Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Ronald McDonald, the Anti-Christ?

I love a good conspiracy theory and those “Weekly World News” papers that claim things like government cover-ups of the existence of flying pigs in small towns. I have been working on my own theories as to whom Ronald McDonald really is. First you’ve got a clown that likes lots of red… the color of the devil. Next, what has he got to hide with all that make-up? And the baggy clothes would be a perfect cover to conceal a forked tail!

Look at McDonalds in general. Their ads have moved from “we love to see you smile,” to Just “smile” a subtle order? The “Happy Meals”… so do we buy them to be happy? Are they the dispensers of our joy? Even the old campaign ads…”You deserve a break today” Well who are they to give me permission to take a break or not? You’ve got the Golden Arches M. Gold is the universal currency, and the M… just think how the curve like symbolic mammary representing a mother who will take care of us. You might call them fast food restaurants, but if you wanted to take over the world wouldn’t they serve as strategically placed bases in so many countries?

Back to Ronald (If that is his “real” name). He motions with is hands and magic happens. Where does that power come from? Look at the group he hangs out with. The Hamburglar obviously shows his links to organized crime. What is Grimmace anyway. Is he a genetically engineered massively strong and complacent super soldier? Tell me those fry guys don’t freak you out. Is not a stretch to think of demonic entities there?

If you’re not a believer I just have two words for you…”Special Sauce”. Don’t get me started on that! No, I would not like fries with that! No I do not want to be super sized, unless it involves muscles.

Is food really the enemy? One of the Overeaters Anonymous things is “We admitted we were powerless over food…” Really? I have yet to see a cupcake sneak up behind anyone and mug them in a dark alley. Nor have I heard of some super villain candy bar using a mind control device which emits psychic waves that can only be blocked by a strip of tin foil in the sweatband of your hat. Food just “is“… It doesn’t have will, it is not good or bad, it is just a thing. Marketers do everything they can to convince us to buy it. Yet so far I have not been force fed cookies. Now if your talking about how the food is genetically altered and chemically enhanced to make us addicted and complacent so we will pose no threat to the established order… well, that’s a theory for another time.

Tomorrow I’m considering if I want to make it a “enjoy food day” NOT a cheat day, because it’s not a failure and I’m not a victim. I can make food have power over me, or I can have power over it. I am the threat or the solution to my weight, it is not the fried chicken. The cookie was never the problem in the first place. I was.

And remember the “Special Sauce” at Foolsfitness is called sweat!-Alan


  1. Hilarious...the golden mammaries beckon to us!

  2. You know, now I'm going to have to write a story about that mugging cupcake ... great image.

  3. I laughed all the way til the end...then you hit me with the punchline, which was deep: "The cookie was never the problem in the first place. I was."

    Good stuff, Alan, good stuff!

  4. Another brilliant post Alan!

    It's all there in the last paragraph. I DO feel powerless in front of food. The fact that you feel you can have the power shows that you are really going to succeed at this thing. You're right; it's all in your head rather than in the food itself.

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  5. A very funny post Alan. I was laughing out loud. Your last line really got me thinking, about who has the power. It really is all in my mind, but so difficult at times. This time I'm in it to win, or loose I mean. I really have to do it this time, health is catching up with me.

  6. The Golden Arches even opened up in my little country town a few weeks ago. Ronald has conquered NZ on his quest for world domination. Great post! Thanks for the comment on my blog, Alan.

  7. Funny post! Although in defense of the idea of being "powerless over food," I think no one's trying to blame the food itself -- it's just shorthand for admitting that one is powerless over one's impulse for food. Constantly battling oneself seems to be the crux of all attempts at weight loss and living more healthily.

  8. You are the author of my now favorite quote! "I’m not a victim. I can make food have power over me, or I can have power over it. I am the threat or the solution to my weight, it is not the fried chicken. The cookie was never the problem in the first place. I was."


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