Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Ninja in the Candy Aisle

A dark silence fell around me as I stood in that aisle of brightly colored bags that contained all sorts of shapes of sweet candy goodness. I remember being there for a very long time in some odd trance state. As an old west gunslinger I stared down a pound bag of M+Ms. I justified to myself that they were a good price, the best deal for the money. I told myself I could just eat a few and tuck the bag away for later in my house.

At that moment a petite woman with a little girl came into my peripheral vision. The little girl picked up a big candy bar and asked her mother the question… The woman shook her head no and told the little one to put it back, then shuffled the child away from this dangerous scene of a very large man standing, staring into the oblivion of chocolate. The woman obviously sensed in some natural maternal protection instinct to whisk her child away from this vampire of chocolate prepared to pounce. The Late Croc Hunter guy would be saying, “Danger, danger, danger” right about now.

I had heard that woman’s “no” in the back of my head before. A small voice of my own in me echoed it. Then the louder voice claimed I would not be deprived!!! Wait, am I hearing voices… (well, that’s for another blog post) but I took a step back. I picked up the half pound one instead all proud of myself, but yet again I didn’t even need to look at the calories on the back to know what half of a ton of calories is.

Then a box boy of the supermarket approached very slowly. He had seen this look from this size of person in this aisle before. He was not going to interpose himself between me and the candy for his own safety. Making no sudden moves to startle me he wisely eased himself behind me and passed without a sound.

I set the second biggest bag of M+Ms back too. Then I decided I would get two king sized candy bars. Sure it was an insane choice, yet somehow justified. As I approached the check out I just felt Mr. Foolsfitness giving me that gentle tap on the shoulder. “Mindful, aware, choices.”

I set back that king sized four pack of peanut butter cups for two normal packs… one I would give to a friend. And that massive family sized bag of M+M’s by the check out had reduced itself to a tear and share one, a sort of one up from a normal candy bar.

I enjoyed my single pack of 2 normal sized peanut butter cups before I got home. But when I got back I saw that bag of M+M’s once again. First it went in the fridge. I was confused. It didn’t instantly go in my mouth! Then I laughed and took it out and put it up on my bookcase shelf as a trophy. Today I won. Sometime it may get eaten but not today.

At Foolsfitness Chocolate’s kung-fu is weak, and no match for our Bike-fu.- Alan


  1. awesome compromise and definitely mindful...keep winning!

  2. Oh, Alan! LOLOL!! Really.

    My husband was in the basement and I was in my SECOND floor office while I was reading this. I heard him thundering up the basement steps and running thru the kitchen to get to the bottom of the upstairs steps. I slowed down the laughter, wondering what was wrong. He called up, "Sweetie, are you laughing or yelling for help?!" Oh, lol all over again. I could barely talk!

    I wasn't even to the "box boy" part yet. When I got there I laughed so hard tears were flowing and I couldn't see to read!

    Oh, too funny--and can I ever identify. I've been trance-like in front of the M&Ms myself. (My favorite candy [3/4 pound bag] to eat when I read!)

    CONGRATULATIONS on the candy victory! Great, great job!

    And magnificent LOL! post. Consider writing that book of short stories.


  3. Hi! Deb sent me here to read this today, and it was a good lead. I loved your thought process as you contemplated the deep questions. Your ability to hear the voices of destiny (sanity) that wafted in from the periphery. I wish you well on this journey...looks like you're going int he right direction. I'll be checking back!

  4. Your descriptions of the encounters with the protective Mother and the wary boxboy were hysterical!

    Good job of talking yourself back down to responsible choices. Yay for Bike-fu!


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