Friday, December 25, 2009

I Could Not Inhale Air, but I was Happy!

Merry Christmas everyone! I have these shorts I keep on my bathroom door as a reminder of where I want to go in my resizing journey. Sometimes they come in handy when I want to gorge myself I just look at them, or even slip them on. At the beginning of the journey they would barely go up over my backside. Well the other day I sort of cheated and decided to see if I could buckle them up “under” the belly. I can officially say I got into those shorts before the end of the year!!!
Now there is some important information I’ve come across that I assume somehow that some chicks already know as I have seen some pretty tight jeans in my day on some ladies, but I’d like to pass along what I’ve picked up so far…
1) Keep that button on the waistband pointed away from people at all times. If it ever lets go under that kind of pressure someone loosing an eye is pretty much a given. Lets just say that I’m now thinking about getting a new television.
2) Never bend down. I’m not sure if there is a trick to sitting somehow in ultra tight garments… I think it involves some advanced breathing technique used by ancient dieters from Egypt who were expert exhalers. Enjoy lots of air before snapping them up, because inhaling just isn’t a good idea when if you are like me and trying to fit into pants 8 inches too small. I’m pretty sure that inhaling after buttoning them up wasn’t even an option.
3) As I mentioned about the inability of breathing. You’ve got a minute or so before you pass out… and those shorts if they are like mine are really hard (maybe even harder) to UNbutton so you might want a pair of scissors handy in reach to do some jaws of life can opener trick before you loose all feeling and hit the floor.
Ironically almost every family I know has somehow taken me out for Chinese food over the holidays. (Like I can say no anyway!) and eating under stress, and eating junk, and just eating everything in sight… lets say the new year will start a new weigh in with a sight reset. (Okay… major reset) BUT I FIT INTO THOSE SHORTS!!! (Kind-of…)
About the picture… I actually got elf pants given to me as a gift and they fit my Beenie baby sized Eeyore perfectly. I however have some work to do before they will fit me… or for that matter even remotely functioning in those shorts on my bathroom door either.
I’m still trying to take care of Christmas here, I haven’t forgot picking names for the DVD’s. I’m just trying to iron out those last holiday wrinkles and tie up those last few loose ends first.
A Foolsfitness Merry Christmas to all… and a Foolsfitness warning: “If your waist is eight inches more than the pants… you may not want to try it.” - Alan


  1. The distractions of the holidays are about over, no more elf pants and chinese food to entice you. It'll be a fresh New Year soon, and a fresh weigh in and a fresh start. Sometimes we just need that fresh new beginning! Hmmm... I like that word... fresh!
    Merry Christmas, Alan,

  2. Funny as always Alan!!! I hate tight jeans so good luck with those shorts lol.

  3. "you'll shoot your eye out!" now has a second and much more relevant meaning! UGH Im starting the new year with a reset too....but at least we are starting! Merry Christmas!

  4. Muffin top never looks good. 7 layer cake looks even worse.

  5. you know, you should try some spanx lol.
    Hey alan, I hope you are heading into your new year happy and on track.
    Your a nice guy.

  6. Hey you.... hope you had a splendi Christmas. Looking forward to reading more of you blog in 2010. Elf pants hah... what a thoughtful gift...

  7. Happy New Year Alan! Looking forward to watching you in 2010 :-)


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