Saturday, May 7, 2011

Things That Fit, But A Mind That Doesn't

There are some things in life that you can not appreciate, or perhaps even fully realize that are out there until you experience them... like a BBQ grill in the shape of a pig! I gained a good chunk of weight over the winter, but am working very hard and shedding it quickly. My clothes once again are starting to get “breathing room” in them. I tried on my skinny guy shorts (the smallest pair I own) the other day, and they are at the point of near wearability. I can button and zip them up but they are not quite at the point of being comfortable. . I’m starting to eye XL shirts again. Not really ready fully comfortable ready yet either, but I can jam myself into some of them. One of my friends mentioned about how her ring fit different as her weight changed and I got a kick out of putting on my old college ring again. One serious shaking and it goes flying off.

So I got a new experience today. Picture three parking spaces beside one another. I pull my car in the middle one, there is a car on both sides. The spot was just a bit “mind the door” tight but I got out with minimal effort and walked over and I started talking to a guy in the spot next to me who has an old truck next to my passenger side. I like antiques so we get talking… now next to my drivers side a woman who is a passenger of the other car gets beside her and my car and says loudly, “How am I suppose to get in there!”

I heard this and step to the side saying, “Oh, did I not park in the lines?” I was going to move but realized I wasn’t out of my space, neither they theirs, we were both in our respective spots… I guess they just are small parking spaces. Now the guy in the old truck suggested she just wait for the driver to back out of the spot first before she got in. Never underestimate the power of the practical wisdom of an old farmer.

She sort of grumbled but they figured it out in short order. As they pulled away I shrugged looking back at the farmer guy in the old truck and said, “I got out of my car ok?” sort of earnestly puzzled as it was snug but I didn’t think the thing was really impossible or even really difficult beyond just being careful not to ding their door. If I had gotten out how couldn’t she have gotten in? It didn’t make sense.

Now the thing that made my day… the old guy shrugged and without the slightest hint of sarcasm says, ”Well, she’s bigger than you.” Just a very simple, matter of fact, obvious explanation that makes perfect sense said only like an old farmer in an old pick up truck can. He said it so off the cuff and moved on like it was nothing, I was so truly blindsided by it. I almost stumbled away. I’m starting to bump into people who weigh more than I do now. No offense to them… hey I’ve been to the point where I think a 350lb doctors scale would not have covered it at one point… but now somehow there are people that are bigger than me?

It sort of made my day in one way, yet perplexed me and threw me off the whole day to no end. Perhaps some of you out there can understand? There are times where I think my self image goes to both ends of the spectrum. I honestly don’t think I can “really” see myself much at all. Whether I’m blocking it or twisting a perception, I really am blind when I see myself in a mirror… up or down. Had you honestly asked me about that woman I wouldn’t have thought of her as big, never mind bigger than me.

Even when I get on a scale. Naturally I like those numbers going down and all but somehow they don’t seem real. The only times I really seem to pick up on my changing form are occasionally I’ll be lying in bed and somehow brush an elbow or something and it feels sort of alien, I guess because part of it sort of isn’t there. The other times is in bicycling, the first couple of times I make a new hill without stopping… or suddenly notice I’m in a higher gear than what I’ve been using.

This happened once before with finding my wrist bones. I remember it was such an odd experience I actually questioned if I broke something at the time. There are times when my mind doesn’t fit. It works the other way too. The other night I really wanted to keep riding my bicycle, yet my body just couldn’t do any more miles… my body just wouldn’t “go” as much as I wanted to and tried to.

So much for the mind/body connection? Both of them have to check their day planner first before getting together?

At Foolsfitness we wonder how much Ego can we cram in a smaller body?

1 comment:

  1. I love that pig BBQ grill! Too cute.

    I completely understand what you mean about your self esteem being on both ends of the spectrum. I do the same thing in a day. It really seems to change depending on those around me.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I think it is really helpful for people to read posts like this and see that they are not alone.

    Maybe we all need to travel with an old farmer in a pick-up truck. They sure do have a way of telling it like it is and moving on.

    Have a great week!


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