Went Cow Tipping this Week

If you’re not familiar with “Cow tippen’ ” you are suppose to sneak up on a standing cow that’s asleep and give them a quick push on the side and they fall over.
　
Tony “The Anti-Jared” wrote in one of his recent blogs about spilt milk and metaphors and analogies tied into weight loss. I agree with the end of his blog, however I think he should have expanded on the idea.
　
First, Do not cry over spilt milk. I see a couple of options here. Well, it’s obvious… deny the spilt milk’s existence. “I’m not really fat. Most people are overweight… I’m normal” If you need to cry, just cry to the side of the spilt milk NOT over it. I’m not sure why crying over it is dangerous… maybe you could step on the broken glass or something. Sometimes people don’t admit to themselves how dangerous it really is to be morbidly obese.
　
Many people don’t like taking any personal responsibly any more. People complain about credit card or house loans and quickly point to “predatory lenders” while I hear about no one saying how they are the ones running up their own debt, buying junk on credit cards and not reading the fine print of a house loan… or living beyond their means in a house the can’t afford! So, “The glass was slippery. It’s not my fault.” the weight version might be…” I was stressed. I ate out.”
　
Oh, it can get way more complex. “My friend filled the cup too full.” So I can’t say no to the 2nd piece of homemade pie? The bingers will pour more milk on top of it…(personally I don’t know why I eat more after I already know I ate too much… there is no logic to it.) Even just shrug and drink from the carton.
　
Where Tony and I differ is we both acknowledge the floor is slippery (a trigger food) he goes around the house to avoid it. I say we just need to walk very carefully. If you’re a fan of the fad diets, magic pills, or exercise gadgets you’ve got lots of options… maybe silly ones. Switch from glasses of milk to sippy cups or back to baby bottles. Or the special booties that have little treads on them. Is it realistic to wear booties or walk around the house to avoid the slippery hallway for the rest of your life?
　
Tony promotes the weight monitoring plans to learn portions. That to me makes sense. Don’t run with the glass of milk or fill the cup up so much. I disagree to avoid the slippery hallway and just walk careful though.
　
Finally the point some seem to miss… You’ve got milk on the floor… remember? CLEAN IT UP!
　
I spilt some milk last week. I saw the glass tipping and sloshing but didn’t focus enough to hold it. Then I filled the glass too full again. My first recorded gain (+3 pounds)
　
Back to cow tipping. I grew up around farms. I have never tipped a cow (What are they going to do with a 5? Maybe tip them with grain! ) I have never seen a cow tipped over. But this last week **in spite of ALL I know**, I hesitated questioning if the myth was true to the point of calling my best friend’s dad who had cows his whole life and relatives who farm as well. Cows don’t sleep standing up. If they don’t know you they are likely to walk away from you when you approach them. Cows are very heavy. Even if you could tip them it would be with a shoulder block. So you would need a mutant cow (that sleeps standing up) who’s sick (so they could tip over) a Ninja (who’s good at sneaking up on things) and that Ninja needs to be a body builder to push over the animal that weighs hundreds and hundreds of pounds.
　
If you want to loose weight and think you can’t…don’t hold on this myth of cow tipping. Guys like the Anti-Jared and Sean Anderson show it’s a myth by carefully watching everything they eat and how much along with some moving. Even adding back my gain I still have dropped 25 pounds. Eat in decent portions and keep moving and you WILL see positive changes!!! Yet for a time last week I believed in cow tipping. Believing in cow tipping doesn’t make it true. It would be like denying the reality of caloric deficit when meanwhile your scarfing down a pound bag of candy. Next time when doubt sneaks in I hope to instantly remind myself it’s a myth. Giving in to believing in garbage, is giving in and eating too much garbage, and makes my life garbage in the end.
　
Foolsfitness wants to remind you that a little mini-moo creamer is 10 calories, a flavored one can be 30 or even 60 calories! Cow tipping is a myth. You *can* however frighten a certain species of goat and they *will* fall over. But they are not cows. - Alan

“BMI” Bike Death Jump Over A Gluten Pyramid!

So I figure with the struggles of food intake over the last couple of days I don’t want to get sick or ruin my hard work at getting more healthy. I want to improve my daily food intake, figuring in safe levels of calories, and being better at balancing my foods. I though about one of those Richard Simmons “Food Movers“. I started reading about them and apparently they evolved from his “Deal-A-Meal” thing. Then I did more digging and found out he based some of his program around what the U.S. government considers a balanced diet. So I went web surfing. (How many calories is web surfing anyway? That’s like a sport right?)
　
http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/ This is the source for much of the food pyramid stuff and what they suggest are basic dietary needs based on weight and age and activity level. Gone is the old original building blocks one, replaced with one that looks like a vertical rainbow, I think to avoid gluten rich stuff. Apparently the government can’t figure out what they are doing with diet stuff either or they wouldn’t have needed to change it in the first place!
　
Someone tell me what a “gloo ten” is anyway. Is it the improved model from a “glue nine“? I thought we were freaking out over getting enough fiber… or what was the other thing??? Oh, trans-fat. Somebody is tripping on too many fatty acids here. I lost track with the egg thing, I think they are only good if eaten in the dark on Sundays. Oh, maybe eggs are ok if they come in those little milk cartons? I knew eating the shells was a bad idea. Remember when whole milk was Ok?
　
http://www.myfoodapedia.gov/ A basic calorie counter with food exchanges. It’s not complete… I’d like to see more prepared foods (like more fast foods) on the list. I think there are better calculators out there. Maybe you can suggest one?
　
So I got deeper, pulled in by the dietary information black hole… completely lost in information overload. I am apparently 45.4 BMI at 317 pounds… they suggest a “healthy” weight range of 18.5 to 24.9 meaning 129 to 174 lbs… I figure I should sell my BMI stock when it hit’s 50 per share. They say I’m currently burning about 3764 calories a day., from
http://www.nutritiondata.com/
　
“For a good time” I suggest you go to that nutrition data website and input any food in their little calculator thing. You get readouts that look like a MRI scan, a screen that’s more complex than a fighter jet flight panel, and pretty modern art graphic paintings! Seriously, it’s down to Glycemic load and “Inflammation Factor“… Is that how all those people you hear about in weekly world news do the “spontaneous human combust” thing? The “Nutrient Balance” chart graph looks like the targeting computer display for the Death Star from Star Wars. Just imputing an “Apple” gets you over 50 kinds of choices from without skin to with skin, baby food… and that’s only page one of three! I should just get a simple food mover thingamajig. Richard Simmons sort of frightens me but as a guru of fitness and nutrition he is an icon. He can do the rumba with tacos as good as old Michael Jackson use to Moonwalk with “Beat It”!
　
That bike you see I just got. Technically it may be weird for a guy to get a girl’s bike… but there was something about the wide white walls that pulled me in. When you strip off all the stickers I think it looks far better too. It’s got two speeds… slow and stop. Clean and simple. Want to go up a hill, pedal harder and get a wind sprint or walk. Want to speed up? Pedal faster. Plus… it was very cheap. I figured after the last couple of days it will get me out and clear my head. Wind in my hair, bugs in my teeth.
　
DISCLAIMER: Foolsfitness does not officially endorse Richard Simmons, is not related to, part of, or benefiting from his empire. In fact Foolsfitness thinks with all this free advertising I just did he should now give me one of those food mover things.
　
Hey buddy, hey you… yeah you. Can you help a poor vagabond dieter down on his luck with a spare “Food Mover”?!!! - Alan

No funnies today

Sorry, no funny section today... cartoonist strike (well this artist anyway?)

Well, not a lot of funny in here today… maybe with the exception of me. I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I *HATE* making excuses. When I say I’m going to do something I really try to go all out and make them happen. Here’s the “skinny” of it.
　
A couple of days ago after a swim I got seriously hungry… ravenously hungry. Mind you I’ve been a laser for weeks, tracking any calorie down to a sugar packet in my coffee. I don’t know if I got a little concerned over some headaches or the big loss over the weekend… I stayed the course. Yesterday I had excessive food. I hadn’t planned it. I don’t understand it. I even walked over 11.5 miles and had a swim. Now today I decide that I’m going to stop exercising for just today and let my body recover the push. Yet today the hunger is still pushing me over the top of what I plan for caloric intake.
　
AGAIN… I hate- hate-hate excuses. But I don’t know if I got a little low blood sugar thing or off vitamin needs thing that freaked out my body that snapped it (the headaches could be a sign?) or I just lost focus. Last post I even wrote about focus! For what ever reason is I’m really off. I know that photo a few weeks back really shook me. I still am the one holding the fork, so I take credit for it. But prayers for my “Mojo” here appreciated. No I didn’t “fall” off the wagon, there isn’t a wagon to fall off… no trick diets or magic pills here, I‘m not relying on berry juice from Smurf island.…
　
I’m really ripped about this. It isn’t me. After I write this I’m actually going to go out and buy a bag of Peanut M+M’s and sit on my Humpty Dumpty wall and try to figure it out, think it through. I really want to understand what happened and what’s going on. If it’s just a cut too far back on intake thing fine… BUT if it’s a “me (psychic) fail” I’m so angry. I have plans. I need to know what it is to fix it and stop it from happening again. Either way I need to reset to get back on track. Rats-rats-rats. After a 25 pound plus loss did I just get too confident, push too hard, run out of steam, or am I just doomed to fail in some grand epic universal destiny? I really don’t want excuses I want a clear answer. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice… I want to make all new mistakes!
　
Well, I’m off to hunt down some M+M’s and a wall to ponder on.
　
Again your prayers please… Because Foolsfitness knows that faith in God is no joke.-Alan

Fan-atics of NASCAR with socks

I went to a NASCAR race over the weekend thanks to a free ticket of friend. This was my first experience watching live “serious” car racing. I would like to say a few things about it. First, they are loud. Second, they go very fast then make left turns and repeat it many times until they get tired or run into a wall or each other or a mix of the two.
　
I really want to mention the fans. These are very serious folk. They have racing jackets complete with the racer’s sponsor logos. They have flags of the racers numbers flying from their campers, most seem to like to BBQ and many seem to like beer perhaps a little excessively. They even camp at the track. There are lots of trailers that sell everything. I’m not talking hats and shirts, I mean everything. No joking here they actually even have socks and dog bowls with the racer logos on them!
　
Imagine if Church was that way. You’d have the Saint John the Baptist guys in the back complete with camel hair shirts and fake beards that have wild honey and locust bits in them doing the wave. Toward the front left in the second pew a row of monks who have shaved communion wine bellies standing in the order that says John 3:16 with a letter or number on each guy. On the other side of the aisle you’ve got a family, the dad wearing a shirt that says “Rev. Swan prays well“. The mother has a shirt that says, ”Saint Benedict rules!” the kids have little flags waving that the best Bibles are King James Bibles. The pastor steps up to the lectern and his frock has logo patches for the Rosary, New American Standard Bibles, and Jesuit Holy Water. Imagine people paying the price for tickets they pay the race track to get seats in the best pews for view of the alter! Oh don’t forget the monks camped in tents outside the church just waiting for Sunday who sit in circles doing Gregorian Chants! Anyone who walks by them, they just hold up Bibles and start yelling, ”Woooo! Sunday 10am Baby it’s on! Pastor in the house!” Please don’t get me wrong… I love the Lord and actually I’d love to see a little of the racing fan type passion in the house of God.
　
I’m not encouraging people to start going out and buying Richard Simmons key chains (They really make them! Actually I’d kind of like one ) but maybe adopting a Foolsfitness Fanatic approach to health. For me I’ve got to want that svelte V more than an O. I need the fanatical approach to want it more than lots of Capital M’s of local Micky D’s. I think another blogger (Sean of loosingweighteveryday) describes it as his “ironclad” decision. I think for me any half hearted approach is just going to lead to half hearted results. It’s not going to be about some trick diet but the fanatical commitment of it being down to Foolsfitness Socks! (I’m really not kidding, the NASCAR booth guys sold socks and dog bowls with the car logos! Am I the only one who sees that as extreme?!!!)
　
At Foolsfitness life itself is a Extreme Sport!- Alan… a Foolsfitness Fanatic who’s cheering with a 1.5 pound loss over the weekend!

Foolsfitness Silver Award

The first 25 pounds have been lost! 25 is silver right? Well I normally weigh in around Mondays but I couldn’t resist the milestone post. Now it’s real. Now I’m a proven. Now it’s no fluke! I’m trucking around 7 miles walking multiple days a week. Actually the weight loss is more like 26 pounds! (317lbs this mornings weight check)
　
BUT LETS TALK SHOES!!! Naturally all that walking is frying my sneakers. I go to the store and start looking at shoes. Sneakers come with all sorts of stuff now! Some of them have Gel inserts or little springs or airbags. One pair apparently has a little compartment for some gadget you put in to keep track of your walking. My only question is if it’s big enough to keep a Oreo Cookie in for “emergency use only” .
　
Now if you drive your car and have a triple A membership you can get a tow truck to come out if you get a flat tire. I’m wondering if any gyms offer a come to your jog site service if you get a sneaker airbag or gel blow out. As a heavy guy I can’t help but picture some freaky sneaker gel flying thing like a bad jelly donut.
　
Getting in shape is expensive. I can’t seem to find a lot of decent sneakers at the thrift shop. I was hoping the gym and extra sneaker cost would go about even with my offset cupcake budget. If this keeps up I’m going to have to cut back on all the Chinese Food Buffets to pay for some new clothes!
　
In other news… “the amazing shrinking girl” is celebrating her one year anniversary with a fitness challenge. Thus far I’ve got in 6.58 miles into it. Oh, and a Duncan Donut’s Chocolate chip muffin.
　
And remember at Foolsfitness it’s all about fancy footwear!-Alan

Real Gyms Smell

Did I mention I joined a gym. Oh sure I had a “gym” membership elsewhere but this is a real gym complete with pool and aerobic classes, not just machines. This one even has that official gym smell. I haven’t got the courage up yet to officially try one of the aerobic classes like Cardio box or Zumba…
　
I have two excellent reasons for not doing an official aerobics class yet, first I can’t help but start laughing when the woman asks people if they are “breathing”… it gets me every time. Oh, I forgot to breathe! It’s a good thing you reminded me! Then there is the whole sesame street count thing… They love counting down from five. THEY want YOU to count down from five… At about three I have to start on my Count vampire puppet rant from the Sesame Street “five, four, three… three wonderful arm pumps! Ah-Ah-Ah…” At least they don’t seem to mind me wearing my Pajamas to the gym.
　
The second reason is the time I scoped out a “aqua lite water aerobics” class I was surrounded by old folks that when told to do jumping jacks started bobbing up and down in complete unison and made these freaky perfect tsunami tidal waves that all I could do is paddle for my very life praying not to be sucked in the undertow. Then after the class was over the instructor asked me, “Sometimes it’s just fun to float around for a little while isn’t it?” Hey! I was dog paddling for my life lady. All right, what I do may be an insult to dogs who know how to properly paddle. It’s more of a half paralyzed sloth paddle. But I’m like a duck man… there is a lot of foot action going on under the water! Well in fairness, I probably did bob around like a ocean buoy and looked like a turtle with my nose and eyes just peering out of the water. Yet it was a turtle in a very man type way… a ninja turtle or maybe a snapping turtle.
　
I do like the water, some of my flab folds sort of disappear. It’s like a little encouragement to say what I could be like weighing one sixth of my weight. The pool is actually very dangerous. I got caught in one of those water spout things shooting water back into the pool, the current sent me into the deep end… I felt like some astronaut helpless, floating away, after the tether to the shuttle broke. Then some little girl about 5 years old comes paddling by me wearing those floaty ducky arm things. Don’t tell me she wasn’t on steroids, no human being could paddle that quickly.
　
Oh and what’s with the pool gear anyway? Some guy has got goggles that are tinted shades and a rubber hat and had some special lotion that makes him extra slippery in the water. He claimed it’s all about “aerodynamics“. Since you’re in the water shouldn’t it be about “waternamics“? Why isn’t that a word? It’s not in my spell check!
　
Well in other news… Mondays weigh in down 1.5 pounds. Got an art commission for doing a walk a thon tee shirt. Ironically after working half the night on it I realized I misspelled a word. Praise God for tech that can make it a 20 minute fix rather than a whole drawing re-do. I’ve got another bookmark art commission waiting for me as well as Foolsfitness should be starting up a fit-a-thon fundraiser with my church that I’m pretty excited about. It’s a good way to stay focused, share info, and raise a bit of money for charity and new clothes.
　
Foolsfitness knows that fitness counts, but please stop counting down from five!- Alan

A Humpty Dumpty NSV?

I read about so many people speaking of NSVs (non-scale victories) Are there non-scale defeats? NSDs? The whole centering the universe around the scale to start with seems odd. If you do something that doesn’t cost or make money that is good is that a NMV (non-monetary victory)? No one I’ve ever heard of has said after President Obama won, “Well, it was a Non-Republican Victory.”
　
Come Monday I’m going to cower a bit stepping on that scale wondering if those peanut butter and jelly sandwich slip-ups are real setbacks… or that food I ate at the church social was a non-portion defeat (NPD)

Because I think I’ve got through the “honeymoon” stage of my weight loss journey, now I seem a little less bullet proof. It may be simple in concept to just keep physically active and eat sensibly, but in practice it seems a bit more complex to apply.
　
I guess what really took the wind out of my sails is the picture above taken two weekends ago. I’ve worked hard and it’s impossible for me to see that 20ish pounds gone in that pic. It’s hard to see any weight gone at all. I realize at my weight a few pounds is not in percentage, but still… Seeing that guy, it’s surreal… I don’t feel that big. I can’t pull my mind away from thinking of the image of Humpty Dumpty.
　
I guess Humpty Dumpty and I have a few things in common. He and I both appreciate a good wall to sit on. Sitting on a wall helps you think. It’s what I call HDTV or “Humpty Dumpty TV” Then I turn from what was behind me to the mass in front of me yet to come down 20ish now 120ish more to go, what?! What really happened to Humpty Dumpty anyway? There are the conspiracy folk who think Humpty Dumpty didn’t fall off that wall but was pushed. Maybe he jumped? What if he just needed to free himself from that shell, after all he might have been a bird that needed to break open the shell so he could eventually fly.
　
Yet I can’t help but wonder if being an egg made him any less. It’s a freaky philosophical thing I’m pondering about when I’m less of me will I be less of me? While the me now is less healthy is it less valid? Is more me less of the real me? Maybe the egg sat there on the wall and pondered these deep questions. Maybe it appreciated just being an egg in the moment. Then he got scrambled in the end… Now that’s really depressing.
　
Well fellow eggs, lets do this for Humpty. Lets appreciate being an egg in the moment sitting on our wall and breaking out of that shell if that is our destiny. I like the whole image of the bird hatching and flying away from the broken shell thing, but I not so keen about the image of an omelet.
　
At Foolsfitness it’s all about striving for eggsallence!-Alan