Levitating Children

I couldn’t help but take a picture of this odd sign in a bathroom. Why is that child floating in levitation over the table? Dark Magic my friends. (LOOK CLOSE! THAT KID IS FLOATING IN THE AIR!!!) Moreover what’s with “Baby Changing Stations” anyway? I think people should keep the babies they have and not trade them. My mind spins so odd as thoughts like these drift in somehow.

In an average day my mind tends to wonder a bit. Unfortunately usually so does my focus on eating well and in the proper amounts. There is this ice cream shop five miles out of town that has decided to do dollar cone days not only every Tuesday this summer… but now *every* day!!! I now have a sweet new mistress.

I also have an opportunity. That ice cream shop is five miles out of town and the vast majority of it is going up hill. I’m thinking if I want one of those dollar cones maybe I should ride the bicycle. I’m not even sure if I could make it there without walking half the way up those hills. Perhaps just maybe after 4 hills in I’d rethink my choices, and if I didn’t I would still come out the right way as far more than a small cone of calories would be burned. Gee, maybe that should be my summers fitness plan… ride that loop for ice cream every day. It’s a ten mile loop. Returning would almost always be coasting. By the time I would get there I’d be too tired for a cone anyway? I haven’t attempted it on bike yet… those hills are just daunting.

I have a smaller version of this now. I go for a walk for a fountain diet soda to the convenience store down the street. In the end my light workout usually is a good way to burn a few calories. Except for tonight where somehow I ended up with a donut and cinnamon roll too.

I am trying a few bike rides to get ready for the upcoming bike-a-thon. I figured out how to use the quick release on my front tires brake cable and take off the front wheel to fit it in my car… so I can get it to the biking event on May 8th. I’m riding with someone else too who I’ve adopted into the Foolsfitness team. She’s even guest posted way back. I can’t wait to get pictures… I think it will end up being a multi part series posts. This is exciting stuff. I think it might be her first Bike-a-thon too.

I’ve got a few more trips planned. The First Sat in May is “free comic book day” where comic book stores usually will give a way a comic to people just for showing up. I use to be a huge X-men (Gambit), Batman, and Green Hornet Fan. There is also a couple of neighborhood bicycle safety events I could attend. I’ve also been eying out a new air pump, but I hate spending money sometimes. It’s weird to justify the air pump. I could just pay the 75 cents or a dollar for the local petro station air pump a lot of times before paying for the cost of that foot pump. I think my mind spins sort of odd. I waste so much energy on weird thoughts.

And Remember that Foolsfitness has a center for weird thinking near you!- Alan

You Won’t Believe This! But it’s TRUE!!!

What’s Happened in the last week you may not believe… If you’ve ever seen the movie “Ferris Beuler’s Day Off” While my own life is not to the extent of his, I certainly have a bit of it and the level is increasing.

I have the blessing of waking up on a day and have an adventure pan out for me that was unplanned so many times. Sometimes I don’t know what each day will bring. I think it’s a spiritual gift from God. In the past I HAVE somehow ended up in a parade, gone to a rock concert, or even made the choice to go on a mission trip to Belize within seconds when I had woken up those mornings not having any idea what adventure was awaiting for me.

Even more adventures have happened within this last week!!! I’ll mention them of course, but first understand All of them happened as a day unfolded… not all in one day, like Ferris, yet somehow. Perhaps it’s a lesson of awareness and being open to the Spirit of God moving you… But while I do not hide my faith I’d rather not Bible thump and perhaps push people away so just let me continue with the story…

I think it’s a lesson to live life as an adventure and not give into the fear. Maybe food is perceived to be “safe”, yet it seems to rob some of us in the end with ills and short lives. Being massively overweight is a prison. It limits your ability to live life Ok, all right no more lesson pondering… what did I do this last week:

*I GOT KNIGHTED!!! That right, Perhaps I should refer to myself in third person character as Sir Foolsfitness now? Well Sir Alan is a First Degree Knight of the Knights of Columbus. Yesterday I was asked… I knew it was right within moments… For my love of the Rosary just connects me with them. So now I am part of the Order. (I feel so Jedi…)

*I WAS ON A NASCAR TRACK! Not in the bleachers, but standing ON THE TRACK and ON (in, on top of) the pit row at New Hampshire Motor Speedway!!! Right next to race officials scoring and talking with them as the held the *first* NHCC (New Hampshire Cycling Club) at the track for this year.

*I GOT an audience with the *CARDINAL* in Boston Massachusetts (U.S.A.) as they were helping him adorn his vestments for Holy Mass, and he blessed my Rosary. Not to harp on the Rosary but it’s an antique and it prays well and powerfully… I have no proof but I wonder sometimes if it is a relic. It was given to me by my sponsor when I joined the Roman Catholic Church way back when.

*I GOT skinner!!! Last week I recorded at my work a weight of about 324... That’s somehow about 6 pounds drop within a week or so!!!

*PRISON BREAK! Back to the prison of being over three hundred pounds… I still have to look at a 2xl shirt and debate slightly if it will fit (but it’s a marked improvement over the 3 and 4XL’s of before!) I still can’t look at “normal” clothes. Watching that bicycle race was all I could do. There was *NO* way I could pedal that hard for that long. Moreover I’d literally snap one of those carbon fiber bikes with my sheer mass. This is a prison. I am still in prison and it may be a time for a prison break!

I’ve got a gut feeling that as that gut goes down the adventure will go up.

At Foolsfitness we say it may be time to plan our escape from the prison, and try to never see that Warden of Fat and his Candy pushing Guards again. Say good bye to your super XL sized prison cells of sloth.
- Sir Alan Jones, Knights of Columbus, First Order.

I Got Grounded

I sadly look outside and want to go play… but I can’t. I’m grounded. At least today I’m trying to ground myself as lately my activity level has been through the roof and I really think a down day to let the body repair might be for the best. I’ve got a bicycle ride in the back of my mind to do but I’m laying low.

I think I mentioned the 13 mile bicycle ride on last Sunday. In the last week I also got to go exploring some old railroad tracks that had been converted to a walking path too. The “Northern Rail Trail” I scouted out with a friend as I wanted to check it out to judge if it was worth getting the bicycle over to it. (the pictures are of the general store front and depot. That caboose had been converted to a camper.)

We stopped a couple of times at various points, saw a wild turkey and some turkey vultures. The last point we stopped it was called “Potters Place” and it was an old train depot and general store that had been converted to a historical society museum. It was the custom in some areas back in the old days to have the post office within the country store. Sadly visiting the place off peak season it was closed and all we could do is peak in all the windows. A form of that post office was run until 1988.

In the late 1800’s the rail line had a head on crash of two locomotives, one freight and the other passenger. According to the paper, 3 or 4 people died, the locomotives were demolished, and a few more folk were hurt.

Speaking of hurt…An update on George from my last post who got hurt in a game last week. He can walk but had to take a couple of days off work and there is no chance he can play for the rest of the season as he did some kind of heel damage to himself. It was sad. He came last night to say goodbye and sat on the sidelines and heckled us good naturedly. He was in pain to really want to play as well as the foot pain.

Another wild volleyball game last night. The league is loosing players as the season progresses and I think some of them are burning out leaving early. Somehow I got traded to a team after my own lost a couple games in a row. I knew I blew a few points working as center in a row (it’s my weakest area… I serve well.) So I was feeling pretty low. Then I noticed that my old team had a eight point loosing streak without me on it!!! Then being on the new team we won the game against my old team. After that I couldn’t help but yell, “Are you rethinking the idea of trading me now!?” Ok, it was a bit unsportsmanlike but I was kind of emotionally hurt being traded off.

In the last week or so my diet has been hampered with some less than calorically miser like choices in snackage. I’ve been experimenting with making wraps as sandwiches, they rock and I think with tinkering I can make some decently filling and calorically prudent fare. Then there was the KFC, the tale of two cities. One a stop on the bicycle just out front to mock them taking a picture of the sign with Boba. However the next day some choices inside KFC that I can’t say I’m comfortable with.

A check of my weight is down 4 pounds! Apparently KFC was merciful. Lets see if I can stay downward of 330 and finally break that 300 into the 2’s… a goal that has for a long time alluded me.

AT Foolsfitness it’s time to get a workout in a bit of pleasure reading with some cheesy novels. Hey, is reading scary books is an aerobic workout? I mean your heart gets pumping and all right?- Alan

Mental Olympics

If there were such a thing as Mental Olympics I would get a gold metal in “Pondering and Planning”. Following through with them on the other hand, I wouldn’t make it on the team. I have spent so much time wondering why I would logically choose to overeat. Why on Earth would I engage in an endeavor that would take me to an early demise via Diabetes or Heart Attack? Why on Earth would I do something to my body that leaves it in such shambles that I could not fully function in life to run and jump and play and live… I still struggle with the answer.

Is it an honest addiction to food or it’s psychological comforts of pseudo safety? Is it playing it safe to live just outside normal life enough to not have to fully try and ultimately have a chance to fail? Yet in the logic it will if course unchecked lead to failure never the less. Perhaps in the modern venacular… WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?!

The current picture was in front of a KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). I couldn’t help but take the shot next to it!!! Their new sandwich called the Double Down has an advertising campaign around being so meaty that there is no room for the bun. (32 grams of fat and 540 calories! According to the LA Times) There will be no room for my buns in their booths (or my bicycle) if I ate those unchecked!!!

So the positives: current bicycle ride on Sunday, over 13 miles. Didn’t go in to KFC.

The negatives: Got home and still ate too much in other stuff… then visited KFC today, didn’t get the Double Down but more calories in other tasty goodies.

So in the end likely negated any caloric deficit in exercise with extra food, plus. The answer is beyond logic and reason. I’ve got so much exercise down I’m even over exercising but I haven’t lassoed and hog tied the terrible hunger monster. Why? WHY? It makes no sense. It’s beyond any rational sense to do so. Somehow I need to get beyond sense to understand the pull, drop the attachment to the food insanity or die in madness.

At least the fight goes on. I obviously haven’t given up. I fought head winds of 10-15 miles an hour riding my bicycle out Sunday. So strong in fact that when I stopped for a break the wind lifted my bicycle off the kick stand. My legs burned with lactic acid and tailbone with agony… then of course it being Sunday I went to evening Mass at church and God had a bit of a chuckle… you see in the Roman Catholic Church the Mass is filled with getting up, sitting down and kneeling. Or in my case wobbling, straining, and silently groaning in pain.

So why do you guys and gals over eat? I can’t make sense out of it obviously. Maybe it’s not meant to make logical sense about in the end and just needs some flat out choice that I need to get lip piercings for hoops and padlock my mouth shut, then a cattle prod to zap myself when I get within one foot of the kitchen area. How to get past this hurtle confounds me. I wonder if it’s some perceived path of least resistance and result of some basic pain avoidance and pleasure seeking? See my gold metal training in thought coming forth again?! Maybe if I can really focus on the endgame that it really is a choice between living more fully longer or living quickly and shortly.

At Foolsfitness our heads hurt. So do our tails.- Alan

The Extreme Sport of Life

The first rays of the new day washed over the landscape and filled the cracks between my blinds. This was the day when I turned the bicycle training up a notch. My most ambitious ride with my new bicycle “Boba” was planned. I looked at the clock, just after five… I decided… it was really early and was going back to bed on my day off.

Take two… it was a clear late morning, the air crisp yet warming nicely… I got the bicycle downstairs and out the door a little before noon. The ride I had planned was not only ambitious in miles, but also in difficulty as it was mapped along the hilly roads near the lake. About a mile in or so I realized I forgot to attach my speedometer so I could never “officially” clock the miles of the day. Speaking of speed, two interesting speed related things happened. The first is a gut check going down a hill without using my brakes. I can not say if it was courage or temptation of fate yet I remain unscathed thus I lean to the former.

I wildly got clocked by the police radar at 15 miles an hour. The police near my home have these machines they set up in different places around town from time to time to remind people to think about how fast they are driving. I rounded a corner and saw one ahead and couldn’t resist peddling for all I was worth to see if I could get the machine to pop up a number… it started at 13 and crept to 15mph before I flew by.

I’m starting to get concerned that I may be infected by the “bicycle geek” virus. Slowly I’ve started to get a tiny mirror on my helmet, those half gloves, and multiple water bottles to choose from as well as pannier bags on order. Someone feel free to slap me if I get one of those pointy helmets and glossy synthetic body suits!!!

As seen in the picture I made it all the way to Weirs Beach (about 6 miles or so from my house one way) I had enjoyed sitting on the benches at the beach for a bit and started the ride home. (Insert ominous music) I got about a third the way home and My bike aply named “Boba” after Boba Fett is proving it’s danger to myself and everyone around it by freaky chaos. The gooseneck on the handlebars loosened up and I had to call out for help. I didn’t dar ride it when the handlebars got sloppy. This is the second time I’ve had to be “rescued” by my kind nehbor who I have before mentioned about borrowing all her cookware for my veggie eating experiments. (If you’re following along from posts before she didn’t forget me owing her the paring knife back… If this keeps up I‘m going to have to break down and buy my own kitchen utensils!!!)
Anyhue, the bicycle shop is now literally on speed dial on my cell phone. I think I need to open a running account with them… this time I left with a nifty gadget that looks like a swiss army knife but has lots of bicycle tools in it that I can tighen up the handle bars on the go, or other minor stuff… when needed. It’s ironic that the old bicycle “blue” that costs a third of the new one never gave me any grief ever while this one is so finicky.

I’ve mentioned Volleyball before. The games I play are intense. Many people wear knee pads as they end up sliding across the floor in games. I usually go home with bloody knees myself. If anyone tells you that a 300 pound plus guy can’t be active don’t you believe them!!! But the reason I mention the games is I’d like to ask prayers for a gentleman named “George” who dove for a ball and… well… he didn’t get up so well at all. The poor guy may have just really twisted his ankle or he may have done something a bit more serious. He had to be escorted off the court and ankle iced. I’ve said a prayer for you buddy! Hope your recovering well.

We do sort of play it really hard. One of my team mates actually asked him to borrow his knee pads after he got out of the game. Ouch extended… a bit cold? I couldn’t help but think of him as some old car that the team had decided to strip for parts. It wasn’t my idea honest… but I have to admit wanting to get back playing after a few minutes.

At Foolsfitness life itself is an “extreme” sport!- Alan

1st Anniversary of Foolsfitness April 1st!!! Give-A-Way!

Foolsfitness launched officially 1 year ago today!!! We’ve celebrated by giving away a load of fat! We’ve celebrated by giving away a bit of that trundle and waddle in the walk. We’ve given away some of the wheezing out of breath going up stairs. We’ve celebrated by giving away some of the uncontrolled actions for a more controlled and conscious way of living life more fully.

The leader of Fools Fitness can now slowly jog a 5k, bike miles on end, and play a respectable night of competition volleyball, swim (well dog paddle) for an hour at a time, and fit into clothes that would be unfathomable all 1 year ago. Also the unfathomable, actually going for a couple week stretches without Chinese food buffets! Things big and small like tying my shoes without getting lightheaded or zipping up a flight of stairs without sounding like Darth Vader at the end. 80 something posts and about 90 people along for the adventure…And other great goals achieved!!! .

As for the April 1st fools on me… some of the weight has gone and come back… still the total in the end of the 1st year is 13 pounds lost. More fools prank is stopping and starting pipe smoking a couple of times. My just insane trying to nail down good nutrition thing.

I set lofty goals in my formal declaration of the war on reality one year ago. I will say I really haven’t hit a lot of them, but I have made some tangible success toward many and most of them that I’m very proud about.

I’m not sure if I could be accused of being a casual user of vegetables yet. On the other side I can’t remember the last time sitting down with a bag of cheese curls in front of the tv. I know last Sunday even near freezing I had the undeniable urge to get out and get some exercise… bicycling in the end about 11 miles. Few actors could say I am an athlete without cracking a smile, yet I know I can move unlike last year. I can do things I couldn’t one year ago. If I can consistently nail healthy and sane eating I have *NO* question in my mind of becoming an athlete… The joy and drive of exercise is there. Not Olympic athlete, but a bit of panther in the walk.

The April Fools on you? I give-a-way to you, absolutely nothing other than perhaps a laugh and somehow just possibly a bit of encouragement in your journey too. That might just be worth a little something? Maybe a bit of wisdom as a prank too? Next year at this date will be about one year from now, like it or not time doesn’t stop. You and I will be somewhere anyway… maybe we should try to push toward where we want to be.

So what’s next year. I’m an idealist and it appears I will always aim higher than I can reach. I seriously underestimated the mess my life had become in my years on earth.. Cleaning that mess up is going to take much more time and work. Yet without goals and direction we all will get nowhere fast. Here it goes:

1) merge both a decent caloric intake with also some decent nutritionally dense foods. *This is the keystone
2) continue exercise, next more structured.
3) becoming a personal trainer goal is not abandoned, just delayed. I’m a huge proponent of you must have a life with purpose to have a fulfilling life… Part of that purpose in me is becoming that personal trainer, to be a person who can relate to others having walked in their shoes and really understand things like just getting light headed tying those shoes when you are so heavy. I’m sure most of the athletes who have been healthy all of their lives that are personal trainers are well meaning and many are great at it, but walking in 350 pound shoes I think gives you a better understanding.
4) world domination, of course, is a given.

So my give-a-way to you is a red flag warning… Next year is coming ready or not it will be here in about 350 some odd days. Where do you want to be and what are you planning to get doing/continue to do, to get there?!?! Your give-a way is a warning or a reminder… here comes the future… again.

At Foolsfitness we take this moment to thank every person who has “followed” (I hate that term)… to all those who are in this journey with me together, for your support and comments. For your own blogs and sharing the journey together pulling me along in my low times and allowing me to share in your journey too!!! My other give-a-way of this post a heart felt Thank you. - Foolsfitness, Alan

Vultures Circle Around Me Overhead!

They circled overhead waiting for me to take my last gasp of air and drop… but first, Upon checking the weather this last weekend things did not bode well for a ride with Boba Fett (My Bicycle) Moreover Monday had rain in the forecast as well and the weekend started each day near freezing.

It’s odd how I’m out of balance. The nutritional wallop per calorie of my foods have jumped yet also somehow the caloric intake. My exercise has increased yet my weight has creped up. First I nail caloric eating… then loose it, then healthy eating and exercise but way too much caloric intake, yet I need the whole package at once.

Well my new kick in Bicycling involves balance, perhaps it will transcend into my diet. But back to the Vultures. Sat I got in some casual walking window shopping but Sunday I couldn’t help that urge. I have a bike a thon to train for and I need endurance. I waited for temps to hit the mid to upper thirties and bundled up for a bicycle ride. Those of you who have read my blog for any time know I do nothing “lightly”, I have the extremes of an artist. Naturally I figured I’d just do ten miles on the bike to prove I could do it and just get that psychological hurdle out of the way.

I chose the most level direction I could from my home and started peddling. Now armed with a speedometer I thrilled myself in seeing a cruising speed between 8 to 10 miles and hour. I laughed then wheezed after thirty seconds in and wondered what was wrong with my speedometer as those MPH numbers started dropping . It wasn’t the bike’s speedometer that was defective. I gritted my teeth and pressed those pedals, stopping a block after that to see if I had enough air in the tires… thinking that must be the reason for the sluggish performance. Then I realized it was… um… me.

Don’t question my will though!!! I got back on and all I focused I was just thinking going five miles away from my house… then all I needed to do was turn around and come home. Simple huh? I started out toward the outskirts of town. Near the airport there isn’t a lot of buildings. In fact it got sort of creepy quiet at cloud cover moved in. I couldn’t help but think this was just the way that those horror movies start, alone near the woods away from everyone… Then these huge birds started circling high over head above me. I wondered if they could smell the end was near for me.

Nightmares continued as winds decided to howl pushing me sideways and at 35 degrees and me sweaty massive bone jarring chills ran through me. I had to stop exhausted near a big rock to sit and rest. I kept my helmet and goggles on, if I did drop at least those birds would have to work for their meal!!! The great thing about panicking is that adrenaline does wonderful things. I decided to turn back and suddenly I was hauling at 12 MPH, then even a peak at 16! It was either panic or the fact I had the wind at my back and I was now going down a slight incline rather than fighting up a tiny slope.

Back at the safety of civilization (a mall) I took another breather, this time a lot longer clutching my water bottle like a little kid hugging their teddy bear. I was about three quarters the way home and I got to go down the “friendly” hill (I call it because it has a restaurant by that name at the top.) My new speed record downhill is 25.5 mph! I think I could have gotten past 30 put I was hard on the brakes in fear. (BTW- this is not the terror hill that feels like a cliff I mentioned some posts back… I have yet to make it up the Belnap mall hill one which was in the other direction)

So in the end… I survived climbing two small hills without stopping on either of them, 11 miles, and vultures. Now I just got to do it without 3 rest breaks and taking all day to do it.

At Foolsfitness we are masters in two wheel anarchy!- Alan