My Foolsfitness Gnome mascot came down with S1N1 (Smurf Flu) It makes him blue and he sings “LA la la la la la” over and over. I’m fumigating the Blog… clearing out Rabid Gerbil infestations and Rogue Zombies. I may need to guest post someplace while the blog airs out from the flea bomb.
I’ve got a bit of “housekeeping” to do. Thanks to Jo and ant girl I now have three more blog awards I need to post up. I want to say thanks but more than that, I want to keep the right to have them up… by continuing posts that earn their honor.
I’ve got to teach a class tonight and I’ve been busy with a funeral of a close friend. So forgive this unusual format and unpolished nature of this post.
The three awards for my blog have been given to me by Jo at http://282point5.blogspot.com and antgirl of http://mepschronicles.blogspot.com Thank you! I’ve been working on a “Foolsfitness Uncommon Sense Award” that I will be sharing on a limited basis from time to time to honor blogs and folks who have a special unique quality. Somehow the industry has “common sense” that pushes 5 minute workout machines, fad diets, and weird supplements or magic pills. Foolsfitness says if this is common sense of the experts… it’s time for some *Uncommon* sense. It will be *Coming Soon*. Keep on the lookout for an upcoming “Foolsfitness Uncommon Sense Award”
Foolsfitness doesn’t follow directions well or color within the lines. Some Blog awards have lots of rules, and we figure if it’s an award it’s free and it shouldn’t come with more work right? But I like Gorgeous Blog Award that suggests sharing six things people may not know about you, so here they are:
1) I’m a Certified Lay Speaker for the United Methodist Church and a Roman Catholic too. Just imagine Foolsfitness preaching in some church somewhere on some Sunday. Freaky? Funny? Cool? Frightening? You decide!
2) I have two degrees. However, I have known people who *didn’t* graduate high school that have far more wisdom than some piece of paper can ever claim you have.
3) I’ve done some work as an artist… I’ve sold a design meant for a business card that was the size of a stamp and I’ve also done a mural that was 15 feet long. I’ve sculpted, painted, drawn, and have done computer art. I’ve even made Rosaries. How’s that for artistic range!
4) I use to have two gerbils (they passed away) that actually had American Gerbil Society pedigree papers showing their lineage and purebred status. (Seriously…no joke)
5) I love to read and study. If I take interest in some odd topic I tend to become a zealot wanting to know as much as possible about it. For example, this has led me to know some of the history of PEZ candy and how to carbonate soda.
6) My goals include to become a personal trainer and work in a gym. I hope as a real guy who fights weight I will be able to relate better to real folks than all those “fit all of their life” jocks. I’d also like to bring some “Uncommon” sense into the fitness world. I’d also like to own a yellow FJ Cruiser sometime in my life and a small cabin with a farmers porch complete with rocking chairs in a sleepy little town.
At Foolsfitness we would like to endorse the greatest weight loss and fitness product ever! You all ready have it… look in the mirror. If you are really in it for you, if you have decided you are going to be in your corner for real, for being more, for being all in the journey, for being more healthy in a safe way with out all the gimmicks… You will see incredible results that is better than any magic pill, fad diet, or 5 minute workout machine. - Alan
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
My Cereal Talks to Me and I fired a guy today
I had to fire one of my staff today. I gathered the boys, my trusted council, at the normal place… the little dog guards the door ready to tell us to run for the boarder if trouble comes. The crazy guy in the toga watches him checking in everybody… he always picks the same passwords, “Pizza pizza” Like I said he’s got some kind of brain damage. I think his grandfather was in the war.
I look around me at my booth. It looks like every one is here, Pig tails, the clown, King, That Chinese General, and Pappy Gino. My other guys too, plus my new enforcer Foolsfitness. Excuses opens up the meeting, “The Big Boss is looking at the numbers, He don’t like the returns. But I know you all did your best, we had some trouble with some situations last week. ”
The clown slams a red gloved hand on the table… “Do you know how many guys I’ve lost here? Let’s just say the numbers are supersized. For what gains? Then Foolsfitness starts making waves with our friends that we have alliances with. Clean plate club ain’t happy. You’re breaking Bubbles heart… she say you don’t want her normal soda first and now don’t even drink a lot of the stuff without the sugar in it. You don‘t like her or Candy now? Come on boss, Candy is sweet. She‘s got wonderful bars.”
Pappy Gino looks at the cup of tea in front of him and shrugs his shoulders, “Yeah, what’s with this stuff eh? Foolsfitness thinks he can walk in here and tell my boys not to do their rounds with the car? How it’s a good day for a bike ride or enjoy some fresh air. I’ll give you some fresh air, right here you little freaky looking Richard Simmons clone!” He starts to reach for a doughy breadstick.
A odd looking guy takes off a cheap tin crown and tosses it to the table. “You can’t expect me to keep things going easy for you this way. You know to keep things nice and safe, status quo level…. If I can’t keep getting burgers for my boys. They get fed and they expand the nice safe secure place here. They build the walls around us real good. Think of the castle here. Who knows what’s out there. Think of poor red pigtails, she‘s a frightened little one. We got to play it nice and safe and protect ourselves.”
“A wall barrier defense system is a sound military stragity that has worked for ages.“ A old man’s voice trembles as he rises leaning heavily on his cane, “The walls have protected us so far.”
Excuses looks sad looking around, a tear coming to his eye and he raises his hands in confusion. Before he speaks Foolsfitness literally shoves him down back in his chair. ”So you want advice from a guy who wears big red shoes and too much mascara, Some guy who thinks he’s a king… of sandwiches? A bright red haired little girl with pigtails? The only guys I think I really like here at all are the one who thinks he’s Mark Twain… at least he’s got an excuse of being older than dirt and General what’s his name from China. What if the threat isn‘t really out there. ”
A few people look around and take a hopeful sigh… but the Chinese general bows to Foolsfitness and says, ”Ah… Until you master your fear, fear will be your master.” Pappy Gino shakes his head and reaches for the bowl of fortune cookies near the General and hurls them across the room.
Foolsfitness holds up a hand. “What if the enemy is within? Is this your journal Excuses? Why haven’t you spent more time getting us to meetings when you see these chances that we could take over so many territories? Time after time you just give in? Give up? What?”
“I thought it was risky. Everyone likes it when I play it safe! No one gets hurt that way. “
“Look at these pictures.” Foolsfitness lays then out on the table for all to see. Picture after picture of what’s outside the walls. Some of the possibilities are amazing enough to literally numb the mind.
“You are getting hopes up. None of those are a given.” Excuses flails at the pictures angrily, “Do you have any idea how many resources we’d have to deploy to even think about taking over some of those territories!? You’re insane. You‘re the new guy… you ain‘t even proven yourself. You can‘t promise nothing!”
“Here’s 33 pounds of proof. It would have been a full 10 percent take off, but Boss, you see that Excuses has been skimming the take.” Foolsfitness plops down a huge bag of lard. “Trust me boss, you take this and get off some more then offer alliances to those people in the other territories and you’ll laugh at what some group like the clean plate club offers in comparison.”
The boss seems preoccupied looking at the surveillance photos and artist rendition possibilities pictures… he studies two closely and puts them in his coat pocket. “Foolsfitness take Excuses’ position at the table for a trial period and lets see what you can really do if I give you a few guys, take that psycho chuahua dog and the crazy kid in the toga and go shake some of these places down.”
***The END?… *** of course not! I want to talk to you about my cereal, it says: “Some settling may occur, sold by weight not by volume.” Someone wrote in their blog the other day that they were no longer the biggest person in the room. I’m almost certain I WILL ALWAYS BE the biggest person in the room. I don’t want to settle or be sold by weight…. I may drop some weight but my ego is huge… I will always be the biggest person in the room. I want to be sold by the weight and volume of my ego.
Take that you League of Extra Ordinary Fat Man! I’m coming, and I gots me a few guys. The new kid in town is hungry and moving in on your territories.
At Foolsfitness it’s a hoot being us… it‘s a bit like living in a comic book- Alan “the Big Boss”
I look around me at my booth. It looks like every one is here, Pig tails, the clown, King, That Chinese General, and Pappy Gino. My other guys too, plus my new enforcer Foolsfitness. Excuses opens up the meeting, “The Big Boss is looking at the numbers, He don’t like the returns. But I know you all did your best, we had some trouble with some situations last week. ”
The clown slams a red gloved hand on the table… “Do you know how many guys I’ve lost here? Let’s just say the numbers are supersized. For what gains? Then Foolsfitness starts making waves with our friends that we have alliances with. Clean plate club ain’t happy. You’re breaking Bubbles heart… she say you don’t want her normal soda first and now don’t even drink a lot of the stuff without the sugar in it. You don‘t like her or Candy now? Come on boss, Candy is sweet. She‘s got wonderful bars.”
Pappy Gino looks at the cup of tea in front of him and shrugs his shoulders, “Yeah, what’s with this stuff eh? Foolsfitness thinks he can walk in here and tell my boys not to do their rounds with the car? How it’s a good day for a bike ride or enjoy some fresh air. I’ll give you some fresh air, right here you little freaky looking Richard Simmons clone!” He starts to reach for a doughy breadstick.
A odd looking guy takes off a cheap tin crown and tosses it to the table. “You can’t expect me to keep things going easy for you this way. You know to keep things nice and safe, status quo level…. If I can’t keep getting burgers for my boys. They get fed and they expand the nice safe secure place here. They build the walls around us real good. Think of the castle here. Who knows what’s out there. Think of poor red pigtails, she‘s a frightened little one. We got to play it nice and safe and protect ourselves.”
“A wall barrier defense system is a sound military stragity that has worked for ages.“ A old man’s voice trembles as he rises leaning heavily on his cane, “The walls have protected us so far.”
Excuses looks sad looking around, a tear coming to his eye and he raises his hands in confusion. Before he speaks Foolsfitness literally shoves him down back in his chair. ”So you want advice from a guy who wears big red shoes and too much mascara, Some guy who thinks he’s a king… of sandwiches? A bright red haired little girl with pigtails? The only guys I think I really like here at all are the one who thinks he’s Mark Twain… at least he’s got an excuse of being older than dirt and General what’s his name from China. What if the threat isn‘t really out there. ”
A few people look around and take a hopeful sigh… but the Chinese general bows to Foolsfitness and says, ”Ah… Until you master your fear, fear will be your master.” Pappy Gino shakes his head and reaches for the bowl of fortune cookies near the General and hurls them across the room.
Foolsfitness holds up a hand. “What if the enemy is within? Is this your journal Excuses? Why haven’t you spent more time getting us to meetings when you see these chances that we could take over so many territories? Time after time you just give in? Give up? What?”
“I thought it was risky. Everyone likes it when I play it safe! No one gets hurt that way. “
“Look at these pictures.” Foolsfitness lays then out on the table for all to see. Picture after picture of what’s outside the walls. Some of the possibilities are amazing enough to literally numb the mind.
“You are getting hopes up. None of those are a given.” Excuses flails at the pictures angrily, “Do you have any idea how many resources we’d have to deploy to even think about taking over some of those territories!? You’re insane. You‘re the new guy… you ain‘t even proven yourself. You can‘t promise nothing!”
“Here’s 33 pounds of proof. It would have been a full 10 percent take off, but Boss, you see that Excuses has been skimming the take.” Foolsfitness plops down a huge bag of lard. “Trust me boss, you take this and get off some more then offer alliances to those people in the other territories and you’ll laugh at what some group like the clean plate club offers in comparison.”
The boss seems preoccupied looking at the surveillance photos and artist rendition possibilities pictures… he studies two closely and puts them in his coat pocket. “Foolsfitness take Excuses’ position at the table for a trial period and lets see what you can really do if I give you a few guys, take that psycho chuahua dog and the crazy kid in the toga and go shake some of these places down.”
***The END?… *** of course not! I want to talk to you about my cereal, it says: “Some settling may occur, sold by weight not by volume.” Someone wrote in their blog the other day that they were no longer the biggest person in the room. I’m almost certain I WILL ALWAYS BE the biggest person in the room. I don’t want to settle or be sold by weight…. I may drop some weight but my ego is huge… I will always be the biggest person in the room. I want to be sold by the weight and volume of my ego.
Take that you League of Extra Ordinary Fat Man! I’m coming, and I gots me a few guys. The new kid in town is hungry and moving in on your territories.
At Foolsfitness it’s a hoot being us… it‘s a bit like living in a comic book- Alan “the Big Boss”
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
NO Diet! The MORE IS BETTER Fools Fitness Plan
What if “more” really is seriously better!!! I know your thinking I’m trying to trick you, but the Foolsfitness philosophy is growing to become that “more” is actually better. I’m slowly discarding the loosing weight and diet idea…. And I honestly think you should too. Please consider reading on.
I just bought a DVD pack of 23 hours of Kung Fu for five dollars. Americans want more. Bigger houses, bigger cars, and more stuff. We collect so much stuff we need to make space to store the stuff. Companies actually make money storing other peoples stuff. I have a warehouse membership card to a superstore supermarket where I can buy 2 gallon containers of salsa. We thrive on more is better!!! We even have credit cards so we can live on tomorrow’s “more” right now today!
Here it is folks. The idea of loosing weight and a diet, I honestly think are wrong. In fact I don’t think they are really healthy concepts at all. It’s taken me a while to reach this and it does sound bizarre but hear me out here… I do actually in real life have two degrees. MORE IS BETTER. The straight of it is your actually having a whole lot less than you should be healthy having! How’s that for “Un”common sense?
We who are overweight are honestly having so much less than we should consume… THAT’S the problem. Diets are the problem. Loosing weight is the problem. Really! They are flawed concepts that go against our nature.
So here it is. What’s the first three letters in DIET? Yup. When you think diet you think about all the things you need to sacrifice and things you need to give up. What if we are already on a diet now and don’t even know it? What we are currently sacrificing is our physical health. We are giving up leading full lives. We are fasting from the total of what life has to offer! A diet is negative. I want a LIVIT I have no interest in loosing weight, again that’s the idea of negative. I’m trying to *GAIN* freedom to run up 3 flights of stairs, have normal and healthy days, with a normal and healthy job, and maybe… just maybe… even a normal and healthy relationship with someone somewhere where ever they are. Wouldn’t it be awesome if thirty years from now I’m sitting on some farmers porch in a rocking chair next to that woman. I don’t want to die-it I want to Live-it. It's not anything about less... I have the less now!!! I want more!
Most of us like a good deal… sales rock, because getting value rocks. We know it! Foolsfitness is hoping very soon to have his 10 percent off sales celebration. That 34 pounds is in sight. That isn’t a loss, it’s really a huge gain! When that sale hits it’s going to be wild… but Crazy AL’s discount days may slash off even more. It’s going to be a deal that someone special if I can find her and convince her… she hopefully won’t be able to pass it up. It just might be the deal of a lifetime!
Foolsfitness reminds you that “life” itself is the buffet table. It’s all you can eat… don’t just settle for the breadsticks and ice water at your table. Get up and check it out!!! Forget the “diet“ and get a “Live-it“ More is Better Foolsfitness plan!!! Have your own sale too because value rocks! - Alan
I just bought a DVD pack of 23 hours of Kung Fu for five dollars. Americans want more. Bigger houses, bigger cars, and more stuff. We collect so much stuff we need to make space to store the stuff. Companies actually make money storing other peoples stuff. I have a warehouse membership card to a superstore supermarket where I can buy 2 gallon containers of salsa. We thrive on more is better!!! We even have credit cards so we can live on tomorrow’s “more” right now today!
Here it is folks. The idea of loosing weight and a diet, I honestly think are wrong. In fact I don’t think they are really healthy concepts at all. It’s taken me a while to reach this and it does sound bizarre but hear me out here… I do actually in real life have two degrees. MORE IS BETTER. The straight of it is your actually having a whole lot less than you should be healthy having! How’s that for “Un”common sense?
We who are overweight are honestly having so much less than we should consume… THAT’S the problem. Diets are the problem. Loosing weight is the problem. Really! They are flawed concepts that go against our nature.
So here it is. What’s the first three letters in DIET? Yup. When you think diet you think about all the things you need to sacrifice and things you need to give up. What if we are already on a diet now and don’t even know it? What we are currently sacrificing is our physical health. We are giving up leading full lives. We are fasting from the total of what life has to offer! A diet is negative. I want a LIVIT I have no interest in loosing weight, again that’s the idea of negative. I’m trying to *GAIN* freedom to run up 3 flights of stairs, have normal and healthy days, with a normal and healthy job, and maybe… just maybe… even a normal and healthy relationship with someone somewhere where ever they are. Wouldn’t it be awesome if thirty years from now I’m sitting on some farmers porch in a rocking chair next to that woman. I don’t want to die-it I want to Live-it. It's not anything about less... I have the less now!!! I want more!
Most of us like a good deal… sales rock, because getting value rocks. We know it! Foolsfitness is hoping very soon to have his 10 percent off sales celebration. That 34 pounds is in sight. That isn’t a loss, it’s really a huge gain! When that sale hits it’s going to be wild… but Crazy AL’s discount days may slash off even more. It’s going to be a deal that someone special if I can find her and convince her… she hopefully won’t be able to pass it up. It just might be the deal of a lifetime!
Foolsfitness reminds you that “life” itself is the buffet table. It’s all you can eat… don’t just settle for the breadsticks and ice water at your table. Get up and check it out!!! Forget the “diet“ and get a “Live-it“ More is Better Foolsfitness plan!!! Have your own sale too because value rocks! - Alan
Monday, October 19, 2009
Jester’s Bag #1 Fellowship Prayer + Gnome Bodyguard
Don’t worry. The Gnome will watch it. But the Gnome and I have to start trusting each other! OK, Let me back up so you have a small clue to what I’m rambling about. But first, something new to the blog!!!
THE JESTER’S BAG
Does anyone really know what to expect when the court jester Fool reaches into his bag?
*NEW* Any blog post titled with a “Jester’s Bag” will be a bit more random, perhaps a bit less about the whole weight thing. I’ve decided to have an occasional posts that have a bit more random subjects that strike whim. Don’t worry, normal fools fitness posts (well are any of them really normal posts anyway?) will continue. Hey even the “Jester’s bag” may likely contain physical health and eating stuff (Or not eating stuff?) things.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GNOME? Ok, just one more thing first…
Random #1: I briefly mentioned in a blog post I’ve started a wellness group with friends at my church called “FoolsFitness Fellowship” and even tried to wrap it in some small prizes and set it up around a charity fundraiser. Here is the opening prayer that I think crafts some of the developing FoolsFitness Philosophy:
We the Foolsfitness Fellowship are creations
Of God. I am the steward of my body which is a
Sacred Gift. We are not about fad diets, magic
pills, 5 minute workout machines, or guilt. We
choose by free will to be mindful of our nutritional
needs, aware of our portions, and in the safe
movement of our body; together as a whole,
personally, and in support of others. I
have the power of the plate, in what and how
much to either put on it or remove from it.
There are not good or bad foods here. I trust in
God’s strength and the fellowship’s
encouragement.
-Amen
Random #2... THE GNOME!
I am not the most tidy person. I blame the artist in me that struggles against the confines of order. I have long ago lost the back seat of my car to odd mail, take out containers, and random clothing. My house is even worse with piles of books on strange subjects, art bits, and about 12 half finished projects. This morning was a nightmare… Monday morning I couldn’t find my work pass key or my phone bill. But what drove me crazy for months is I lost my favorite Rosary… a birthday/confirmation gift from a dear guardian angel friend. I should get a picture… it’s a mix of two antiques. It has a large inlaid French crucifix and the ebony beads are from either a monks or nun’s habit. I’ve been crushed for loosing it and I found all three of those things.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE x*&*^*&%*$^ GNOME!!!!
I have a 3 foot tall garden gnome that holds a planter pot in my home. However this isn’t used for plants. This gnome has got my back. His sole bodyguard duty is to hold my “critical” items. Keys, cell phone, Rosary, Work pass card. Had I trusted in him none of this would have happened.
Maybe I should make a fools fitness gnome? He could keep a daily food log and exercise record. He could keep a stack of inspirational books for reading and a personal journal to write and reflect on the journey. He might also hold a small photo scrapbook with pictures and goals.
Of course the Gnomes only work if you trust them! They do work hard too, but you need to keep an eye on them. Gnomes are easily offended, take time to warm up to you, and are only fiercely loyal if you are fiercely loyal to them as well.
Random #3: Ate well, moved a bit… then had Chinese food today, but didn’t eat to bursting. -5 pounds this week. 310.5 Very pleased to have the five pound drop but I need to buckle down and not yo-yo. This last month has not been consistent. I am the one choosing to eat more than I need to at times. But as the Foolsfitness Fellowship prayer goes I think I am becoming more aware and mindful.
Please remember that It’s all about the Gnomes at Foolsfitness. The Gnomes are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way…- Alan
THE JESTER’S BAG
Does anyone really know what to expect when the court jester Fool reaches into his bag?
*NEW* Any blog post titled with a “Jester’s Bag” will be a bit more random, perhaps a bit less about the whole weight thing. I’ve decided to have an occasional posts that have a bit more random subjects that strike whim. Don’t worry, normal fools fitness posts (well are any of them really normal posts anyway?) will continue. Hey even the “Jester’s bag” may likely contain physical health and eating stuff (Or not eating stuff?) things.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GNOME? Ok, just one more thing first…
Random #1: I briefly mentioned in a blog post I’ve started a wellness group with friends at my church called “FoolsFitness Fellowship” and even tried to wrap it in some small prizes and set it up around a charity fundraiser. Here is the opening prayer that I think crafts some of the developing FoolsFitness Philosophy:
We the Foolsfitness Fellowship are creations
Of God. I am the steward of my body which is a
Sacred Gift. We are not about fad diets, magic
pills, 5 minute workout machines, or guilt. We
choose by free will to be mindful of our nutritional
needs, aware of our portions, and in the safe
movement of our body; together as a whole,
personally, and in support of others. I
have the power of the plate, in what and how
much to either put on it or remove from it.
There are not good or bad foods here. I trust in
God’s strength and the fellowship’s
encouragement.
-Amen
Random #2... THE GNOME!
I am not the most tidy person. I blame the artist in me that struggles against the confines of order. I have long ago lost the back seat of my car to odd mail, take out containers, and random clothing. My house is even worse with piles of books on strange subjects, art bits, and about 12 half finished projects. This morning was a nightmare… Monday morning I couldn’t find my work pass key or my phone bill. But what drove me crazy for months is I lost my favorite Rosary… a birthday/confirmation gift from a dear guardian angel friend. I should get a picture… it’s a mix of two antiques. It has a large inlaid French crucifix and the ebony beads are from either a monks or nun’s habit. I’ve been crushed for loosing it and I found all three of those things.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE x*&*^*&%*$^ GNOME!!!!
I have a 3 foot tall garden gnome that holds a planter pot in my home. However this isn’t used for plants. This gnome has got my back. His sole bodyguard duty is to hold my “critical” items. Keys, cell phone, Rosary, Work pass card. Had I trusted in him none of this would have happened.
Maybe I should make a fools fitness gnome? He could keep a daily food log and exercise record. He could keep a stack of inspirational books for reading and a personal journal to write and reflect on the journey. He might also hold a small photo scrapbook with pictures and goals.
Of course the Gnomes only work if you trust them! They do work hard too, but you need to keep an eye on them. Gnomes are easily offended, take time to warm up to you, and are only fiercely loyal if you are fiercely loyal to them as well.
Random #3: Ate well, moved a bit… then had Chinese food today, but didn’t eat to bursting. -5 pounds this week. 310.5 Very pleased to have the five pound drop but I need to buckle down and not yo-yo. This last month has not been consistent. I am the one choosing to eat more than I need to at times. But as the Foolsfitness Fellowship prayer goes I think I am becoming more aware and mindful.
Please remember that It’s all about the Gnomes at Foolsfitness. The Gnomes are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way…- Alan
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Am I A Super Villain? A Part Time Superhero? Or what?
Why do Super Villains laugh so well? Have you ever noticed that Evil Masterminds tend to be enthusiastic and actually happy a large part of the time? They have a great attention for detail. They usually have a very cool evil lair. They are even pretty good at business (hey being evil is expensive) and delegators of authority… They usually have hoards of minions and a trusted lieutenant to “take care of things”. Not only will they do away with the superhero, but it must be in some wildly complex and amusing fashion.
You may see where this is leading. While most are very intelligent, their ultimate undoing is a mix of arrogance, ego, and greed. They figure once “the plan” is in motion all they need to do is sit back and laugh the evil (Yet very cool) laugh.
I’ve tried repeatedly to apply for membership into of Sean and Jack’s Superhero group called, “The League of Extraordinary Fat Men”, with no reply. Now I can see several reasons for this.
A) their Superhero Sidekick interns repeatedly have lost my paperwork.
B) With my weight loss not reaching huge numbers I need to develop my superpowers further.
C) They see my dark tendencies and wonder deep down if I will indeed become a super villian.
D) The group is fictitious, but the more that people say that the more I know “they” are covering the group up.
So blame it on my Super Villain flaws, I got cocky and then ignored the details… full of myself and laughing manically while blaming my yes men or thugs for any deviation from the ideal. Look at me for hitting a weight loss marker of 25 pounds and the six month mark. Then the launch of a Foolsfitness local group complete with a charity fundraiser. Enter the villain’s ego, arrogance, and any other stuff.
Ok here it is. The reason for missing a post. One slip, and then another, and then throw a few on top of it. I could blame it on the local sandwich fair. While I didn’t eat a whole cow or sheep… I did eat an éclair the size of a loaf of Italian bread. Then there was a donut the size of my head. Naturally the next logical step in the following days was a half dozen candy bars and somewhere in there must have been lots of Chinese food? ****SIX POUNDS GAIN!!!!!**** Holy I’ve eaten a Cow Batman! 315.5 Biff Pow BAMM ZAPP
I don’t think I’ll ever be the goody two shoes Superman. I might be able to do the brooding superhero like Batman… but hopefully with the style of the Green Hornet. But now the lesson for today, I shall not get over confident and forget it’s each days walk, each meals choice… it doesn’t end. You can’t be a part-time superhero.
At Foolsfitness we wrote the book on Superheroes… Well one Superhero actually. And it’s still being written. Whether it’s a fiction or autobiography has yet to be determined. Maybe a bit of Mark Twain, a bit of both?- Alan
You may see where this is leading. While most are very intelligent, their ultimate undoing is a mix of arrogance, ego, and greed. They figure once “the plan” is in motion all they need to do is sit back and laugh the evil (Yet very cool) laugh.
I’ve tried repeatedly to apply for membership into of Sean and Jack’s Superhero group called, “The League of Extraordinary Fat Men”, with no reply. Now I can see several reasons for this.
A) their Superhero Sidekick interns repeatedly have lost my paperwork.
B) With my weight loss not reaching huge numbers I need to develop my superpowers further.
C) They see my dark tendencies and wonder deep down if I will indeed become a super villian.
D) The group is fictitious, but the more that people say that the more I know “they” are covering the group up.
So blame it on my Super Villain flaws, I got cocky and then ignored the details… full of myself and laughing manically while blaming my yes men or thugs for any deviation from the ideal. Look at me for hitting a weight loss marker of 25 pounds and the six month mark. Then the launch of a Foolsfitness local group complete with a charity fundraiser. Enter the villain’s ego, arrogance, and any other stuff.
Ok here it is. The reason for missing a post. One slip, and then another, and then throw a few on top of it. I could blame it on the local sandwich fair. While I didn’t eat a whole cow or sheep… I did eat an éclair the size of a loaf of Italian bread. Then there was a donut the size of my head. Naturally the next logical step in the following days was a half dozen candy bars and somewhere in there must have been lots of Chinese food? ****SIX POUNDS GAIN!!!!!**** Holy I’ve eaten a Cow Batman! 315.5 Biff Pow BAMM ZAPP
I don’t think I’ll ever be the goody two shoes Superman. I might be able to do the brooding superhero like Batman… but hopefully with the style of the Green Hornet. But now the lesson for today, I shall not get over confident and forget it’s each days walk, each meals choice… it doesn’t end. You can’t be a part-time superhero.
At Foolsfitness we wrote the book on Superheroes… Well one Superhero actually. And it’s still being written. Whether it’s a fiction or autobiography has yet to be determined. Maybe a bit of Mark Twain, a bit of both?- Alan
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Professional All You Can Eat Guide to Buffets
.
I’m sitting at the Chinese Food Buffet restaurant this morning waiting for it to open (Yeah, I have issues) and I thought I should create a small guide for you non-professionals…
1) Bring your own dishes. You can get far larger plates and bowls from home. This saves on trips up to the buffet line so you can save all your strength for eating.
2) Check to see if they have a membership. It’s like gym fees, just pay by the month… again saving crucial time so you can focus more on the gooey and fried goodness. Personally, they have just given me a key so I can go in for midnight snacks as well. This option is usually not on the *basic* Chinese food buffet membership.
3) Keep eating. At one point they will bring you a check, but don’t stop. They will eventually try to make you a deal that if you leave they will call it even so you *don’t have to pay at all* as they get frightened over your crab consumption costs. Personally I am a professional, I keep eating beyond that and can get to the final stage of being there for half a day and usually at that point they will actually PAY YOU a small amount to leave. At this level you earn high respect as an “Alpha” eater, they will no longer look you in the directly in the eye for long. It’s a little known martial art. The ancient eating masters actually have custom black belts that can be loosened during or after large meals.
4) Go early to get the best seating. Moreover you can usually ask them *as they set up* to just bring you the whole tray of crab ragoons and chicken teriyaki they bring out directly to your table… it’s so much easier.
Yup, you guessed it. I did a Chinese Food Buffet today. I actually fought the urge for a few days and technically the “enjoy food day” I set up once a month I could use for this. As I said I don’t like the term “cheat day” or “bad” food. That still gives food some power over you. However I am struggling with the choice. I feel it wasn’t made under complete Zen. Chinese Food still is my kryptonite. I want to reach the day where I can go in and just eat a decent proportioned plate and draw the line. Maybe some of you have justified a second plate with, “I should get my money’s worth” or something like “well I don’t eat this kind of stuff at home” or “that looks interesting, I just try that. (and that and that and that)”
I have an excuse. (Isn’t it great to have excuses and that way you need to take absolutely no responsibility for anything you eat!) I got frightened. I went into to the supermarket yesterday and started an exploratory mission into the fresh fruit and vegetable aisle. I clutched my frozen pizza close to my side moving slowly forward seeing all strange and usual things in bright colors and unusual shapes. A strange aroma was in the air. I shuttered wondering what manner of creation is this as I picked up a small brightly green colored spherical object about the size of a softball in my hand. Fearing I would loose my way I retraced my steps quickly back to the chip and soda aisle… that is another adventure story for another blog entry, in time after a more advanced exploration mission. I need to go in there properly equipped with soda and cookies to sustain me.
At Foolsfitness we count pickles as our main vegetable.- Alan
I’m sitting at the Chinese Food Buffet restaurant this morning waiting for it to open (Yeah, I have issues) and I thought I should create a small guide for you non-professionals…
1) Bring your own dishes. You can get far larger plates and bowls from home. This saves on trips up to the buffet line so you can save all your strength for eating.
2) Check to see if they have a membership. It’s like gym fees, just pay by the month… again saving crucial time so you can focus more on the gooey and fried goodness. Personally, they have just given me a key so I can go in for midnight snacks as well. This option is usually not on the *basic* Chinese food buffet membership.
3) Keep eating. At one point they will bring you a check, but don’t stop. They will eventually try to make you a deal that if you leave they will call it even so you *don’t have to pay at all* as they get frightened over your crab consumption costs. Personally I am a professional, I keep eating beyond that and can get to the final stage of being there for half a day and usually at that point they will actually PAY YOU a small amount to leave. At this level you earn high respect as an “Alpha” eater, they will no longer look you in the directly in the eye for long. It’s a little known martial art. The ancient eating masters actually have custom black belts that can be loosened during or after large meals.
4) Go early to get the best seating. Moreover you can usually ask them *as they set up* to just bring you the whole tray of crab ragoons and chicken teriyaki they bring out directly to your table… it’s so much easier.
Yup, you guessed it. I did a Chinese Food Buffet today. I actually fought the urge for a few days and technically the “enjoy food day” I set up once a month I could use for this. As I said I don’t like the term “cheat day” or “bad” food. That still gives food some power over you. However I am struggling with the choice. I feel it wasn’t made under complete Zen. Chinese Food still is my kryptonite. I want to reach the day where I can go in and just eat a decent proportioned plate and draw the line. Maybe some of you have justified a second plate with, “I should get my money’s worth” or something like “well I don’t eat this kind of stuff at home” or “that looks interesting, I just try that. (and that and that and that)”
I have an excuse. (Isn’t it great to have excuses and that way you need to take absolutely no responsibility for anything you eat!) I got frightened. I went into to the supermarket yesterday and started an exploratory mission into the fresh fruit and vegetable aisle. I clutched my frozen pizza close to my side moving slowly forward seeing all strange and usual things in bright colors and unusual shapes. A strange aroma was in the air. I shuttered wondering what manner of creation is this as I picked up a small brightly green colored spherical object about the size of a softball in my hand. Fearing I would loose my way I retraced my steps quickly back to the chip and soda aisle… that is another adventure story for another blog entry, in time after a more advanced exploration mission. I need to go in there properly equipped with soda and cookies to sustain me.
At Foolsfitness we count pickles as our main vegetable.- Alan
Monday, October 5, 2009
The weighting room
I’ve been peeking in the weight area of the gym. Since my gym membership began I’ve just been obsessed with swimming and that is all I use the gym for. I have lifted weights before. I mean sort of as a sport. Not a professional body builder but I took pride once in my body. Now being still rather big, and not the big that is like arms the size of your head, I’ve been just daring a peek when I think no one is looking.
You see there is stuff I barely remember and new stuff too. Apparently it’s now OK for grown ups to play with huge bouncy balls. I can’t take the classes because every time I say “Zumba” it pushes me into a giggle fit. They now have weights that are spheres called kettle bells. Apparently they are rather old and used in Russia. Personally if your going to get a different weight to lift I want something fun like weights in the shape of the Flintstones (like those Dino vitamins) or the weights should be in shapes like army tanks because you are building up your “guns” right? I think if they want real muscle confusion and a challenge they should bench press goats. If they used goats they would have not only a work out tool but they wouldn’t need a water bottle supplement drink… cause it’s goat’s milk on demand!!!
I can just picture hanging myself in the new cable machines.
Luckily due to my work schedule I can hit the gym at a time when it’s mostly “older” and less intimidating folks. Imaging me having some 80 year old guy with no neck asking me to “spot him”… I make one off comment like what colors would he prefer and I get “what?” and/or “eeeh?” for ten minutes…, or I try to help him lift some unbelievable weight bar.. You know, the ones with like two of those disk things on them. Sure they say ten pounds but we all know about that conspiracy.
Still if I want to look like Arnold I’m going to need to pump some iron sometime. Maybe soon. I’m also seeing if I can take the next step of not only watching my calories but trying to eat more “balanced” foods. I read about it someplace. I have no idea how balancing your foods helps or where and on what you need to balance them on, but I can juggle apples and oranges.
Well, another -1.5 pounds off. I got a notary signed weight register at 310.5 today (Oct. 05, 2009). I’m going to do a weight loss fundraiser for charity until New Years to help my church. (currently I’m worth $4.00 a pound in pledges… Gee I hope more people donate, I‘d like to know I‘m worth more than lobster!) It’s a good cause, my church like many Americans are struggling in the tough economy. I think my church is struggling spiritually as well. Pray for “The Little Church on the Hill” (it’s nickname)
Richard Simmons said the average American gains 12-15 pounds Oct-Dec. I guess that makes sense with all the food holidays, and half the nation in snow and limiting their outdoor activities. Gee if I end up gaining weight over the winter! No. That’s negative thinking. I’m going to gain more freedom and health by shedding more chains and shackles of the dead weight.
Speaking of dead weight. I’m not sure if it’s funny or sad. I haven’t quite got the hang of getting the bicycle to go completely forward in a straight line. That old weight shifts and sways. But watch it after that momentum gets up to speed. I could be like a monster truck, crushing everything in my path.
At Foolsfitness we can curl 2-liter bottles of soda for hours!- Alan
You see there is stuff I barely remember and new stuff too. Apparently it’s now OK for grown ups to play with huge bouncy balls. I can’t take the classes because every time I say “Zumba” it pushes me into a giggle fit. They now have weights that are spheres called kettle bells. Apparently they are rather old and used in Russia. Personally if your going to get a different weight to lift I want something fun like weights in the shape of the Flintstones (like those Dino vitamins) or the weights should be in shapes like army tanks because you are building up your “guns” right? I think if they want real muscle confusion and a challenge they should bench press goats. If they used goats they would have not only a work out tool but they wouldn’t need a water bottle supplement drink… cause it’s goat’s milk on demand!!!
I can just picture hanging myself in the new cable machines.
Luckily due to my work schedule I can hit the gym at a time when it’s mostly “older” and less intimidating folks. Imaging me having some 80 year old guy with no neck asking me to “spot him”… I make one off comment like what colors would he prefer and I get “what?” and/or “eeeh?” for ten minutes…, or I try to help him lift some unbelievable weight bar.. You know, the ones with like two of those disk things on them. Sure they say ten pounds but we all know about that conspiracy.
Still if I want to look like Arnold I’m going to need to pump some iron sometime. Maybe soon. I’m also seeing if I can take the next step of not only watching my calories but trying to eat more “balanced” foods. I read about it someplace. I have no idea how balancing your foods helps or where and on what you need to balance them on, but I can juggle apples and oranges.
Well, another -1.5 pounds off. I got a notary signed weight register at 310.5 today (Oct. 05, 2009). I’m going to do a weight loss fundraiser for charity until New Years to help my church. (currently I’m worth $4.00 a pound in pledges… Gee I hope more people donate, I‘d like to know I‘m worth more than lobster!) It’s a good cause, my church like many Americans are struggling in the tough economy. I think my church is struggling spiritually as well. Pray for “The Little Church on the Hill” (it’s nickname)
Richard Simmons said the average American gains 12-15 pounds Oct-Dec. I guess that makes sense with all the food holidays, and half the nation in snow and limiting their outdoor activities. Gee if I end up gaining weight over the winter! No. That’s negative thinking. I’m going to gain more freedom and health by shedding more chains and shackles of the dead weight.
Speaking of dead weight. I’m not sure if it’s funny or sad. I haven’t quite got the hang of getting the bicycle to go completely forward in a straight line. That old weight shifts and sways. But watch it after that momentum gets up to speed. I could be like a monster truck, crushing everything in my path.
At Foolsfitness we can curl 2-liter bottles of soda for hours!- Alan
Thursday, October 1, 2009
6 Months + Hungry at Foolsfitness
Well I “officially” started my Journey on April fools day (April 1 of 2009)… it just seemed right for “Foolsfitness” to be born then. I weighed today and hit my lowest weight since the beginning now 312 (that’s 31 pounds gone!), this is my 51st blog post and I have over 50 fabulous Foolsfitness friends who keep me going when it’s tough and share in the joys! Everyone’s comments keep me focused and fill me up better than candy! I’m really blessed to not be alone in the war. THANK YOU!
So today I did my poor impression of the M.C. Hammer, “Can’t Touch This” song… followed along with Vanilla Ice song, “Ice- Ice-Baby” and then I started by rabid frothing of, “I’m Too Sexy for My Shirt!” Then I started screaming, “Who’s laughing now? Who’s the Fool now!?” looking in the mirror. People at the office looked at me a little strangely.
Then I woke up to reality as I got home. (briefly… I just visit reality from time to time, my world is far better) I leave a pair of my old jean shorts on the bathroom door for reality checks. I have a simple rule, if I’m going to eat off what I plan for caloric intake I just try those shorts on… Well I got my legs in them and over my wide load behind at least! No chance Mr. Universe could even squeeze them to button up though…. Not even close!
I had a silly private goal I set in April… I really wanted to dress up as the old Batman (and not be laughed at) going to a Halloween cruise. I doubt even the plus size could fit… and it really wouldn’t be a superhero shape… even factoring in old Adam West didn’t have the perfect body. I might make it as the Penguin from the newer film, but that isn‘t my goal and I am not going like that… No compromises. It’s a blow of reality. Like seeing my Humpty Dumpty like pictures.
I’ve had a few Hiccups. I failed to focus on health for a month plus in the middle of this. But I got back, and even more focused. Even the past week or so my weight has been all over the park… somehow gained 3 pounds in a week then I lost 3 pounds in single a day and another 2 pounds lost in two more days. I can only attribute it to me being sick with a cold. I have no clue if I’m dehydrated or was holding fluids, different clothes or what… (I’m not starving myself) but I just take the number on scale from Oct 1st.
If I can encourage anyone here that may be a bit behind me on the scales.… I can NOT honestly say “You can do it!” (boy that’s modivation huh? But read on) Nor was it easy or in seven days! I can say I’ve come a long way… I’ve got a long way to go. If I CAN do it (I have done an over 30 pounds drop) Why CAN’T you do it too?! I have no secret drug or wacky diet. I try to be very careful watching my portions and I even have the occasional (GASP) candy bar… I had a cookie today! I don’t eat a box of them in a day though. I did at one time… I would down a whole pizza in a sitting and small leftover as a snack. If you want a trick just take a PEZ each day (Or a whole roll they are only 35 calories) and eat moderately and move…
Now is different… You bet I’m hungry sometimes… but I try to remember to tell myself that isn’t a food hunger. Food could sedate me a bit but in the end it just makes the hole bigger. I don’t even like the word “Diet” or people shoving rice cakes at me. It’s real life for me… a life long journey of food choices. I don’t even like the term “Bad” food. It’s just a thing… it has no power… A cupcake will not kill you. Notice the word “A”. I just eat a half a dozen in a day. (just seeing if you were paying attention! I just keep my intake at are 1500 calories in small meals throughout the day… if I’m in a rush I just have a granola bar or occasionally even a candy bar) There is no wagon to fall off because there is no “Diet” to stop magically when I get to some number. If I had a diet it would be the Chimichunga and diet cream soda diet. There is no magic food mixture or low carbs or low fat. Just moderation, movement, and blogging!!!
My magic workouts thus far has only been walking at just a 2 miles per hour speed (But not stopping at the first mile or 20 minutes! I keep on walking baby!!!) and swimming for 45 minutes just trying to keep moving with my cheesy dog paddling, maybe one or the other or both 4 times a week. I got a bicycle recently but I only have used it twice so far (My back and legs got to get built up for riding any distance yet).That *is* the reason I called it Foolsfitness to mock the silly fad diet industry and those silly 8 minute a day work out machines that look like a cross between medieval torcher devices and modern art sculptures.
I’ve got a long way to go still, lets walk this journey together. It’s an adventure! I won’t even settle when they let me in the “League of Extra-Ordinary Fat Men”… because it won’t be done. I think I’m in it for life. I really want a life. The world needs another superhero, and I think I can find one under all this weight in time.
I want a 9 to 5 career at the gym as a personal trainer to inspire and help others too (and keep me on track too…I can never forget that this never ends, I know I need daily reminders and renewed motivations). Like the Hobbit who wrote “There and Back” how can a guy who’s fit all his life understand what it feels to shake looking at one of those white plastic lawn chairs? Or be winded just going up a flight of stairs? That fit all his life guy has not walked into a 24 hour convience store weighing 350 pounds at 2 AM for a binge on a 2-liter soda, 2 candy bars and a pack of cupcakes. They don't know what it was like to get picked last in gym class for teams.
I want the FJ Cruiser with the Foolsfitness logo on the side and a condo along with the career at the gym. You bet I’m hungry…I’m hungry, for a life. I hope I’m more hungry for that than spending *ALL* of my days at the Chinese food buffet. (there will be *some* visits though… “moderation” is my new mantra)
Mark my words that Batman costume will be a certain next year. So will the Conan the Destroyer replica sword that will be engraved with the dates and “100 pounds lost” in time. (feel free to insert Rocky type “Eye of The Tiger” music here) Mr. T doesn’t need to pity this Fool.
I hope your hungry, can stay hungry, or can get hungry!
At Foolsfitness it’s about feeding the Hunger!- Alan
So today I did my poor impression of the M.C. Hammer, “Can’t Touch This” song… followed along with Vanilla Ice song, “Ice- Ice-Baby” and then I started by rabid frothing of, “I’m Too Sexy for My Shirt!” Then I started screaming, “Who’s laughing now? Who’s the Fool now!?” looking in the mirror. People at the office looked at me a little strangely.
Then I woke up to reality as I got home. (briefly… I just visit reality from time to time, my world is far better) I leave a pair of my old jean shorts on the bathroom door for reality checks. I have a simple rule, if I’m going to eat off what I plan for caloric intake I just try those shorts on… Well I got my legs in them and over my wide load behind at least! No chance Mr. Universe could even squeeze them to button up though…. Not even close!
I had a silly private goal I set in April… I really wanted to dress up as the old Batman (and not be laughed at) going to a Halloween cruise. I doubt even the plus size could fit… and it really wouldn’t be a superhero shape… even factoring in old Adam West didn’t have the perfect body. I might make it as the Penguin from the newer film, but that isn‘t my goal and I am not going like that… No compromises. It’s a blow of reality. Like seeing my Humpty Dumpty like pictures.
I’ve had a few Hiccups. I failed to focus on health for a month plus in the middle of this. But I got back, and even more focused. Even the past week or so my weight has been all over the park… somehow gained 3 pounds in a week then I lost 3 pounds in single a day and another 2 pounds lost in two more days. I can only attribute it to me being sick with a cold. I have no clue if I’m dehydrated or was holding fluids, different clothes or what… (I’m not starving myself) but I just take the number on scale from Oct 1st.
If I can encourage anyone here that may be a bit behind me on the scales.… I can NOT honestly say “You can do it!” (boy that’s modivation huh? But read on) Nor was it easy or in seven days! I can say I’ve come a long way… I’ve got a long way to go. If I CAN do it (I have done an over 30 pounds drop) Why CAN’T you do it too?! I have no secret drug or wacky diet. I try to be very careful watching my portions and I even have the occasional (GASP) candy bar… I had a cookie today! I don’t eat a box of them in a day though. I did at one time… I would down a whole pizza in a sitting and small leftover as a snack. If you want a trick just take a PEZ each day (Or a whole roll they are only 35 calories) and eat moderately and move…
Now is different… You bet I’m hungry sometimes… but I try to remember to tell myself that isn’t a food hunger. Food could sedate me a bit but in the end it just makes the hole bigger. I don’t even like the word “Diet” or people shoving rice cakes at me. It’s real life for me… a life long journey of food choices. I don’t even like the term “Bad” food. It’s just a thing… it has no power… A cupcake will not kill you. Notice the word “A”. I just eat a half a dozen in a day. (just seeing if you were paying attention! I just keep my intake at are 1500 calories in small meals throughout the day… if I’m in a rush I just have a granola bar or occasionally even a candy bar) There is no wagon to fall off because there is no “Diet” to stop magically when I get to some number. If I had a diet it would be the Chimichunga and diet cream soda diet. There is no magic food mixture or low carbs or low fat. Just moderation, movement, and blogging!!!
My magic workouts thus far has only been walking at just a 2 miles per hour speed (But not stopping at the first mile or 20 minutes! I keep on walking baby!!!) and swimming for 45 minutes just trying to keep moving with my cheesy dog paddling, maybe one or the other or both 4 times a week. I got a bicycle recently but I only have used it twice so far (My back and legs got to get built up for riding any distance yet).That *is* the reason I called it Foolsfitness to mock the silly fad diet industry and those silly 8 minute a day work out machines that look like a cross between medieval torcher devices and modern art sculptures.
I’ve got a long way to go still, lets walk this journey together. It’s an adventure! I won’t even settle when they let me in the “League of Extra-Ordinary Fat Men”… because it won’t be done. I think I’m in it for life. I really want a life. The world needs another superhero, and I think I can find one under all this weight in time.
I want a 9 to 5 career at the gym as a personal trainer to inspire and help others too (and keep me on track too…I can never forget that this never ends, I know I need daily reminders and renewed motivations). Like the Hobbit who wrote “There and Back” how can a guy who’s fit all his life understand what it feels to shake looking at one of those white plastic lawn chairs? Or be winded just going up a flight of stairs? That fit all his life guy has not walked into a 24 hour convience store weighing 350 pounds at 2 AM for a binge on a 2-liter soda, 2 candy bars and a pack of cupcakes. They don't know what it was like to get picked last in gym class for teams.
I want the FJ Cruiser with the Foolsfitness logo on the side and a condo along with the career at the gym. You bet I’m hungry…I’m hungry, for a life. I hope I’m more hungry for that than spending *ALL* of my days at the Chinese food buffet. (there will be *some* visits though… “moderation” is my new mantra)
Mark my words that Batman costume will be a certain next year. So will the Conan the Destroyer replica sword that will be engraved with the dates and “100 pounds lost” in time. (feel free to insert Rocky type “Eye of The Tiger” music here) Mr. T doesn’t need to pity this Fool.
I hope your hungry, can stay hungry, or can get hungry!
At Foolsfitness it’s about feeding the Hunger!- Alan
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