Sick + Twisted Madness

There it is… I can’t say what came over me. I don’t think you can claim I’m a user, but I am “experimenting” with the salad thing. This is the 1st salad I think I may have eaten in I don’t know how long!

I approached the salad bar cautiously as the produce stocking kids watched in amazement for in the end there isn’t even any salad dressing on this stuff. I had no real idea how to proceed making an actual salad… you see in my very few experiences long ago the general plan was just to load it with as much gooeyness and drench it with as much salad dressing as possible.

Another amazing picture…

I’ll grant you there is some crunchiness and lots of color in this stuff. My basic plan was to take just a tiny little of everything… I suddenly realized how sick and twisted this idea was… It was my plan at the Chinese Food Buffet place yet scaled down to near sanity in reasonable portion sizes. Freaky times my friends… freaky times… After the whole bizarre trip I got so scared so I got a candy bar later to clear that taste out of my mouth. (OK it’s not that bad) but I ate little green tree things and leaves I mean come on!

You should have seen the odd looks I got as I took the container out in the parkking lot of the supermarket and took a picture of it on the hood of my car.

I saw 299.5 on the scales at work today… maybe a touch dehydrated but that’s with shoes and all, and I’m counting it. Of course even in a day my weight can shift up to 4 pounds… but still having the number 200 something even if it’s 299 seems like something monumentally less than even just 301.

At Foolsfitness we are not sold on the salad thing yet… but might experiment again- Alan

Shopping Adventure Part II

Here are the Emperor’s new clothes… comfortable enough to wear a day, 1st time in a very long time wearing an XL shirt without a number in front of it. Those shorts 8 inches less than a year an a half ago from a 54 to a 48! Next it’s time to loose that egg shape and get them to look right on me… I can’t get too comfortable into that dangerous “Breather Syndrome” that someone told me about where I forget where I want to go and loose focus on the choices I am making… So it’s time to get work on getting rid of that glazed donut look around the middle!

Speaking of glazed donuts, this picture was taken in front of a wall next to a local Duncan Donuts. Before that I had walked in the place and stood just out of line for a good minute or two… seeing those racks filled with all that baked and puffy goodness. The Butternut Crunch tried to call to me, we had been very close friends in the past but I pretended not to hear. Everything Bagel tried to tempt me with some cream cheese too.

I finally got in line and I asked the woman behind the counter if they had a nutritional sheet I could have… It was a riot, the woman looked at me so confused… I think she may have been mentally trying to figure out what other donut shops they could call on to restock their shelves after I had ordered.

After a moment she stumbled out the words, “You could get them on the internet.” Then I think I gave her a complete mental shut down as I just tilted my head and said, “Thank you” turned around and just left. Not a single donut in hand. A couple of years ago it would have been at least two and a large ice coffee with double sugars and maybe even cream in the coffee. That was so fun!

(In other news…) Sean Anderson is encouraging people to drink more water… Foolsfitness is giving a thumbs up to the whole water idea in general. Fools Fitness even got the picture to prove it!!! We try to drink some daily… We even shower with the stuff ! A great story that came with this shot is immediately after a friend took the picture it started to sprinkle, then it started raining harder and harder. My impulse was to get back to the car, not that I cared much about being wet but I wanted my camera dry.

In the car I asked “Where’s the water jug?“ In my haste picking up my shoes I had forgotten the 5 gallon jug on the beach. It was down pour raining, but I shrugged to my fate and ran to get it. Look closely at that last sentence… see the word *RAN*? I had this weird epiphany half way through ,”Wait? I’m running…a distance?!” I got back to the car and gleefully giggle, “Did you see it… I *RAN*!” to the friend almost like a little kid says “Look momma! Look what I can do!” Let’s just say maybe it’s not a big deal for some folk…(and apparently not that person from that look of “so what?“ I got back) But if you can not remember the last time that you really sprinted, at least not vividly that feeling of flying, almost like there just be that slightest chance that you take one more step and just might float into the air… it’s like a little kid who finally takes those training wheels off their bicycle. I can run! Well, at least for a little bit…

It’s surreal… I guess I had this mental block telling myself “I don’t run” (which was very likely true for a very long time) but somehow I finally forgot to remind myself. I didn’t plan it and didn’t think about it and then it was almost like looking in as third person… hey, you know your running here, right? Maybe that’s why Foolsfitness sometimes refers to himself in third person…That surreal thing, then there is the world domination evil mastermind thing, and hopefully it also may impress the ladies too. (By the way ladies, yes that guy in the pictures above is single… commence swooning.)

At Fools Fitness we refer to ourselves at times in third person because… well…we’ve just got too much arrogance to fit into first person sometimes! -Alan

Worship at the Sixteen Hundred Calorie Chapel

I drew this very early this morning after watching a DVD movie that someone very dear to my heart bought me as a gift. Sometimes it seems like lately I've been worshiping the god of the fast food chapels.

Below is a pic of the flat on my Raliegh Venture bicycle "Boba"... what can I say, some times it's just hard to get out of bed... and then away from the kitchen, or the fast food joints, or the ice cream...


One more cola, a bit more ice cream, and a couple of cupcakes and I'll be ok...

At Foolsfitness we feel like the girl in the Wizard of OZ... once the tornado stops we will be ok. (Oh wait... then there is all those munchkins of the lollipop guild, yum!) **Put the candy down slowly sir and step away**- Alan

Breaking News

We interrupt this normal blog posting to share with you this breaking news. I’ve finally beaten back the weight enough to see the scale read under 300! That’s 299 and something. For soooo long all I got was EEEEE or OL for overload on that home scale… now it actually identifies me as a person!!! Once I got my home scale to function I went weigh crazy, weighing with and without shoes, trying on different clothes, after I went to the bathroom, or took a drink. That number was with wearing my cross. (yes fill in the blank there)

Then within a week naturally I switched to my Dr. Evil super villian self complete with the evil laugh and world domination plans thinking I’m invincible… little extras without regard, and the next "breaking" news… about 7 pounds gained in about seven days (currently 307)!!! I think that breaks a record for me for most gained in that period of time.

Those clothes I mentioned buying in the last post I went crazy with them too. First wearing them to work. Then going out. Then around the house... basically until they smelled just plain bad. I just couldn't wrap my mind around wearing them somehow and kept on trying them back on. (then I was so giddy with it I completely forgot to take a picture of me wearing them to boot)

The last bit of current "breaking" news… my bicycle "Boba", her back tire, punctured not once but in two places by glass today. So I’m stranded about 5 miles out from home looking at a very long walk… and the friendly state trooper policeman (who also enjoys riding bicycles) sees me in my plight and offers me a lift home so I can get my car to come back and rescue my poor Raleigh bicycle. I've named that bicycle well... My "Boba Fett" bicycle seems to be just the essence of chaos.

As I’ve mentioned before I have the bicycle repair shop on speed dial. I got it repaired with a new tube, but I asked them to walk me through repairing it… next time I’m not going to be stranded but can fix it on the go as needed. (well after next paycheck when I can get a another spare tube and a portable air pump)

I guess the current breaking news is that I'm sort of on overload. Some of it very good too. But I guess somehow it seems like a lot at once. Have any of you folks who have lost weight, did you go somehow temperarily insane by it?

We now return you to your normal foolsfitness blog posts.- Alan

Transformations + Shopping Adventure (Part I)

This was the day. I had thought about this trip for a while, a long while. My palms sweated as I grasp the steering wheel and put the car in gear. Driving to this fate my heart raced. I needed a plan, but an undertaking like this I don’t really have a reference for. I had to count on my quick wit and raw basic survival instincts if I had any chance to make it.

I thought of some kind of military movement, scout the area… move in from the side slowly, keep a keen eye on the lookout for any movement. I had walked slowly into the department store and eased my way toward the clothing section. The guard, the “can I help you find something” person seemed to make about 5 minute loops. I needed perfect timing, else I knew I’d be shuffled off into the big men’s section area that contained sweat pants and plain cotton tees in 3 and 4XLS. It was a place they were trained to herd guys like me.

I knew that section well. It’s the bad lands area where they charge some cruel sort of tax of another 2 dollars because you’re big. I had tried to rationalize it in the past with reason of the garments just using more fabrics but deep down I know it’s a punishment, the big guy tax. Moreover it’s a punishment because there is no clothes of any fashion at all… just some kind of single color prison garbs.

I slowly moved quietly into a corner of clothes that had emblems, patterns, even logos and cartoons on them. My eyes were stunned by a mosaic of colors, I just stood there for 10 minutes. I actually had a choice. Eventually a woman stood beside me looking at character tee shirts and gave me a warm smile, almost to say, “It’s ok… you’re welcome here.” Did she know? Was she a guardian angel who knew me over 40 pounds heavier? I took a cleansing breath and tried not to tremble.

I cautiously reached for a pair of cargo shorts, the biggest they had on a normal rack. The last time I wore something like this was when I was a kid. I remember years ago I had just given up on this section of clothing all together as any hope to find something in my size was just futile. Now I had to go to the dressing room to try this thing on. There was no way around it. I had to ring that attendant bell that makes everyone in the store within 50 yards look at you. Inside that room I changed into those shorts, and just sort of pulled them up and buttoned them. I looked into the full length mirror on the door just stunned. I sat down on the stool in there and just looked at this image of a guy that I guess was me for a very long time. It was so long I’m pretty sure that the woman gave me an odd but just momentary sideways glance when I left the changing room.

I kept looking at those small, so tiny, cargo shorts as I walked stunned with this glazed expression on my face back toward the men‘s section… they looked somehow so small that they could not have a chance to fit me. Yet this trip down the twilight zone wasn’t done… I promised myself I’d get a shirt too.

Once more I stood in front of clothes. I loathed that 2 dollar big men’s tax and somehow out of sheer anger I grabbed an XL shirt. I’d make it fit! I’d inhale for all my worth! That shirt would stretch before my sheer will until the seams would give in!!! Again I returned to the dressing room. Luckily I didn’t have to ring the bell again. I scooted in before she even saw the shirt I chose, because I knew she’d take it away from me for my devious plans of shirt abuse were afoot. Then I… um… put it on. I could breathe somehow! I could sit. It even seemed to have a tiny bit of stretch left in it? Again I sat in that room and starred into the mirror. An XL fit? Surely it was a big XL, a gift of the Gods, but even so it was an XL. I checked the size again… there was no number in front of the XL. Moreover… NO big men’s 2 dollar tax came with this shirt. The shorts still came with that loathsome tax but the shirt did not.

Before I left I went other places in that store… then I wonder If I was abducted by aliens again as somehow I had spent 2 ½ hours there, or couldn’t account for the lost time as I was on some spaceship… but in *PART II* the story continues with this odd adventure wondering the store that ends at home with trying something else purely impossible… and also picture of me in my NEW CLOTHES!

(The pictures I found were of over a few years I think the oldest was about 4-5 years back, the newest within a month)

At Foolsfitness we hate the dressing room bell you need to ring!- Alan

1360 Calories under 5 Bucks

How’s this for a goof up? I go for a long walk and I’m famished hungry, delirious from heat exhaustion, about to pass out from dehydration (aren‘t I great with excuses!) … I stop in to McD’s and get a double cheese burger, mcchicken, small fry, and a sundae… Under 5 bucks and over 1300 calories!!! Add a couple of ketchups and any fudge factor in their numbers and it’s easily over 1400.

Before I continue with the story : I haven’t posted in a while due to here being in a massive heat wave mostly. As I work a lot outside, my main focus after work is to just go to bed next to my air conditioner. I haven’t rode my bicycle in over a week due to this heavy heat and humidity, that looks like it will carry pretty much through this upcoming weekend at least. On a positive note though, I’ve tried to substitute some swimming at the lake in to just cool off and also get in a little movement. I’ve also had a art job doing a family crest coloring job to put on tote bags, and when I’m on the computer lately it’s been all art.

But back to my story of walking through the vast wastelands of heat and humidity. Luckily it was a long walk, and considering me not eating anything else for the afternoon and night, after I add in breakfast and a snack before I’m tipping easily over a normal dietary requirement of calories for a total day! Can you believe 1360 calories in a couple of sandwiches, tiny fry, and small sundae! I tried to adjust the best I could with what I had done but the “power of the plate” and what I choose to put on it or remove from it… Well, Can I blame that evil clown and his dark powers? I could have eaten 3 candy bars and had less calories!

I could have done this waaaaayyyy better with switching to a yogurt parfait without granola and single cheeseburger to bleed off over 300 calories in just that. Ironically the fries were the least of the calories in the meal. Of course I could have tweaked it further with holding the mayo… or one of the items all together. Wait! Can I blame that wonderful menu board lit with such colorful pictures of all that beautiful bounty to behold? They have some subliminal flicker in it that renders everyone helpless, a slave to any whim of hunger… right?

You’ve at least got to cut me a bit of credit of being aware of what I had chosen (at least after) and not just shrugging my shoulders or not paying it any mind at all like the old Alan. I even tried to adjust the day around it the best I was able to. I did NOT order a regular coke and can’t remember exactly the last time I did. Still, I could have gone with a big mac and large fry and still been under that 1360!

I shudder just watching someone dumping sugar and cream into their ice coffee now, but I’ve still got to learn to eat out well. I can now boast seeing 300.5 on the scales (soooo close to that 299 mark!) yet I’ve still got to see how well I can learn to navigate real world conditions eating out rather than at home making my own meal.

A recently friends invited me to a local ice cream shop. While I chose small, perhaps I should next time substitute frozen yogurt for the ice cream. Again, that small awareness can make a small tweak a huge difference in calories.

Maybe I should still carry around a granola bar to stave off rabid hunger in the future. I’ve got out of that habit but in the past it seems to have served me well. Also, of course, to remember this and learn from it to keep my goals in parallel not perpendicular to my choices in the future.

At Foolsfitness we have progressed toward goals with buying 34 bags of M+M’s yesterday… insane? Actually is it? One normal sized serving bag of the new pretzel kind of M+M’s falls in at 150 calories, which I actually think of as a good snack choice. I’m also looking into some frozen yogurts that literally could be the difference of nearly a thousand calories off a Ben + Jerry’s Ice Cream container of similar size!

In the end I actually think of it as a victory. I hugely failed caloric wise, but I’m aware of it and learning (Hopefully) Actually I have a bunch more of wonderful news to share… but alas this is getting to be a long post so I guess it should wait till next time…

I hate that overused phrase “lifestyle changes” but it really seems to me like I’m having to totally deconstruct the old ways and having to learn everything all over again. I don’t think things like the Chinese Buffet really have the same pull at all now, as it‘s not just me pulling back (I think that tug of war would be just a “diet“) but trying to set out pushing in a whole new direction. Although I do still like their ice cream! But still, walking away after one plate and some ice cream… I’d find that difficult to envision a couple of years ago.

At Foolsfitness we are babies taking their first steps.- Alan

Twilight: Eclipse, Are We Food Vampires?

I am of 2 minds when it came to this series. One me could barely get through the first two books and movies (I can only hear about how this girl Bella swoons over this guy so many times before my eyes glaze over) Yet I’m fascinated by the pull of the story for so many and enjoyed Eclipse (the movie and book) far more than the first 2. Naturally I can’t help but poke fun in that idea of domesticating vampires and naturally mock “sparkly!” as the guy twitters in the sunlight.

Back to a fascinating idea though, The series is written from the point of view of the girl Bella. The author just published a book in the story from another vampire character’s point of view. “Bree Tanner” gets a few minutes in the film and a few pages in the book Eclipse, But in this short book “The short life of bree tanner” you get the story told from her point of view through her eyes.

What does this have to do with weight loss and getting fit you may be asking yourself? I think about how throughout all of this Bella and Bree (and everyone else) is making choices. Some of them are tough choices. Most of them have consequences.

What’s the draw about Vampires that fascinates us? As I read that “short life of bree tanner” I can’t help but think of how these “newborn” vampires are almost slaves to their drive and whom for more blood almost in a frenzy. It has such a power over them. Even the “cool” Cullen clan has to fight those urges to stay in control, to make the right choices.

I’m hesitant to talk about things in terms of “food addiction” yet if there is some truth to it, no question to the facts that hunger drives us and eating literally alters our chemical balance, We seem to be put in a very dangerous position too. Consider we must “feed” or we will starve. We couldn’t be an alcoholic that chooses to never drink again. We need to learn such control. If we give in to all the eating frenzy we could kill… ourselves.

Are we Food Vampires? Do I somehow loose a bit of my humanity attacking the half gallon ice cream or bag of donuts? Boy, for me it takes a lot of the shine of coolness of vampires off and now it’s like reading those two books and seeing it though another character’s eyes… this time it’s almost an affliction, even food could easily be a poison in excess unchecked uncontrolled as well as a necessary needed cure for hunger...

At Foolsfitness it’s time to feed. Yet I need to learn a new way… sort of the Cullen way to food. To sedate that hunger without loosing myself in the process -Alan