Thursday, May 14, 2009

I need a real friend

Where am I? Wha’ happened? Am I a fitness God among men now? I don’t think so.

Where did all these empty fast food take out bags in my car come from? Why is the scale malfunctioning?! Gaining 5 or 6 pounds can not be right… can it?

Today I visited my old friends Wendy and the Burger King. I don’t think they are really my friends, they sort of use me and lie to me while they seem to always be there for me at the time… well sort of. I think I need new friends.

My new friend, Mr. Fitness seems pretty gruff. He seems to demand I call him “Mister“. He’s actually seems to ask me, “Who’s your daddy?!” I got together with him a couple of times… we met at the gym and the park a couple of times to kick a soccer ball around. He seems harsh. Actually, he beat the living tar out of me. I thought we could be friends.

You know, this Mr. Fitness guy won’t go with me to see my other friends like Ronald either. He warns me that they are not my friends at all. I think he’s allergic to grease in food too. He doesn't seem very fun sometimes. I tried to introduce him to Whopper and he hates him… no, even loathes him!

One thing I can say for Mr. Fitness, he’s very honest. He doesn't seem to lie, like the ones who I thought who were my friends. I appreciate someone who is real like him, not ones shallow like the others. I’m hoping maybe Mr. Fitness and I got off on the wrong foot, we seem to be doing ok… I can’t help but wonder if my other friends are jealous of him. Did they kick me in the knees and my back, and then lie again like they do and blaming him for it? Who can I really trust? It feels like everyone's so mean to me. Someone beat me up at the gym. Then someone messed up the scale and my other friends point to Mr. Fitness and say, "See, he's not really your friend. We are. You're not good enough, but eat this and you'll feel better." Then they stuff me with stuff that taste pretty good, but seems to posion me. Why would real friends posion me? It makes no sense.

I just want a real friend. No, I need a real best friend.

After all being paranoid about who your “real” friends are is just the Fools Fitness way!- Alan


  1. Saying goodbye to old friends (even bad ones) is hard. But sometimes we just need to move on.

  2. Kick those friends to the curb! You need real friends like Mr. Fitness who will give it to ya straight and push you to make yourself better!

    Oh and my ex-BFF, Mickey D - now he was a REAL jerk ;P

  3. Wendy, Ronald and the King are TOXIC. They are energy vampires. They are pure evil. They will chew you up and spit you out.

  4. get rid of those friends...they are bad!! I know that they are tempting and seem cool, but they are a total waste of time!


  5. I visited Wendy last week, too. I devoured her fries so fast I barely tasted them! lol

  6. Hope you find new best friends soon. We are here for ya too.

  7. I know those bad friends all too well. Hubby keeps bringing them back to visit. Ok...I guess I do sometimes too.

    Mr. Fitness is a much better friend. He is just trying to help you live longer and be healthier. The more you hang with him, the better you will feel.

  8. Notice how all those poisonous friends are SO damn cute?? I mean please, Wendy with her pigtails and freckles, the friggin Hamburgler--FRY GUYS?? OK the King is just plain freakish, but we wont go there.
    I think its the fast food equivelent of using that cute Camel to promote smoking to lil ones before they know what hit em. We DO personify those cute greasy little fucks and subconciously consider them friends--you are totally onto something!!
    Hang out with Mr. Fitness a little more. I think he gives tough love but it tends to feel better with time...sounds a bit kinky no!?
    Get back on the health wagon, we all fall off. What counts is that we just keep going!
    Hang in there :-D

  9. A genuine best friend? Hmmm...

    It's tough to give up the greasy fries and the cheeseburgers. Eating veggies isn't really that much fun...but you can strive to be better. Every day, just a drop better than the one before...

    Mr. Fitness sounds like a terrific friend.

    "I want a Mr. Fitness NOW, Daddy!" (something Veruca Salt - from Willy Wonka -- might say).

    - Katalia

  10. Just wow.
    Some times your posts just blow me away.

  11. Once you aquire a taste for healthy stuff, you actualy prefer it. McDonalds has some nice stuff on their low fat menu, but if you can, Subway can be your best freind! :o)

    It's just like the recovering drunk that needs to stay away from his old crowd in order to stay sober. It's hard at first, but it does get easier :o)

  12. Hey where ya been? Hope things are going ok.

  13. You and I obviously have the same annoying circle of friends, Alan. I say we gang up on those evil, toxic buddies and beat the living grease out of them. Then we’ll go share a nice big frosty mug of water with Mister Fitness! ;-)



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