Gym Species Classification Guide

I read on the antijared blog he’d nicknamed a few people he always saw at the gym. I figured I’d come up with a classification of types of species I’ve encountered.

Bobbies: Not the English policemen but girls who have their hair in a pony tail and it constantly bobs prancing along as they go through their ecliptical machine workout.

Crunch-a-holics: They take ab workout crunches to a whole new level. It’s a bit like they are in convulsions being shocked by a tazer and are in some kind of seizure. It’s even painful to watch.

Barbies: Not to be confused with bobbies, these women tend to chew gum and wear lots of pink and somewhere they usually have the word “flirt” or “spoiled” They seem to come in groups of two.

Librarians: People who read magazines, books, or watch tv as they work out.

Atlases: Guys who will never have sand kicked in their faces by a bully at the beach again. They tend to favor free weights.

Morning Shows: They seem to really chatter a lot, they do seem to have lots of energy like those morning talk show people but in the end I’m not sure if it’s a physical workout or more of a social thing for them.

“Body” boomer: Not a bobby or Barbie but is a baby boomer is looking to keep a level of fitness and general good health. They seem to exercise with moderate weights but good sound form and control.

Cheetahs: they crank up the intensity on the machine, but usually only for short burst workouts. They do their 20-30 minutes of penance then hail Mary out of there.

Zen Masters: You can see them transcend and become one with the workout and the machine. They are in the zone and somehow reach a higher level of a state of fitness being.

Wanna bes: the new to the gym person that “wants to be” more fit. It’s not a insult. Everyone is new sometime. The question is if they “wanna be” enough to gain another title above by paying the dues of sweat and effort beyond the gym membership money that just got them a right to get in the door.

Me? I was once way more fit, but now I slipped back to a “wanna be” . In time I hope to earn my "Zen Master" and "Atlas" species classification. I really hope I never turn into a “Morning show” or end up doing my ab work jittering worse than a 4 year old hopped on PEZ and orange soda.

After all, being safe in the wild outback of the gym respecting the territory of these strange and beautiful species, it's just the foolsfitness way- Alan