Monday, November 16, 2009

Finding an Alien Pod

Log entry 21...The approximately 5 pound specimen currently resides in my ice box as I am unaware what action to take next. Oh that I had the wherewithal to show this abomination to the authorities, yet my fear unhinges me that I would be placed in protective custody in a ward for those whom have touched minds. As to the exact manner of this creature I am perplexed… even perhaps to some hallucination. Had I not have my wits about me I would take to fancy, considering the possibility that I may have a dragon egg in my presence.
Perhaps it would be best to begin with details of my expedition of this tangled tale into the uncharted land named by the natives as Aisle One. Myself and my companion had geared up for the journey well, my cigarette case was full with PEZ. Each pouch in the vest of my well made traveling garb sported two candy bars. I held a frozen pizza as a shield cautiously before me… my colleague bore two gallons of sweetened ice tea and was the best sort of company by merely offering escort into this vast unknown Yet my escorts stomach quickly soured, hindered by little scruples of conscience and alas... I was left to fend for mine own self.
Upon rounding a corner mine eye’s were blinded by a plethora of colors far surpassing a fancy dress ball, it‘s ostentation overwhelmed my being and was only dwarfed by the assault on my olfactory senses. Keeping ceremony to a minimum, treading lightly and fast of foot I pressed on to procure a sample of one of these alien pods. Hark! Looking down I noticed already some man of science had labeled this thing “Spaghetti Squash 0394” with a small round tag affixed underneath.
It is not courteous nor well to prejudice others by my writings that indicate the utmost correlation of the inseparable duo of vegetables and the utter lack of well being of the spirit. If I am to be a fine figure of a gentleman, well bred, one of education and good taste, even the epitome of propriety and good manners… I would have to experience world travel including Aisle One, including its fruits and vegetables.
I have since expanded my horizons with this world cuisine…. *AHEM… YUP, I ATE A VEGETABLE!* I admit to paying a ode to Verne and H. G. Wells. I adore classic literature. I don’t however adore vegetables… to the point I think I can coun’t my vegetable choices for the last month on a single hand, but who knows, in time that may change.
I started a few days back with a can of spinach. It was a riot as it had apparently sat in my pantry for a while. It was expired about 2 years back in 2007. I ate it anyway, because I am the fool in fools fitness. I’ve got a new tea pot and have been “drinking heavily” with it. I got fixated on an ice cream kick for a bit but today I weighed at 306.5 for a -7.5 pound drop! It’s been a bit chaotic for the last month or so but this is the lowest recorded point in the blog! I’m not sure if the wild shifts are water or clothes, I’m sure there has been some stress eating in the past too but -36.5 pounds off since the start… I like that. I like that a lot. I just want to say it a couple more times and relish in it -36 pounds gone! -36 pounds weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Did Foolsfitness mention 36.5 pounds is gone? That number again is thirty six and one half pounds!-Alan


  1. Weeee indeed! Congratulations. A fine accomplishment!

    PS: Spaghetti squash is yummy!

  2. Take the pod...cut it in in oven and bake. Then scrape out with a fork....consistancy should be that of spaghetti...but don't let it fool you. They are alien tentacles which attach to the inner lining of your stomach and create a small biosphere in which they multiply, grow and then one day...when it comes in contact with another piece of vegetation...travels through the bloodstream to spore off your back and create the most dreaded of all fitness gurus.
    The jillian.

    You slay me alan.

  3. An expedition into uncharted land... Aisle One... an alien pod!! What is in that tea you've been drinking!??!! This is just too too funny... I am cracking up here.

    If I can stop laughing long enough to offer something coherent... do yourself a favor and NEVER eat a veggie from a can. That's not the way to entice a taste bud! Even frozen is okay... like the frozen spinach, lightly cooked with a touch of butter or ButterBuds, a teeny bit of salt, pepper, and nutmeg. You might like it that way... who knows, stranger things have happened.
    PS: the enzymes in the spinach will neutralize the spores from the alien pod, so that the "the jillian" will actually mutate into "the bob". Just thought you might want to know...

  4. OH! I also meant to say CONGRATS on the fantastic job with the 7.5 drop!

  5. lol good job on the veggies! Great job on the loss! :)

  6. ROTFL!! You are too funny. And cmoursler was funny too! Yeah, I agree with the NOT eat canned veggies if you don't have to...especiall spinach..yuck! If you are going to eat spinach, go with fresh. Get some whole wheat flour tortillas. If you can eat mushrooms, get some of those too. Pick out a really yummy cheese that you like...along with a couple of tablespoons of tomato sauce (such as Classico tomato basil sauce b/c it's low in sugar and yummy). Now, make a pizza using these ingredients...bake for about 10 min. in a 350 degree oven and you'll have eaten a big serving of veggies, and it's a meal that takes hardly any time at all to make. You can do this with many different toppings and many different veggies...try it! Also whole wheat english muffins do well for pizzas too. Ya just gotta eat the veggies in a yummy way! Also, let me know how the spaghetti squash tastes...I have yet to try one of those although I hear they are awesome. Don't be afraid to google recipes for veggies. :)

  7. LOL Love that you call it an alien pod. Woooot, on your loss, Alan!

    You might find you like veggies better if they are not expired with the potential to give you botulism. :) I just read a book where a whole family died from eating bad canned beans.

  8. Alan - funny post. :) CONGRATS on your loss! You are really doing GREAT!

    - Lisa

  9. Love your writing. And thank you for the comment. You're absolutely right. HE never goes away. Always appreciated my friend.

    My best,

  10. Thanks for visiting my blog on portion control. I loved the experiment with the 8 oz and the big mug. I'm going to try it.

    I made a spaghetti squash on Sunday. Cmoursler's directions were exactly how I did it too. I combined it with some sauteed mushrooms and a little pasta sauce. Very filling and delicious.

    36 pounds! Wow ... that's impressive.

  11. Just found your blog today - CONGRATS on the 36 pounds gone - fabulous. So did you buy the squash?? Inquiring minds need to know. At least you aren't my brother the strict vegetarian that hates vegetables and hmmm he is overweight - still haven't figured that out.

    Looking forward to watching you go onward and downward - come visit sometime.

  12. well thats progress on the vegetable front alan! though maybe some fresher veg might be a lot safer, wouldn't want anything to happen to you. I just decided that I like carrots today...

    woot on the loss my friend. great numbers. very happy for you indeed. <3


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