Holy Real Foods Batman!

The last fresh vegetable I had in my house was sometime last year (a spaghetti squash I actually did a blog about) I don’t recall the last fresh fruit I’ve had in my house beyond an old withered apple far back in my fridge, at least I think that was what it was… and what smelled in the fridge.

I took a Spring Challenge to eat foods that have more nutrition and tonight I am a man of action. Look closely and you will see fresh fruits and veggies, whole grain wraps, and in the front… oh, how’d that Funny Bone candy wrapper get in there?! Hey, I did get diet soda too and passed up the two for one special on the ice cream so cut me a bit of slack on the cupcake. Not a single chimichunga in that shopping trip!

I’m nuts about chimichungas and burritos so I figured I’m going to give wraps a shot. I found whole grain wraps at 160 calories a shot and cheese slices at 60, I figure a pickle slice is nada and 2 slices of extra lean ham only hits 50. Then 10 and 15 for salsa and jalapenos… that’s 295 before onions and tomatoes (what are the calories in onions and tomatoes anyway?) I encourage your ideas on keeping this interesting and roaming around the 300 calorie level. I got some kind of spray salad dressing that you can squirt ten times for 15 calories!!! Maybe I should just use that all day as a breath freshener?

Speaking of roaming… My scouting mission into the fruit and veggie aisle was like walking into an alien land (like I mentioned in that Alien Pod post last year) I finally figured out that they have little bag dispensers to put the produce in. Some food frightened and confused me. I thought a “leek” was what happens to a bad water pipe, and don’t have the slightest clue was a parsnip is. Are you suppose to eat parsley? I couldn’t believe they sold grass named after that kid from the little rascals too.

As I set out all this food on my futon to take a picture to prove I actually have REAL food I think I seriously messed up my cat. In all of her indoor life I’m not sure if she’s ever smelled things like fresh broccoli and strawberries in my house.

The last thing is when I got home I realized I actually don’t own a steak knife to cut up onions or tomatoes with. (don’t laugh! Some bachelors are that way!) I begged a understanding neibor… and she gave in on a loan of one with the promise to get it back as it’s part of a set. I tried to convince her to part with it, maybe she’ll forget she let me borrow it. She also reluctantly gave me a pot to cook the veggies in and I can keep that. It’s really not the most odd things I’ve asked to borrow by far.

At Foolsfitness it’s usually strange and bizarre yet ironically with not so much exaggeration as you might think!-Alan

That Hill

Armed with my new bicycle complete with seven gears I gave that hill the stare of a gunslinger saying… “look buddy, it’s you or me and I came ready!!!” I’d like to formally introduce you to my new bicycle I have named “Boba” after the bounty hunter Boba Fett in Star Wars… Why? Well firstly it’s a danger to everyone around him, including myself. And I’m gaining gadgets as we speak from racks to water bottle and bell. I even mounted a boba fett bobble head figure on the handlebars.

Back to the hill. This time I came prepared and I meant business. Well, last time I meant business too… but I digress. I approached the hill and downshifted, and then again. As the incline reached to cliff face steep I was determined like Charlie Brown in kicking that football. I went to downshift some more as I gasped for air. Oh no!!! I don’t have any gears left to downshift as I hit 1st and I was tiring at ¾ the way up the hill. I started my little train that could mantra, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!” Then reality hit as those pedals started feeling like I was leg pressing a tyrannosaurus rex. I stopped.

After gathering wind… maybe only 20 minutes or so… I started pedaling again. I made it up the hill the rest of the way. I wasn’t going to walk it out. Just from of sheer gut check arrogance. Next time you evil hill I’ll make it without stopping!!!

There was a wild moment in the bicycle ride though. (not that getting out and riding isn’t an accomplishment in itself) back on level ground coming home I saw two teenagers on BMX style bicycles ahead of me. I hit a higher gear and completely smoked them!!! I just nodded to one as I flew by and I’m almost positive one nodded back in appreciation over the speed I was pulling. They actually disappeared behind me in short order. Oh how I relished in that moment!!!

I wanted to mention reading one of the most moving and powerful posts I have *EVER* read on another persons blog. I seriously encourage you to check this out :

http://chrislivessimple.blogspot.com/2010/03/because-this-is-serious.html

If you want a powerful image, if that won’t stir you… I don’t know what will. I’m haunted by it, chills running up my spine as it hit such a chord of truth in the visualization. Whoa. If you don’t take the time to read that link I think you are missing out on something that might give you new resolve in your fitness journey.

And Remember that at Foolsfitness the Boba Bicycle is a force of chaos not easily ignored!!!- Alan

Spring Challenge!

Spring is here! Well... if you live in the U.S.A. With natures fresh new start maybe it's time for our fresh new start too???

There is a neat challenge at:

http://lorettasjourney.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-223-new-spring-challenge-wanna-join.html

That involves 13 weeks of trying to focus on better nutritional choices and a pledge to try to get a little movement in each day. Normally I tend to avoid the “challenges” circuit because I am concerned in building my fitness not around an end goal but this seems like a wonderful “spring” board to get me back on track after soooooo long of a funk.

Moreover you folk who have read my blog at all will know my nutritional choices need a bit of improvement as my diet is primarily chimichungas and granola bars with a smattering of Chinese food. Her “spring” challenge has a tigger mascot, but being a rebel and also a huge Eeyore fan I had to do my version.

I’ve stepped up my bicycling and have finally got a new bicycle to replace my single speed cruiser that I now gave to a friend.… my new bicycle is a 2009 Raleigh venture I bought as last years model for a sweet discount. I spend yesterday trying to get pannier (saddle) bags for the rear rack to no avail. I hit 4 local shops and no one has any in stock except one and they wanted 80 dollars. I hate to avoid shopping local for the on-line choice but I may give in this time. I didn’t pay eighty dollars for my old bicycle I just retired!!!


At Foolsfitness Eeyore will be bringing up the rear in Loretta’s Spring Challenge!!!- Alan

Doing the Impossible Still Impossible

When I was in high school it seemed liked each year at some point they had some sort of President’s Fitness Challenge. If you could pull off the required number of sit ups, push-ups and other forms of torture that would win you a patch. Oh how I wanted that patch. I’ve always been fairly active but also weighed way too much for any seriously skinny people endeavor like sprinting or running with any respectable time.

It seems like an oxymoron, for if you do it… well, it’s possible isn’t it? In the life of someone who’s got a lot of excess weight there are some “simple” things that for more average weight folk are just not simple at all. Sliding into a booth at a restaurant, tying your shoes, finding clothes that fit… aren’t hideous… and don’t cost six times more than they should.

My level of activity seems make my weight a bit of an illusion in some areas. A 300 pound plus guy with a normal blood pressure always seems to confound the doctor. During High school I think only one thing held me back from that illusive “presidential fitness patch”. Lets just say you find a kid who weighs the kind of weight I did doing pull-ups.

But the gym teacher had a plan for me. He said each day to just come in and “hang” on the bar. I’d develop my arms eventually to be able to do a pull-up. That’s right dear readers I couldn’t do a single pull up, never mind the 6 or 7 needed to get the patch. So hearing the Rocky music in my imagination I went time after time to “hang” on the bar. I pulled and pulled… and at the end of the year… GUESS WHAT… absolutely nothing. No sheer will could moved that mountain of flesh vertically upward. Some of you that remember it can now insert the agony of defeat image they used to play on tv years ago where you saw that poor skier tumbling and smashing down the mountain.

But guess what… I still can’t do a pull-up. Not the expected story you geared yourself up for is it?

Sure, there is a story I’m building up to here. The other day I went for a swim at the local gym pool. There was a ton of people in the pool and I looked at crossing two lanes and worming my way by a half dozen kids to the ladder to climb out after my swim. Then I saw another swimmer just casually lift herself up by the arms on an edge to sit and then pop up. I have never done that in my entire life either.

I don’t know what came over me, the lunacy of the idea being un-impossible or merely the fact I wanted to avoid the section of all those kids but I went to the edge of the pool and did my best positive thinking secret envisioning of me repeating that. Then… I popped and rolled and yanked and wallowed and frankly felt like a beached whale. But I did somehow crawl my way out of the pool without a ladder. It wasn’t pretty or graceful but it happened. Is there a patch for getting out of the pool without a ladder? There should be.

Next goal is building up the bike riding skills enough to do some multi-mileage touring.

And don’t forget that at Foolsfitness we have personal trainers that specialize in shoes tying and in booth fitting into.- Alan

I’m One Bad Biker, Actually Really Bad So Far

So I broke out my trusty bicycle once again. This time there was a hill involved in my peddling adventure! Before I get to the up’s and downs of the hill perhaps I should mention my trusty aluminum steed. It takes a real man to ride a girls bike… or perhaps a guy who’s real short on cash and it was the one on the best sale last fall.

I’m a rocket… ok, at least the “Rock” part of it if anyone has followed the blog since last year I’ve mentioned this is a classic bike with two speeds… slow and stop. But it’s got great wide whitewall tires. It’s a bit art deco retro. I hooked up a makeshift basket to the handlebars… it’s a soft lunch pail cooler I got at the thrift store for a dollar and a half. It’s large enough to put my lock in and some small items. I’ve learned today to zip the cover. I started rolling down previously mentioned hill. Lets just say that something weighing over 300 pounds gets trucking by gravity pretty darn well down a hill. As I reached supersonic and heard that sonic boom my eyes were tearing and face pushed back from all the G forces. Then I realized it wasn’t a sonic boom at all but my stuff at been ripped out of the basket at that ungodly speed. I was actually part pleased to slowdown and stop to get that junk anyway, I don’t think those bicycles were designed for that speed anyway… I had sort of a death wobble as I hit Mach one.

Note to self: get one of those cool drag racer car parachutes to release behind the bike in stopping after hills.

Going “up” the hill… well first I tried a bit, then two kids passed me, one on a tricycle and the other in one of those battery powered toy cars. But I swear, it must have been super modified by some racing savvy dad. Well, I exaggerate a bit. I was sort of near stopped. I looked at the rest of the hill and decided the best thing was to get off the bicycle and walk it up the hill.

Near the top of the hill must have been the mother of those kids. She was pushing a stroller. It was just like NASCAR, I knew this was my chance… once I was on level ground I peddled my heart out once more… she’d pulled away from me a bit… but I was finally able to ride up right behind her and use that fancy Stockcar racing drafting trick to blow by her doing at least maybe 3 miles and hour. All right again… to be honest I think she stopped and was looking at this huge guy huffing, drenched in sweat and perhaps pondering the bizarreness of the scene.

Then I made a pit stop. I figure if I’m a racer that’s important. Unfortunately I ended up with three candy bars… likely overfilling my “tank” that I just burned off.

Still just waking up, after passing out on my futon when I got home, and writing this… I first enjoyed that euphoric endorphin high from a serious workout… then realized I’d need a few minutes to manage convincing my sore and beaten body to crawl to the floor and eventually to the computer chair and pull myself up into it. Oh, yeah… I’m one bad biker now!!! Bad to the bone! At least to the tail bone.

Another note to self: Save money to get one of those cools bike bells that goes "ching ching ching"!

At Foolsfitness we endorse those cool little streamer things on the grips of your bike and also putting a baseball card in the spokes to get that cool tick tic tic sound!!!- Alan

My First Triathlon!

In the spirit of the recent winter Olympic games I’ve done my own triathlon! Well, to be specific I’ve only taken my bicycle out twice this week for about 3 miles or so each time. My swimming consisted of my manly dog paddling for an hour at the local gym. I’ve done some walking… technically my only run consisted in a fast trundle across the road a couple of times avoiding traffic. Oh, I guess there is the small detail that the whole thing didn’t happen at once but over a week…

BUT OTHER THAN THAT it was just like a triathlon! Sort of.

My eating is way WAY off. I seem to be gaining all the weight I’ve fought off back on. I’m starting to wonder if it has to do with all the soda, candy, and second or third helpings.

That being said, I’m nearing the one year anniversary of Foolsfitness that will “officially” be celebrated on April first of course being April Fools Day!!! I can’t help but look back and see over this year I have lost weight… but it’s gone far beyond that. I’ve made massive progress in decluttering my life. My house, while not finished, is more organized and clean. I’ve looked at the “fat” in a lot of my life and have done things like invested time more wisely… reading more and doing more art. I’ve even noticed that I’ve curbed some of the impulse buys. Bicycling, swimming, even trucking along for 5k’s at a reasonable pace beyond strolling.

So I’ve made several “commando” raids into a healthy life… several successful “scouting” missions, even including organizing a group to learn more about nutrition and raise money for a local charity. I’ve even eaten a few vegetables!

So as April Fools Day rolls up I need to deeply ask myself is this a game or am I going to stop “fooling around” with Foolsfitness and start building the Empire. Am I a thorn in the side of my “deer in the headlights self” or seriously pledge my allegiance to “Mr. Determination Alan” that visits from time to time? He’s proven he can do a lot. He’s taught me to restraint impulse a bit, not out of deprivation but out of wanting something greater.

Recently Sean Anderson talked about a 365 day challenge where you invest in yourself. He's right in it can't be a choice for a day or a week or a month... that's just the start. In fact it's beyond 365... or rather all of 365... No excuses... plain honest... the way it is and what you want and the gut check to pursue it. I have a lot of respect for his iron curtain or steel wall or diamond plate chain mail where he’s really made the final choice of trying to seriously make consistent good choices.


I know I like having clothes that fit better. I know I’d like to be able to go into a “normal” sized area of a store and get something that has some fashion to it. Not that I’m a diva (can guys even be divas?) but I do appreciate style. I know I see goals I’d like to do… but the question falls simply to are they worth the work at the shot. What’s the value of that pseudo safe cupcake?

If Fools Fitness is the village idiot, perhaps he can ultimately be the kind like Cyrano de Bergerac? I seem to have this incessant need to pick a fight with the universe in general anyway. Trying to look around it doesn’t appear I’ve got anything better to do anyway. Besides that I really think the world needs another superhero and may I humbly state I look good in a cape.

Tomorrow I make another supply run for V8 Juice and my trusty chimichungas.

At Foolsfitness we want you to celebrate April first proper… don’t forget to have a bit of Chinese Food or a chimichunga for Alan!

Questions, Movies, + Endorsements… Oh My!

I’d like to officially endorse Foolsfitness non-endorsing stance but first…

If you were a character in a movie who would it be? Is it the character you want to be in the movie you want to be? There have been moments in my life that I’ve had the blessing to have almost lived “Ferris Bueller's Day Off “ I‘ve actually woken up in the morning and somehow ended up in a parade or rock concert out of the blue.… Where everything got bigger than life and nothing could go wrong.

Sometimes I feel like Frodo in The Lord of the Rings. Going on this walk forever, to rid myself of this burden… that dumb ring that weighs so much and I can‘t get rid of it. Sometimes it feels a bit like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz has sent her flying monkeys after me. I’ve had a bit of “you’ve got mail” but not the cool ending. I may have lived a bit of “Napoleon Dynamite” as a kid.

I wonder if lots of us feel like we are in those movies of epic quests and journeys, be it Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, or Lord of the Rings.

If I could pick a character… I’d be tempted to pick Richard Simmons. Technically he’s not a “character” but if I could tone down the sequin shirts thing a bit he seems to rock. I don’t think there is a “Rocky” or much of a “Rambo” in me. I’m more the old Obi-wan Kenobi who meets up with Luke sky walker in the original 1977 era movie, and frankly while most kids relate to Luke or want to be Han Solo I’m aiming for the Ideal of that old wise Jedi. Still many days I feel like it’s a bit of Monty Python. Sometimes it isn’t so bad though… I’m never “bored” I never really understood how people can be. Maybe that’s the blessing of being an artist… but I digress.

*So who are you in what movie and who would you like to be (if different?)*

Now to “endorsements”. In a recent comment section someone seems to be plugging some kind of Smurf berry juice that probably is touted to solve all your problems including lightening the weight of your wallet. This was the second time it would appear that the “comment” was just a way to steal ad space. I guess I’m complimented in a way that they think I have enough readers to warrant trying to get a name up. The sad part is they may not have taken the time to look at my “Fools Fitness Fellowship Pledge” on the right hand row that I am in no way a fan of magic potions, 5 minute workout machines, and all that gimmicky stuff.

Still, as of yet I have never deleted a comment and I appreciate comments. I even like comments that are constructive criticism. I do endorse free speech even if I think something someone says is off the line crazy. Because if I start playing the “I’m offended” Politically correct game and censer then everyone else gets offended and starts the same and eventually none of us can say anything at all. If I have to set a rule… and thus far it’s never happened… I’d be concerned with excessive harsh language if there may be a chance that younger viewers may also bump into the place.

Now that I know the Power that Fools Fitness wields in endorsement I guess I should endorse something beyond my “power of the plate” rule in that you have the ability to either put on or remove from the contents of your plate.

So I endorse… Blue skies with those puffy white clouds that can be in the shape of animals. I guess I’m guilty by association of endorsing Chinese Food as well?

At Foolsfitness we want your endorsement of you!!!- Alan