Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Real Gyms Smell

Did I mention I joined a gym. Oh sure I had a “gym” membership elsewhere but this is a real gym complete with pool and aerobic classes, not just machines. This one even has that official gym smell. I haven’t got the courage up yet to officially try one of the aerobic classes like Cardio box or Zumba…
I have two excellent reasons for not doing an official aerobics class yet, first I can’t help but start laughing when the woman asks people if they are “breathing”… it gets me every time. Oh, I forgot to breathe! It’s a good thing you reminded me! Then there is the whole sesame street count thing… They love counting down from five. THEY want YOU to count down from five… At about three I have to start on my Count vampire puppet rant from the Sesame Street “five, four, three… three wonderful arm pumps! Ah-Ah-Ah…” At least they don’t seem to mind me wearing my Pajamas to the gym.
The second reason is the time I scoped out a “aqua lite water aerobics” class I was surrounded by old folks that when told to do jumping jacks started bobbing up and down in complete unison and made these freaky perfect tsunami tidal waves that all I could do is paddle for my very life praying not to be sucked in the undertow. Then after the class was over the instructor asked me, “Sometimes it’s just fun to float around for a little while isn’t it?” Hey! I was dog paddling for my life lady. All right, what I do may be an insult to dogs who know how to properly paddle. It’s more of a half paralyzed sloth paddle. But I’m like a duck man… there is a lot of foot action going on under the water! Well in fairness, I probably did bob around like a ocean buoy and looked like a turtle with my nose and eyes just peering out of the water. Yet it was a turtle in a very man type way… a ninja turtle or maybe a snapping turtle.
I do like the water, some of my flab folds sort of disappear. It’s like a little encouragement to say what I could be like weighing one sixth of my weight. The pool is actually very dangerous. I got caught in one of those water spout things shooting water back into the pool, the current sent me into the deep end… I felt like some astronaut helpless, floating away, after the tether to the shuttle broke. Then some little girl about 5 years old comes paddling by me wearing those floaty ducky arm things. Don’t tell me she wasn’t on steroids, no human being could paddle that quickly.
Oh and what’s with the pool gear anyway? Some guy has got goggles that are tinted shades and a rubber hat and had some special lotion that makes him extra slippery in the water. He claimed it’s all about “aerodynamics“. Since you’re in the water shouldn’t it be about “waternamics“? Why isn’t that a word? It’s not in my spell check!
Well in other news… Mondays weigh in down 1.5 pounds. Got an art commission for doing a walk a thon tee shirt. Ironically after working half the night on it I realized I misspelled a word. Praise God for tech that can make it a 20 minute fix rather than a whole drawing re-do. I’ve got another bookmark art commission waiting for me as well as Foolsfitness should be starting up a fit-a-thon fundraiser with my church that I’m pretty excited about. It’s a good way to stay focused, share info, and raise a bit of money for charity and new clothes.
Foolsfitness knows that fitness counts, but please stop counting down from five!- Alan


  1. The stuff they do in the classes can drive me nuts as well. Its a little annoying but I like being part of something.
    Great job with the weight loss! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  2. Hi Alan. Great about the art commissions. Love to see them when they're finished.

    Hmmm. I imagine gyms do smell a bit - don't like to think what of though! I've never had the courage to go to one myself so I think you're very brave. And swimming - even braver.

    Why do fitness instructors talk to you like you're 5 years old? Weird!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend x

  3. I still don't have the confidence to try the classes my gym provides. Scaredy cat. but kudos on joining the gym, mister. lol the count counting cracked me up ah ah ah

    down 1.5? awesome *high fives* you gots it going on!

  4. Hi Alan. Nice loss. Thanks for commenting on my blog. Hope you don't mind me adding your blog to my list of blogs. Your sense of humour is refreshing. I still have not mustered enough courage to join a class at the gym either.

  5. I'm not a class person either, for me it's just way to crowded. Way to go on the lose.

  6. Congrats on the commission and the 1.5 pound loss.

    LOL Your story about the water aerobics is funny. I've been doing aerobics on my own for over 3 years and I would probably still not dare to join a class.

  7. Great job on the weight-loss.

    And I totally know what you mean about the 'fat folds' disappearing. My friend took an underwater picture of me last month and I looked amazing! Look-ed is the key word. Once out of the water, I was back to 'normal'.


  8. P.S.
    Come join me in an exercise challenge this weekend. Check out my most recent post.


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