman Catholic too. Just imagine Foolsfitness preaching in some church somewhere on some Sunday. Freaky? Funny? Cool? Frightening? You decide!
2) I have two degrees. However, I have known people who *didn’t* graduate high school that have far more wisdom than some piece of paper can ever claim you have.
3) I’ve done some work as an artist… I’ve sold a design meant for a business card that was the size of a stamp and I’ve also done a mural that was 15 feet long. I’ve sculpted, painted, drawn, and have done computer art. I’ve even made Rosaries. How’s that for artistic range!
4) I use to have two gerbils (they passed away) that actually had American Gerbil Society pedigree papers showing their lineage and purebred status. (Seriously…no joke)
5) I love to read and study. If I take interest in some odd topic I tend to become a zealot wanting to know as much as possible about it. For example, this has led me to know some of the history of PEZ candy and how to carbonate soda.
6) My goals include to become a personal trainer and work in a gym. I hope as a real guy who fights weight I will be able to relate better to real folks than all those “fit all of their life” jocks. I’d also like to bring some “Uncommon” sense into the fitness world. I’d also like to own a yellow FJ Cruiser sometime in my life and a small cabin with a farmers porch complete with rocking chairs in a sleepy little town.
At Foolsfitness we would like to endorse the greatest weight loss and fitness product ever! You all ready have it… look in the mirror. If you are really in it for you, if you have decided you are going to be in your corner for real, for being more, for being all in the journey, for being more healthy in a safe way with out all the gimmicks… You will see incredible results that is better than any magic pill, fad diet, or 5 minute workout machine. - Alan
I’ve got a bit of “housekeeping” to do. Thanks to Jo and ant girl I now have three more blog awards I need to post up. I want to say thanks but more than that, I want to keep the right to have them up… by continuing posts that earn their honor.
I’ve got to teach a class tonight and I’ve been busy with a funeral of a close friend. So forgive this unusual format and unpolished nature of this post.
The three awards for my blog have been given to me by Jo at http://282point5.blogspot.com and antgirl of http://mepschronicles.blogspot.com Thank you! I’ve been working on a “Foolsfitness Uncommon Sense Award” that I will be sharing on a limited basis from time to time to honor blogs and folks who have a special unique quality. Somehow the industry has “common sense” that pushes 5 minute workout machines, fad diets, and weird supplements or magic pills. Foolsfitness says if this is common sense of the experts… it’s time for some *Uncommon* sense. It will be *Coming Soon*. Keep on the lookout for an upcoming “Foolsfitness Uncommon Sense Award”
Foolsfitness doesn’t follow directions well or color within the lines. Some Blog awards have lots of rules, and we figure if it’s an award it’s free and it shouldn’t come with more work right? But I like Gorgeous Blog Award that suggests sharing six things people may not know about you, so here they are:
1) I’m a Certified Lay Speaker for the United Methodist Church and a Roman Catholic too. Just imagine Foolsfitness preaching in some church somewhere on some Sunday. Freaky? Funny? Cool? Frightening? You decide!
2) I have two degrees. However, I have known people who *didn’t* graduate high school that have far more wisdom than some piece of paper can ever claim you have.
3) I’ve done some work as an artist… I’ve sold a design meant for a business card that was the size of a stamp and I’ve also done a mural that was 15 feet long. I’ve sculpted, painted, drawn, and have done computer art. I’ve even made Rosaries. How’s that for artistic range!
4) I use to have two gerbils (they passed away) that actually had American Gerbil Society pedigree papers showing their lineage and purebred status. (Seriously…no joke)
5) I love to read and study. If I take interest in some odd topic I tend to become a zealot wanting to know as much as possible about it. For example, this has led me to know some of the history of PEZ candy and how to carbonate soda.
6) My goals include to become a personal trainer and work in a gym. I hope as a real guy who fights weight I will be able to relate better to real folks than all those “fit all of their life” jocks. I’d also like to bring some “Uncommon” sense into the fitness world. I’d also like to own a yellow FJ Cruiser sometime in my life and a small cabin with a farmers porch complete with rocking chairs in a sleepy little town.
At Foolsfitness we would like to endorse the greatest weight loss and fitness product ever! You all ready have it… look in the mirror. If you are really in it for you, if you have decided you are going to be in your corner for real, for being more, for being all in the journey, for being more healthy in a safe way with out all the gimmicks… You will see incredible results that is better than any magic pill, fad diet, or 5 minute workout machine. - Alan
Monday, October 26, 2009
My Cereal Talks to Me and I fired a guy today
I had to fire one of my staff today. I gathered the boys, my trusted council, at the normal place… the little dog guards the door ready to tell us to run for the boarder if trouble comes. The crazy guy in the toga watches him checking in everybody… he always picks the same passwords, “Pizza pizza” Like I said he’s got some kind of brain damage. I think his grandfather was in the war.
I look around me at my booth. It looks like every one is here, Pig tails, the clown, King, That Chinese General, and Pappy Gino. My other guys too, plus my new enforcer Foolsfitness. Excuses opens up the meeting, “The Big Boss is looking at the numbers, He don’t like the returns. But I know you all did your best, we had some trouble with some situations last week. ”
The clown slams a red gloved hand on the table… “Do you know how many guys I’ve lost here? Let’s just say the numbers are supersized. For what gains? Then Foolsfitness starts making waves with our friends that we have alliances with. Clean plate club ain’t happy. You’re breaking Bubbles heart… she say you don’t want her normal soda first and now don’t even drink a lot of the stuff without the sugar in it. You don‘t like her or Candy now? Come on boss, Candy is sweet. She‘s got wonderful bars.”
Pappy Gino looks at the cup of tea in front of him and shrugs his shoulders, “Yeah, what’s with this stuff eh? Foolsfitness thinks he can walk in here and tell my boys not to do their rounds with the car? How it’s a good day for a bike ride or enjoy some fresh air. I’ll give you some fresh air, right here you little freaky looking Richard Simmons clone!” He starts to reach for a doughy breadstick.
A odd looking guy takes off a cheap tin crown and tosses it to the table. “You can’t expect me to keep things going easy for you this way. You know to keep things nice and safe, status quo level…. If I can’t keep getting burgers for my boys. They get fed and they expand the nice safe secure place here. They build the walls around us real good. Think of the castle here. Who knows what’s out there. Think of poor red pigtails, she‘s a frightened little one. We got to play it nice and safe and protect ourselves.”
“A wall barrier defense system is a sound military stragity that has worked for ages.“ A old man’s voice trembles as he rises leaning heavily on his cane, “The walls have protected us so far.”
Excuses looks sad looking around, a tear coming to his eye and he raises his hands in confusion. Before he speaks Foolsfitness literally shoves him down back in his chair. ”So you want advice from a guy who wears big red shoes and too much mascara, Some guy who thinks he’s a king… of sandwiches? A bright red haired little girl with pigtails? The only guys I think I really like here at all are the one who thinks he’s Mark Twain… at least he’s got an excuse of being older than dirt and General what’s his name from China. What if the threat isn‘t really out there. ”
A few people look around and take a hopeful sigh… but the Chinese general bows to Foolsfitness and says, ”Ah… Until you master your fear, fear will be your master.” Pappy Gino shakes his head and reaches for the bowl of fortune cookies near the General and hurls them across the room.
Foolsfitness holds up a hand. “What if the enemy is within? Is this your journal Excuses? Why haven’t you spent more time getting us to meetings when you see these chances that we could take over so many territories? Time after time you just give in? Give up? What?”
“I thought it was risky. Everyone likes it when I play it safe! No one gets hurt that way. “
“Look at these pictures.” Foolsfitness lays then out on the table for all to see. Picture after picture of what’s outside the walls. Some of the possibilities are amazing enough to literally numb the mind.
“You are getting hopes up. None of those are a given.” Excuses flails at the pictures angrily, “Do you have any idea how many resources we’d have to deploy to even think about taking over some of those territories!? You’re insane. You‘re the new guy… you ain‘t even proven yourself. You can‘t promise nothing!”
“Here’s 33 pounds of proof. It would have been a full 10 percent take off, but Boss, you see that Excuses has been skimming the take.” Foolsfitness plops down a huge bag of lard. “Trust me boss, you take this and get off some more then offer alliances to those people in the other territories and you’ll laugh at what some group like the clean plate club offers in comparison.”
The boss seems preoccupied looking at the surveillance photos and artist rendition possibilities pictures… he studies two closely and puts them in his coat pocket. “Foolsfitness take Excuses’ position at the table for a trial period and lets see what you can really do if I give you a few guys, take that psycho chuahua dog and the crazy kid in the toga and go shake some of these places down.”
***The END?… *** of course not! I want to talk to you about my cereal, it says: “Some settling may occur, sold by weight not by volume.” Someone wrote in their blog the other day that they were no longer the biggest person in the room. I’m almost certain I WILL ALWAYS BE the biggest person in the room. I don’t want to settle or be sold by weight…. I may drop some weight but my ego is huge… I will always be the biggest person in the room. I want to be sold by the weight and volume of my ego.
Take that you League of Extra Ordinary Fat Man! I’m coming, and I gots me a few guys. The new kid in town is hungry and moving in on your territories.
At Foolsfitness it’s a hoot being us… it‘s a bit like living in a comic book- Alan “the Big Boss”
I look around me at my booth. It looks like every one is here, Pig tails, the clown, King, That Chinese General, and Pappy Gino. My other guys too, plus my new enforcer Foolsfitness. Excuses opens up the meeting, “The Big Boss is looking at the numbers, He don’t like the returns. But I know you all did your best, we had some trouble with some situations last week. ”
The clown slams a red gloved hand on the table… “Do you know how many guys I’ve lost here? Let’s just say the numbers are supersized. For what gains? Then Foolsfitness starts making waves with our friends that we have alliances with. Clean plate club ain’t happy. You’re breaking Bubbles heart… she say you don’t want her normal soda first and now don’t even drink a lot of the stuff without the sugar in it. You don‘t like her or Candy now? Come on boss, Candy is sweet. She‘s got wonderful bars.”
Pappy Gino looks at the cup of tea in front of him and shrugs his shoulders, “Yeah, what’s with this stuff eh? Foolsfitness thinks he can walk in here and tell my boys not to do their rounds with the car? How it’s a good day for a bike ride or enjoy some fresh air. I’ll give you some fresh air, right here you little freaky looking Richard Simmons clone!” He starts to reach for a doughy breadstick.
A odd looking guy takes off a cheap tin crown and tosses it to the table. “You can’t expect me to keep things going easy for you this way. You know to keep things nice and safe, status quo level…. If I can’t keep getting burgers for my boys. They get fed and they expand the nice safe secure place here. They build the walls around us real good. Think of the castle here. Who knows what’s out there. Think of poor red pigtails, she‘s a frightened little one. We got to play it nice and safe and protect ourselves.”
“A wall barrier defense system is a sound military stragity that has worked for ages.“ A old man’s voice trembles as he rises leaning heavily on his cane, “The walls have protected us so far.”
Excuses looks sad looking around, a tear coming to his eye and he raises his hands in confusion. Before he speaks Foolsfitness literally shoves him down back in his chair. ”So you want advice from a guy who wears big red shoes and too much mascara, Some guy who thinks he’s a king… of sandwiches? A bright red haired little girl with pigtails? The only guys I think I really like here at all are the one who thinks he’s Mark Twain… at least he’s got an excuse of being older than dirt and General what’s his name from China. What if the threat isn‘t really out there. ”
A few people look around and take a hopeful sigh… but the Chinese general bows to Foolsfitness and says, ”Ah… Until you master your fear, fear will be your master.” Pappy Gino shakes his head and reaches for the bowl of fortune cookies near the General and hurls them across the room.
Foolsfitness holds up a hand. “What if the enemy is within? Is this your journal Excuses? Why haven’t you spent more time getting us to meetings when you see these chances that we could take over so many territories? Time after time you just give in? Give up? What?”
“I thought it was risky. Everyone likes it when I play it safe! No one gets hurt that way. “
“Look at these pictures.” Foolsfitness lays then out on the table for all to see. Picture after picture of what’s outside the walls. Some of the possibilities are amazing enough to literally numb the mind.
“You are getting hopes up. None of those are a given.” Excuses flails at the pictures angrily, “Do you have any idea how many resources we’d have to deploy to even think about taking over some of those territories!? You’re insane. You‘re the new guy… you ain‘t even proven yourself. You can‘t promise nothing!”
“Here’s 33 pounds of proof. It would have been a full 10 percent take off, but Boss, you see that Excuses has been skimming the take.” Foolsfitness plops down a huge bag of lard. “Trust me boss, you take this and get off some more then offer alliances to those people in the other territories and you’ll laugh at what some group like the clean plate club offers in comparison.”
The boss seems preoccupied looking at the surveillance photos and artist rendition possibilities pictures… he studies two closely and puts them in his coat pocket. “Foolsfitness take Excuses’ position at the table for a trial period and lets see what you can really do if I give you a few guys, take that psycho chuahua dog and the crazy kid in the toga and go shake some of these places down.”
***The END?… *** of course not! I want to talk to you about my cereal, it says: “Some settling may occur, sold by weight not by volume.” Someone wrote in their blog the other day that they were no longer the biggest person in the room. I’m almost certain I WILL ALWAYS BE the biggest person in the room. I don’t want to settle or be sold by weight…. I may drop some weight but my ego is huge… I will always be the biggest person in the room. I want to be sold by the weight and volume of my ego.
Take that you League of Extra Ordinary Fat Man! I’m coming, and I gots me a few guys. The new kid in town is hungry and moving in on your territories.
At Foolsfitness it’s a hoot being us… it‘s a bit like living in a comic book- Alan “the Big Boss”
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
NO Diet! The MORE IS BETTER Fools Fitness Plan
What if “more” really is seriously better!!! I know your thinking I’m trying to trick you, but the Foolsfitness philosophy is growing to become that “more” is actually better. I’m slowly discarding the loosing weight and diet idea…. And I honestly think you should too. Please consider reading on.
I just bought a DVD pack of 23 hours of Kung Fu for five dollars. Americans want more. Bigger houses, bigger cars, and more stuff. We collect so much stuff we need to make space to store the stuff. Companies actually make money storing other peoples stuff. I have a warehouse membership card to a superstore supermarket where I can buy 2 gallon containers of salsa. We thrive on more is better!!! We even have credit cards so we can live on tomorrow’s “more” right now today!
Here it is folks. The idea of loosing weight and a diet, I honestly think are wrong. In fact I don’t think they are really healthy concepts at all. It’s taken me a while to reach this and it does sound bizarre but hear me out here… I do actually in real life have two degrees. MORE IS BETTER. The straight of it is your actually having a whole lot less than you should be healthy having! How’s that for “Un”common sense?
We who are overweight are honestly having so much less than we should consume… THAT’S the problem. Diets are the problem. Loosing weight is the problem. Really! They are flawed concepts that go against our nature.
So here it is. What’s the first three letters in DIET? Yup. When you think diet you think about all the things you need to sacrifice and things you need to give up. What if we are already on a diet now and don’t even know it? What we are currently sacrificing is our physical health. We are giving up leading full lives. We are fasting from the total of what life has to offer! A diet is negative. I want a LIVIT I have no interest in loosing weight, again that’s the idea of negative. I’m trying to *GAIN* freedom to run up 3 flights of stairs, have normal and healthy days, with a normal and healthy job, and maybe… just maybe… even a normal and healthy relationship with someone somewhere where ever they are. Wouldn’t it be awesome if thirty years from now I’m sitting on some farmers porch in a rocking chair next to that woman. I don’t want to die-it I want to Live-it. It's not anything about less... I have the less now!!! I want more!
Most of us like a good deal… sales rock, because getting value rocks. We know it! Foolsfitness is hoping very soon to have his 10 percent off sales celebration. That 34 pounds is in sight. That isn’t a loss, it’s really a huge gain! When that sale hits it’s going to be wild… but Crazy AL’s discount days may slash off even more. It’s going to be a deal that someone special if I can find her and convince her… she hopefully won’t be able to pass it up. It just might be the deal of a lifetime!
Foolsfitness reminds you that “life” itself is the buffet table. It’s all you can eat… don’t just settle for the breadsticks and ice water at your table. Get up and check it out!!! Forget the “diet“ and get a “Live-it“ More is Better Foolsfitness plan!!! Have your own sale too because value rocks! - Alan
I just bought a DVD pack of 23 hours of Kung Fu for five dollars. Americans want more. Bigger houses, bigger cars, and more stuff. We collect so much stuff we need to make space to store the stuff. Companies actually make money storing other peoples stuff. I have a warehouse membership card to a superstore supermarket where I can buy 2 gallon containers of salsa. We thrive on more is better!!! We even have credit cards so we can live on tomorrow’s “more” right now today!
Here it is folks. The idea of loosing weight and a diet, I honestly think are wrong. In fact I don’t think they are really healthy concepts at all. It’s taken me a while to reach this and it does sound bizarre but hear me out here… I do actually in real life have two degrees. MORE IS BETTER. The straight of it is your actually having a whole lot less than you should be healthy having! How’s that for “Un”common sense?
We who are overweight are honestly having so much less than we should consume… THAT’S the problem. Diets are the problem. Loosing weight is the problem. Really! They are flawed concepts that go against our nature.
So here it is. What’s the first three letters in DIET? Yup. When you think diet you think about all the things you need to sacrifice and things you need to give up. What if we are already on a diet now and don’t even know it? What we are currently sacrificing is our physical health. We are giving up leading full lives. We are fasting from the total of what life has to offer! A diet is negative. I want a LIVIT I have no interest in loosing weight, again that’s the idea of negative. I’m trying to *GAIN* freedom to run up 3 flights of stairs, have normal and healthy days, with a normal and healthy job, and maybe… just maybe… even a normal and healthy relationship with someone somewhere where ever they are. Wouldn’t it be awesome if thirty years from now I’m sitting on some farmers porch in a rocking chair next to that woman. I don’t want to die-it I want to Live-it. It's not anything about less... I have the less now!!! I want more!
Most of us like a good deal… sales rock, because getting value rocks. We know it! Foolsfitness is hoping very soon to have his 10 percent off sales celebration. That 34 pounds is in sight. That isn’t a loss, it’s really a huge gain! When that sale hits it’s going to be wild… but Crazy AL’s discount days may slash off even more. It’s going to be a deal that someone special if I can find her and convince her… she hopefully won’t be able to pass it up. It just might be the deal of a lifetime!
Foolsfitness reminds you that “life” itself is the buffet table. It’s all you can eat… don’t just settle for the breadsticks and ice water at your table. Get up and check it out!!! Forget the “diet“ and get a “Live-it“ More is Better Foolsfitness plan!!! Have your own sale too because value rocks! - Alan
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