Monday, November 23, 2009

Being an Evil Mastermind is Hard

I think we can learn from evil masterminds as they want to take over the world, we want to take over the world of our own personal bodies. Did you ever notice the evil mastermind in how they are genius, yet at the same time have no wisdom? They usually have this incredibly complex and creative plan for world domination which if you plan to take over the world you, I assume, should have.
Yet I think their flaw is in continued focus. Once the great plan is enacted, they go back to their favorite hobbies. What are evil mastermind’s favorite hobbies you ask? I think they have two.
The first is laughing manically. I’m wondering if the being evil thing is getting a bad wrap. Most of the bad guys, now I’m not taking of the run of the mill thugs but the costume wearing thug employers who are card carrying members of the “Union of Anti-Superheroes” here, are very jovial guys. They have taken private lessons from Santa Claus when they were children on how to laugh from the belly and not just giggle like the common man. They may have some kind of certificate of completion in laughology, I’m not certain. I know I laugh well... but I'm a natural.
Their second favorite hobby has to be a two-fold hobby. They need to come up with some very cool super weapon including a very cool name for it… Personally I’ve been working on a name for my own… how does “The Buelizer Ray” sound? Sorry, I digress… Then they need to capture a superhero, and being a good nemesis they should threaten him, tell him the complete plan and how it will decimate the universe in general. … (capturing the heroes girlfriend is optional, in spite of that common belief… see the manual under “Proper Procedures of World Domination Plans” ) Then they go back to laughing and have some tea.
As I mentioned their flaw is in lack of continued focus… they go have tea, some laughing and forget to monitor the plan. There is a need to watch the superheroes more so they don’t get loose and mess everything up that was so hard to put in motion! You may know where I’m running with this.
Last Friday I check in a weight of 303.5 for another loss! About 3 pounds off since last time. Over the weekend, you see, being evil I needed to reach my maniacal laughing quota… and naturally forgot to keep an eye on the plan, by grazing mindlessly on brownies and late night goodies. I might tell you that Monday’s weight was up *severely* but I won’t post it because I am evil after all…My normal Monday weigh in number I choose to ignore because being evil I’m not limited by the restraints of reality… at least for a while. Never the less, if I keep laughing manically for much longer… lets just say I’m losing henchmen even now while I continue to not pay attention. They are currently disarming the Buelizer Ray even now while I’m having this here donut and cinnamon roll with my tea.
Being a super villain is hard. I need to remember to pay attention most all the time. Maybe we all do? Plus even in the bad economy do you have any idea how much the rent is on a good evil head quarters? When will I ever learn that I get too confident, drop the ball, and then try to eat all those plates of food at the “All You Can Eat Evil Buffet“? But it’s not my fault! I got distracted by my new cape… I love how it billows around me as I walk menacingly about and it’s so soft at 80 percent cotton/20 percent silk too!
At Foolsfitness our world domination schemes have been foiled again, but just wait until next time!!! Oh, wait Thursday is Thanksgiving and with all that yummy stuffing… well just wait until the time after next time! Muhuhahahaha! -Alan


  1. My hubby and I call that the james bond syndrome...or 'how to be needlessly complex to ensure complete and utter destruction of the original plan'.
    They can't ever just shoot somebody.
    So here I am alan, sayin'
    I like to follow the advice I got from the good, the bad and the ugly...
    I believe the ugly whose name I forget..once said
    "If youre going to shoot, shoot...don't talk".
    We here at the deliberate life, like to shoot first, talk after...;o)

  2. I believe there might be Evil Genius Anonymous -- once you join and embrace the goodness you will no longer be an Evil Genius - just a Genius. Yes I remember those days - if I don't post my gain it doesn't exist - correct? Its taken a lot of time and effort to realize the only Superhuman you are out to destroy is yourself - talk about a double edge sword (forget rays).

    You are so close to getting under 300 - ignore the brownies you can do this!!

  3. that cape sounds awesome i want one...



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