Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Professional All You Can Eat Guide to Buffets

I’m sitting at the Chinese Food Buffet restaurant this morning waiting for it to open (Yeah, I have issues) and I thought I should create a small guide for you non-professionals…
1) Bring your own dishes. You can get far larger plates and bowls from home. This saves on trips up to the buffet line so you can save all your strength for eating.
2) Check to see if they have a membership. It’s like gym fees, just pay by the month… again saving crucial time so you can focus more on the gooey and fried goodness. Personally, they have just given me a key so I can go in for midnight snacks as well. This option is usually not on the *basic* Chinese food buffet membership.
3) Keep eating. At one point they will bring you a check, but don’t stop. They will eventually try to make you a deal that if you leave they will call it even so you *don’t have to pay at all* as they get frightened over your crab consumption costs. Personally I am a professional, I keep eating beyond that and can get to the final stage of being there for half a day and usually at that point they will actually PAY YOU a small amount to leave. At this level you earn high respect as an “Alpha” eater, they will no longer look you in the directly in the eye for long. It’s a little known martial art. The ancient eating masters actually have custom black belts that can be loosened during or after large meals.
4) Go early to get the best seating. Moreover you can usually ask them *as they set up* to just bring you the whole tray of crab ragoons and chicken teriyaki they bring out directly to your table… it’s so much easier.
Yup, you guessed it. I did a Chinese Food Buffet today. I actually fought the urge for a few days and technically the “enjoy food day” I set up once a month I could use for this. As I said I don’t like the term “cheat day” or “bad” food. That still gives food some power over you. However I am struggling with the choice. I feel it wasn’t made under complete Zen. Chinese Food still is my kryptonite. I want to reach the day where I can go in and just eat a decent proportioned plate and draw the line. Maybe some of you have justified a second plate with, “I should get my money’s worth” or something like “well I don’t eat this kind of stuff at home” or “that looks interesting, I just try that. (and that and that and that)”
I have an excuse. (Isn’t it great to have excuses and that way you need to take absolutely no responsibility for anything you eat!) I got frightened. I went into to the supermarket yesterday and started an exploratory mission into the fresh fruit and vegetable aisle. I clutched my frozen pizza close to my side moving slowly forward seeing all strange and usual things in bright colors and unusual shapes. A strange aroma was in the air. I shuttered wondering what manner of creation is this as I picked up a small brightly green colored spherical object about the size of a softball in my hand. Fearing I would loose my way I retraced my steps quickly back to the chip and soda aisle… that is another adventure story for another blog entry, in time after a more advanced exploration mission. I need to go in there properly equipped with soda and cookies to sustain me.
At Foolsfitness we count pickles as our main vegetable.- Alan


  1. Don't be skurred. They're good for ya!
    I think they're called apples?

    I can't go near Chinese Buffets ... no way.

  2. Chinese Buffetts.

    As comfortable and inviting as an old shoe.

    I eventually got to the point when I wouldn't got to one, because I would only completely binge, and I couldn't do that, by myself, in front of any other people, even just the wait staff.

    Anyway, your voyage back to the chinese buffett as part of your "enjoy food day" works for you if it works, bottom line, right?

    If the positives outweighed the negatives and it doesn't cause any long or short term harm, then it works for you, and thats all we can do is find the plan for us.

    As for the produce section, clutch those frozen pizzas tight, then throw them, ninja star style, at anyone who tries to get in your way of buing some quality salad fixins.

  3. I would be dead at one ... then i'd feel horribly sick. These days, I just avoid such situations at all costs.

    I hate that one of my grocers has licorice in the produce section. WTF?

  4. loved that guide.

    chinese food is my kryptonite. it really is. oh the excuses i would make... it still gets me every time. i don't think i will be going to a chinese buffet any time soon.

  5. I love Chinese and Japanese favorite kind of food. I over-do it when I go to restaurants too. So, I've started cooking Asian food at home. I can look up healthy ways to cook it online and still make it authentic tasting. It's really fun, and sometimes it tastes better than the restaurant stuff. Maybe you could start off making your own egg rolls or try stir frying. These two things are pretty easy to make and it will satisfy your craving too. Also, instead of buffeting...order a main dish and take it home. Try Moo Shu chicken...(it has lots of veggies) and will certainly satisfy. So far, this is one of the only things I've figured out for myself. I hope this helps in some way for're doing better than I am. :) lol

  6. Thanks for such a sweet comment Alan. :) I forgot to add...and you may know this already...but, just in case you didn't I'll tell you anyway, most of those chinese buffet foods contain a lot of MSG (monosodium glutamate) and a whole lot of high-fructose corn syrup. Both of these chemicals cause overeating. MSG heightens flavor, messing with brain receptors, and high fructose corn syrup does similar things. These chemicals make it hard not to overeat at a chinese buffet. Now, I have been to two authentic chinese restaurants and was able to put down the it's not a bad thing to ask around if you'd like to find chemical free Chinese food. You may be able to have your cake and eat it too ( :)

  7. Mmm, Chinese buffets! I almost turned into a crab rangoon while I was pregnant because I ate so much of it. I still hit the Chinese buffets once per month or so now, but I talk myself into believeing it's healthy: I get a plate full of veggies, have a little lo mein, and enjoy some chicken. Protein, carbs, veggies = healthy meal, right? My latest obsession is the Indian buffet up the street. Yum. I get so tempted to get carry out on my way home from night school, too.

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