I’m One Bad Biker, Actually Really Bad So Far

So I broke out my trusty bicycle once again. This time there was a hill involved in my peddling adventure! Before I get to the up’s and downs of the hill perhaps I should mention my trusty aluminum steed. It takes a real man to ride a girls bike… or perhaps a guy who’s real short on cash and it was the one on the best sale last fall.

I’m a rocket… ok, at least the “Rock” part of it if anyone has followed the blog since last year I’ve mentioned this is a classic bike with two speeds… slow and stop. But it’s got great wide whitewall tires. It’s a bit art deco retro. I hooked up a makeshift basket to the handlebars… it’s a soft lunch pail cooler I got at the thrift store for a dollar and a half. It’s large enough to put my lock in and some small items. I’ve learned today to zip the cover. I started rolling down previously mentioned hill. Lets just say that something weighing over 300 pounds gets trucking by gravity pretty darn well down a hill. As I reached supersonic and heard that sonic boom my eyes were tearing and face pushed back from all the G forces. Then I realized it wasn’t a sonic boom at all but my stuff at been ripped out of the basket at that ungodly speed. I was actually part pleased to slowdown and stop to get that junk anyway, I don’t think those bicycles were designed for that speed anyway… I had sort of a death wobble as I hit Mach one.

Note to self: get one of those cool drag racer car parachutes to release behind the bike in stopping after hills.

Going “up” the hill… well first I tried a bit, then two kids passed me, one on a tricycle and the other in one of those battery powered toy cars. But I swear, it must have been super modified by some racing savvy dad. Well, I exaggerate a bit. I was sort of near stopped. I looked at the rest of the hill and decided the best thing was to get off the bicycle and walk it up the hill.

Near the top of the hill must have been the mother of those kids. She was pushing a stroller. It was just like NASCAR, I knew this was my chance… once I was on level ground I peddled my heart out once more… she’d pulled away from me a bit… but I was finally able to ride up right behind her and use that fancy Stockcar racing drafting trick to blow by her doing at least maybe 3 miles and hour. All right again… to be honest I think she stopped and was looking at this huge guy huffing, drenched in sweat and perhaps pondering the bizarreness of the scene.

Then I made a pit stop. I figure if I’m a racer that’s important. Unfortunately I ended up with three candy bars… likely overfilling my “tank” that I just burned off.

Still just waking up, after passing out on my futon when I got home, and writing this… I first enjoyed that euphoric endorphin high from a serious workout… then realized I’d need a few minutes to manage convincing my sore and beaten body to crawl to the floor and eventually to the computer chair and pull myself up into it. Oh, yeah… I’m one bad biker now!!! Bad to the bone! At least to the tail bone.

Another note to self: Save money to get one of those cools bike bells that goes "ching ching ching"!

At Foolsfitness we endorse those cool little streamer things on the grips of your bike and also putting a baseball card in the spokes to get that cool tick tic tic sound!!!- Alan