Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Hey, Its an Adult “Sit and Spin!”

I’m sitting in front of a tv the other night and I see the “latest” in magic machine gadgets that you will get a perfect body on in just a few minutes a day (and some “easy” payments?) The Super Duper Secret Special Key is sort of a “Sit and Spin” for adults that will get either a model’s tiny tummy or Amazon Joe’s massive six pack abs.

I love those late night infomercials. Everyone is just so happy because this will now give them “The Super Duper Secret Special Key” and make their shallow existence a whole and vibrant life of passion, excitement, adventure, and fulfillment of joy and peace will finally be reality! I seem to always look at those universal wonder fitness machines and think it’s a cross between some modern art sculpture and a medieval torture device.

OK the fools fitness needs to get on the gadget bandwagon. First consult a doctor before entering in on any fitness plan, exercise within your limitations, and wear a DOT approved helmet, knee and elbow pads, shin guards… As needed supportive hosiery, arch supported footwear, snorkeling and or scuba equipment. Eye protection is a must!

Purchase 1 pad of yellow legal sized paper. Take a sheet, crumple it up and throw it as far away from you as you can… now go pick it up and put it in the trash, repeat twenty times. Feel the burn of that aerobic activity that is working *ALL* the major muscle groups in your whole body! Wow! Now take a paper and write a note to a pal (pencil or pen sold separately) inviting them to go out with you for a walk, to the park, gym, pool, or a bicycle ride. Now clutch the pad firmly but comfortably between your hands and curl it up to your chest and over your head for three sets of 8-12 reps… don’t forget to breathe! (Why do they say that in aerobics? You won’t forget to breathe for long.) Ok, shake out those muscles… now take that pad of paper and write down your weight and everything you eat today and for a week… Add up the calories and fats, proteins, carbohydrates and compare it to the FDA food pyramid . Now after a week weigh yourself again and write that down. You can also use this amazing fitness tool to write out healthy food shopping lists, things to do in workouts, keep track of body measurements, and more!!! Order your pad of legal sized yellow paper now.

Lifting a piece of paper is a workout in fools fitness!- Alan


  1. Sad but true, I googled for that machine until I found it. An adult Sit and Spin sounded like too much fun. Wheeeeee........

  2. Is it wrong that I want one...? Check out what else I found...! You can get one made.

  3. I always wanted a sit-and-spin as a child. Maybe I should get one of the adult ones. lol

    Great, funny post. :)

  4. Hilarious! Im still laughing at the whole, "You wont forget to breathe for long!" Hysterical!

    Sit and spin made my mind go in a totally different direction...

  5. I think an adult sit and spin sounds kinda fun.

    (And I'm glad I read Monica's comment so I know I'm not that only one who went in gutter when they read that.)

  6. lol @ medieval torture machine! I really enjoyed this post, mister. They do always say don't forget to breathe... who's going to forget that? *shakes head*

  7. I love looking at those infomercials, Alan! They just suck me in and I’m mesmerized. I keep telling myself to change the channel but I’m immobilized. LOL A couple of months after I first see an infomercial I’ll usually find the same cheaply-made gadgets at lots of garage sales and I’m so glad I didn’t get suckered in. Loved your funny, common sense suggestion but I’m afraid it makes too much sense to find an infomercial audience in search of a quick, no hassle fix. Maybe if you cheapen it up and add something with sparkly plastic that whirls… ;-)

    Just wanted to tell you, Alan, that I really appreciate the kind, caring comment you left on my blog. I responded to you there with an explanation about why I needed to choose a low-cal diet to help a serious health condition I'm battling.


  8. That's a serious pad of paper you're selling. LOL Great post. A sit and spin has the added benefit of making us sick so that we don't want to eat.

  9. Thanks for the nice comment left on my blog especially the part about the work stress! Just noticed your in NH--I grew up there and family still lives in Concord.
    Keep fighting the good fight, and right, dont forget to breathe!! :-D

  10. Too funny and totally true!

  11. I want a Sit N Spin!

    I saw something called an Ab Rocket and I think that looks too easy.

    Thank you for the comment on my blog :)

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  13. Oooh, you’re such an inspiration. I love this blog


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